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Clips from BoJack Horseman - BoJack Horseman: The BoJack Horseman Story, Chapter One (S01E01)

"I can't even afford a hall now for my daughter's 15th birthday,"
BoJack Horseman
"Because parties are fun?"
BoJack Horseman
"Am I dying?"
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, my God, my toast! [Ding]"
BoJack Horseman
"Todd, on my grave,"
BoJack Horseman
"[monitor beeping]"
BoJack Horseman
"[steady tone]"
BoJack Horseman
"It never gets easier."
BoJack Horseman
"and now he's gone forever."
BoJack Horseman
"We might have gone too dark on that series finale."
BoJack Horseman
"No one gave him shit for it."
BoJack Horseman
"How long is that doctor going to take?"
BoJack Horseman
"You have other clients?"
BoJack Horseman
"Are your other clients more talented than I am?"
BoJack Horseman
"Well, BoJack, it looks like what you experienced"
BoJack Horseman
"was a mild anxiety attack."
BoJack Horseman
"Too smart for the room?"
BoJack Horseman
"[gasps]"
BoJack Horseman
"Really, not even a pity laugh?"
BoJack Horseman
"Ha."
BoJack Horseman
"You have other patients?"
BoJack Horseman
"I can't control myself around those things."
BoJack Horseman
"[mariachi music]"
BoJack Horseman
"[cheering]"
BoJack Horseman
"Is this a quinceañera?"
BoJack Horseman
"is a quinceañera?"
BoJack Horseman
"Now who's racist?"
BoJack Horseman
"I find that piñata offensive."
BoJack Horseman
"I want to talk to you."
BoJack Horseman
"Erica, how are you looking so beautiful?"
BoJack Horseman
"Hey, BoJack, right?"
BoJack Horseman
"It's Diane."
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, Diane."
BoJack Horseman
"Like, look at that guy."
BoJack Horseman
"because I never got the practice"
BoJack Horseman
"because I didn't get invited to any parties in high school."
BoJack Horseman
"What am I talking about?"
BoJack Horseman
"Shut up, Diane."
BoJack Horseman
"You're at a party, compliment the host."
BoJack Horseman
"you might as well get a sweet house out of the deal, right?"
BoJack Horseman
"So what are you working on these days?"
BoJack Horseman
"Well, mostly I just sit around the house"
BoJack Horseman
"and complain about things."
BoJack Horseman
"No, I'm just kidding around."
BoJack Horseman
"- Ugh, you know who that is? - Mr. Peanutbutter?"
BoJack Horseman
"about that dog who adopted the three human kids."
BoJack Horseman
"He's so stupid he doesn't realize"
BoJack Horseman
"Sound familiar?"
BoJack Horseman
"You're actually in a really good position now,"
BoJack Horseman
"What would make you happy?"
BoJack Horseman
"Is that all? I can help you with that."
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, that doesn't count."
BoJack Horseman
"We weren't on the clock yet."
BoJack Horseman
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second."
BoJack Horseman
"- Also, you two are dating? - Yeah."
BoJack Horseman
"- That is correct. - Uh-huh."
BoJack Horseman
"- You are going out with you? - Uh-huh."
BoJack Horseman
"But in a sexual way, not just as friends?"
BoJack Horseman
"Many times, yes."
BoJack Horseman
"- You are attracted to this? - Yes."
BoJack Horseman
"I'm just... I'm really happy for you."
BoJack Horseman
"[retching]"
BoJack Horseman
"Should we get someone, or..."
BoJack Horseman
"No, everything's..."
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, this is really..."
BoJack Horseman
"Boxer versus raptor."
BoJack Horseman
"[laughs] Well, good morning to you too."
BoJack Horseman
"Where? I'd love hay."
BoJack Horseman
"premiered on ABC."
BoJack Horseman
"The show, in which a young, bachelor horse"
BoJack Horseman
"is forced to reevaluate his priorities"
BoJack Horseman
"when he agrees to raise three human children,"
BoJack Horseman
"as broad and saccharine and not good,"
BoJack Horseman
"and went on to air for nine seasons."
BoJack Horseman
"Welcome, BoJack."
BoJack Horseman
"It is good to be here, Charlie."
BoJack Horseman
"It's really no problem."
BoJack Horseman
"I hope that's okay."
BoJack Horseman
"You parked in a..."
BoJack Horseman
"I'm sorry, disabled spot."
BoJack Horseman
"Is that the proper nomenclature?"
BoJack Horseman
"I'm incredibly drunk."
BoJack Horseman
"Is it just me, or am I nailing this interview?"
BoJack Horseman
"I kind of feel like I'm nailing it."
BoJack Horseman
"Anyway, we were talking about Horsin' Around."
BoJack Horseman
"Charlie, listen, you know,"
BoJack Horseman
"- Is it okay to say shit? - Please don't."
BoJack Horseman
"actually pretty solid for what it is."
BoJack Horseman
"It's not Ibsen, sure,"
BoJack Horseman
"life is just one long, hard kick in the urethra,"
BoJack Horseman
"and sometimes when you get home"
BoJack Horseman
"from a long day of getting kicked in the urethra,"
BoJack Horseman
"who love each other,"
BoJack Horseman
"where, you know, no matter what happens,"
BoJack Horseman
"You know, because in real life..."
BoJack Horseman
"What have you been doing since the show's cancellation"
BoJack Horseman
"That's a great question, Charlie."
BoJack Horseman
"Uh, I..."
BoJack Horseman
"Um..."
BoJack Horseman
"[funky electronic music]"
BoJack Horseman
"♪ ♪"
BoJack Horseman
"[groans]"
BoJack Horseman
"First of all, we're not roommates."
BoJack Horseman
"You are my houseguest."
BoJack Horseman
"You sleep on my couch, and you don't pay rent."
BoJack Horseman
"I've had tapeworms that were less parasitic."
BoJack Horseman
"I don't even remember why I let you"
BoJack Horseman
"Because my parents kicked me out,"
BoJack Horseman
"You told me they didn't approve"
BoJack Horseman
"of your alternative lifestyle."
BoJack Horseman
"I thought you were, like,"
BoJack Horseman
"a troubled gay teen or something."
BoJack Horseman
"that you meant you were lazy."
BoJack Horseman
"That's on you for making assumptions."
BoJack Horseman
"Also, if you're looking for the Toaster Strudels,"
BoJack Horseman
"I got really high last night and ate them all."
BoJack Horseman
"[sighs]"
BoJack Horseman
"Did you say you've had tapeworms?"
BoJack Horseman
"Thanks for meeting me here."
BoJack Horseman
"but the electric company shut off our power."
BoJack Horseman
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