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Clips from King of the Hill - 'Twas the Nut Before Christmas (S05E05)

"Now, I've cleared a space 12 by 8 by 14..."
King of the Hill
"Hey, Bill."
King of the Hill
"Going to the post office. Why don't you come along?"
King of the Hill
"Come on, it'll be fun. You can take a $5 bill..."
King of the Hill
"and put it in the change machine, pretend you're in Las Vegas."
King of the Hill
"Ka-ching!"
King of the Hill
"I haven't gotten so much as a letter in six weeks."
King of the Hill
"Bill is short for William."
King of the Hill
"If you want mail, we've got these bags in the corner."
King of the Hill
"We're always looking for volunteers to take one or two..."
King of the Hill
"How about you, Bill? You'd make a great Santa."
King of the Hill
"And that's not a fat joke."
King of the Hill
"Has anyone seen where I put my Scotch tape?"
King of the Hill
"[Exclaims]"
King of the Hill
"Matthew said he likes music, so I got him a trombone."
King of the Hill
"then we mail them and put the return address as North Pole."
King of the Hill
"when jumbo jets are about to crash."
King of the Hill
"Can I pay you for these things?"
King of the Hill
"My elves make all the toys."
King of the Hill
"Ho, ho, ho."
King of the Hill
"I'll tell you how Jesus feels: great."
King of the Hill
"Tomorrow Christmas service falls..."
King of the Hill
"Boy, you know that guy's catching a folding chair to the head."
King of the Hill
"The last time I checked, you were still 13."
King of the Hill
"BILL: Merry Christmas!"
King of the Hill
"Better hum, Dad."
King of the Hill
"It won't feel like Christmas Day if we miss The Little Drummer Boy."
King of the Hill
"Nope."
King of the Hill
"Valet of the Dales is not responsible for lost or stolen article--"
King of the Hill
"- Dale, I'm just gonna park in my driveway. - That lot's full..."
King of the Hill
"No scra tch-o! Comprende?"
King of the Hill
"I have got to find some way to thank you for everything."
King of the Hill
"Yep. They're gonna have chicken."
King of the Hill
"Looks like it's gonna be a great new year."
King of the Hill
"They start the Christmas season earlier and earlier each year."
King of the Hill
"[Bill exclaiming excitedly]"
King of the Hill
"Hank, there'll be plenty of time for these kids to be beaten down by life."
King of the Hill
"Well, so much for my New Year's resolution."
King of the Hill
"Who says a mustache has to go across the whole lip?"
King of the Hill
"Have you been talking to my dad? Well, guess what? We're not little kids."
King of the Hill
"We don't jump in bouncy houses."
King of the Hill
"Oh, dear."
King of the Hill
"- You're still doing this. - Yeah, just around the house."
King of the Hill
"That's the Arlen midget. He comes with the bounce house."
King of the Hill
"I got a lot of blue jeans in there."
King of the Hill
"Man, this is the best Christmas ever."
King of the Hill
"Bill, why don't you take Marilyn out someplace nice for Valentine's Day?"
King of the Hill
"even Troy Aikman takes off his uniform after the Superbowl."
King of the Hill
"- Yeah, can we have some money? - He means candy canes."
King of the Hill
"I am making a citizen's arrest for trespassing."
King of the Hill
"- Damn it! When Bill comes home-- - "When Bill comes home.""
King of the Hill
"Fair enough."
King of the Hill
"Beer."
King of the Hill
"We better go."
King of the Hill
"Why? Because beer's not TV-14?"
King of the Hill
"but, hey, it's the weekend."
King of the Hill
"BOBBY: Yeah. CONNIE: Cool."
King of the Hill
"Bounce around a lot. Get it out of your system."
King of the Hill
"Bobby?"
King of the Hill
"Hey, Dad! I like beer!"
King of the Hill
"Good kids..."
King of the Hill
"He never had faith in me either. But at least he had a motorcycle."
King of the Hill
"I did 10 sit-ups and I tried to do a push-up."
King of the Hill
"I almost hated waking him this morning."
King of the Hill
"But then he tried to tell me that his hangover was punishment enough..."
King of the Hill
"- You broke my family. - Wally was not your family."
King of the Hill
"My God, I've thrown out propane tanks that would make a better son than Wally."
King of the Hill
"But he will be."
King of the Hill
"Wait, I've got it! Bill wants to have a child."
King of the Hill
"And Hank's urethra is too narrow to have another child."
King of the Hill
"Where is he? Jail?"
King of the Hill
"because you didn't lay down the law with Wally."
King of the Hill
"All the books about it are by comedians."
King of the Hill
"lighters. All your big-ticket impulse items."
King of the Hill
"He says you okayed the use of the credit card..."
King of the Hill
"Hank, what should I do?"
King of the Hill
"Well, I'd lock him up for what we know he did..."
King of the Hill
"and then toss on a few extra years for what he probably did."
King of the Hill
"You may not be happy with me now, soldier..."
King of the Hill
"Bobby, if you get caught drinking again, it's gonna be your butt in this chair."
King of the Hill
"- Ain't that right, Hank? - Sure is."
King of the Hill
"DALE: Valet of the Dales is not responsible for last or stolen articles."
King of the Hill
"DALE: Valet of the Dales is not responsible for last or stolen articles."
King of the Hill
"So, when we're at the store, keep an eye out for a gift that size."
King of the Hill
"Last Christmas, I hid Joseph's gift so well I still haven't found it."
King of the Hill
"Cutest little puppy."
King of the Hill
"Yeah, nothing like the face of a child on Christmas morning."
King of the Hill
"- What's it like? - It's the single greatest thing on earth."
King of the Hill
"that any dad shares with his child."
King of the Hill
"Sounds nice."
King of the Hill
"I guess I'll just go home all by myself and eat a pot pie."
King of the Hill
"- Today is turkey. - See you."
King of the Hill
"You know, I've got some errands to run today."
King of the Hill
"[Whooping] Look at all that mail."
King of the Hill
"Yeah, you're right."
King of the Hill
"My name is Bill Dauterive, and apparently you have lost my mail."
King of the Hill
"I'll check in the back."
King of the Hill
"Look, about my friend's lost mail, you're not gonna find it."
King of the Hill
"You know, you may want to check William Dauterive, too."
King of the Hill
"Those are letters addressed to Santa Claus."
King of the Hill
"and buy a gift to make a needy kid happy."
King of the Hill
"What a great idea. I think I'll take one myself."
King of the Hill
"You really think so?"
King of the Hill
"- This guy seems a little off. - Bill's great with kids."
King of the Hill
"It's adults and holidays he seems to have a problem with."
King of the Hill
"You know, you fall for Dale's beard of tape every year, Peggy."
King of the Hill
"Yes. Yes, I do. And I'm always a good sport about it."
King of the Hill
"My first wrapping party."
King of the Hill
"I just cut my finger. Deep."
King of the Hill
"Well, it doesn't compare to the pain of previous years..."
King of the Hill
"when I didn't have any kids to wrap for."
King of the Hill
"I can't wait to see the expression on his face."
King of the Hill
"You don't give the gifts yourself. You buy them, you wrap them..."
King of the Hill
"Does the mailman at least dress as Santa?"
King of the Hill
"- No. - He doesn't?"
King of the Hill
"Every kid should get to see Santa."
King of the Hill
"- Wow! - What the..."
King of the Hill
"That is the foam that they spray on runways..."
King of the Hill
"Bobby! Get in here!"
King of the Hill
"Now, are you going to open this before Christmas?"
King of the Hill
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