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Clips from American Dad! - Stan Time (S04E04)

"Well, look who's home- Carrying his shoes?"
American Dad!
"You know what a dog would do at a time like this?"
American Dad!
"He'd bark excitedly, alerting the family that his master was home."
American Dad!
"What do you want, Roger? Anything."
American Dad!
"- No, it doesn't. - Oh, well, it was- It was supposed to."
American Dad!
"normal to the Northern Fleet submarine base at Polyarny.""
American Dad!
""Five layers of wool and oilskin enclosed him.""
American Dad!
"[Farts]"
American Dad!
"I feel so-"
American Dad!
"I'm so glad you're having fun spending time with the kids."
American Dad!
"My pleasure. Just make sure you never mention the pills to your family."
American Dad!
"I'm going as a turkey."
American Dad!
"Hey, what if you change the pool boy to an I.T. Guy..."
American Dad!
"Freddie, I want you to write with this kid."
American Dad!
"there is a voice whispering, "Grow.""
American Dad!
"- How high are you right now, H. P? - I'm up there."
American Dad!
"and together they'd have a little Stan-Fran-"
American Dad!
"I realized, "Oh, God, no. I hate that.""
American Dad!
"[Gasps] And, Klaus, you are a fish."
American Dad!
"'cause I need to start playing Beetman during the day."
American Dad!
"This is set in the year 3020 on the planet Labia."
American Dad!
"What about when the orgy rocket refuels in the space station?"
American Dad!
"I want something that could actually happen today..."
American Dad!
"Boing meets girl."
American Dad!
"Oh, Stan, you're home."
American Dad!
"I'd like you to meet Philippe Monday..."
American Dad!
"You understand homosexual? Yes?"
American Dad!
"Of course they support you. They're motherless idiots."
American Dad!
"We can write a porno, right?"
American Dad!
"Coming right up. I just wanted to introduce you to my friend Sandy."
American Dad!
"- Why is it so hot in here? - Oh, my God. We're so sorry, guys."
American Dad!
"If there's anything else you need- anything-just call us."
American Dad!
"Exterior. Costa Mesa. Day."
American Dad!
"I'm the pool boy slash pizza guy."
American Dad!
"[Steve] What the hell!"
American Dad!
"Did she say there's a nuclear rabbit on her expedition?"
American Dad!
"- Stan Smith. - [Woman] Bernie, hurry up!"
American Dad!
"[Moans] Almost there."
American Dad!
"- [Air Conditioner Starts] - [Both Sigh]"
American Dad!
"Steve, come on. We're goin' to the diner to write porn."
American Dad!
"than to need it and not have it."
American Dad!
"H.P. Said no more sci-fi stuff."
American Dad!
"Maybe we should just stick to writing something we do know."
American Dad!
"Prank sensor activated."
American Dad!
"Francine, what do you see?"
American Dad!
"But I don't see the colossal squid. Wait a second."
American Dad!
"but now I realize I just want time with you."
American Dad!
"Being with you during the day..."
American Dad!
"I'm sorry, Philippe. I didn't find the squid."
American Dad!
"# Good morning, U.S.A. #"
American Dad!
"# I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day #"
American Dad!
"#The sun in the sky has a smile on his face #"
American Dad!
"#And he's shining a salute to the American race #"
American Dad!
"# Oh, boy, it's swell to say #"
American Dad!
"[Chorus] #Good morning, U.S.A. ##"
American Dad!
"[Steve] Mom, when's Dad coming home?"
American Dad!
"I can't make my sugar cube Parthenon without him."
American Dad!
"[Hayley] And I need a ride to the headband store."
American Dad!
"[Francine] As soon as your father gets home, he'll have time for you both."
American Dad!
"[Shuddering]"
American Dad!
"[Exhales]"
American Dad!
"Almost like he doesn't want anyone to know he's home."
American Dad!
"Roger, please. I just want 20 minutes to myself, that's all."
American Dad!
"- Please, Roger, no. - Of course, I suppose if that dog were to get a treat-"
American Dad!
"A carton of Virginia Slims, and I want you to make me look like Audrey Hepburn."
American Dad!
"I can give you all the cigarettes you want..."
American Dad!
"- but I can't make you look like Audrey Hepburn. - [Growling]"
American Dad!
"[Barking]"
American Dad!
"Dad, I haven't started the Parthenon. It's due tomorrow, and I'm really tired."
American Dad!
"If we don't get on the highway right now, the headband store is gonna be closed."
American Dad!
"[Groans]"
American Dad!
"Don't forget the Virginia Slims."
American Dad!
"I'm really mad at Dad right now."
American Dad!
"I woke up from my nap, saw he wasn't as far along..."
American Dad!
"with the Parthenon as he should be, and I told him so."
American Dad!
"Not now, Steven. I have a meeting in, like, one minute."
American Dad!
"Pretend to be my assistant. And if this guy asks, my name is-"
American Dad!
"Freddie Underwood..."
American Dad!
"porn screenwriter extraordinaire."
American Dad!
"Helicopter Perry, the sleaziest porn producer east of Van Nuys."
American Dad!
"So, how's the smut business, H. P?"
American Dad!
"The Internet's killin' me, Freddie."
American Dad!
"Every frat boy with a digital camera thinks he's a filmmaker now."
American Dad!
"I've seen what you speak of- Dumpster sluts and the like."
American Dad!
"There's no art in it anymore."
American Dad!
"Freddie, I'm here because you wrote Wetness-"
American Dad!
"the greatest porn film I ever made."
American Dad!
"I need you to give me that same magic again."
American Dad!
"I'm writing down a number. I will not accept a penny less."
American Dad!
"A million dollars?"
American Dad!
"Actually, if you look closely, it says a million "doll hairs.""
American Dad!
"- You should get some sleep, Stan. - You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
American Dad!
"Right to bed. No time to myself."
American Dad!
"Do you realize I've been trying to read this book for 10 years..."
American Dad!
"and I haven't gotten past the first paragraph?"
American Dad!
"Tonight that ends."
American Dad!
"[Thinking] " Captain First Rank Marko Ramius of the Soviet Navy..."
American Dad!
""was dressed for the Arctic conditions..."
American Dad!
"Okay. One sentence down. Already compelling."
American Dad!
"[Snoring]"
American Dad!
"Stan? Stan, you asleep?"
American Dad!
"Ahh. I've been holding that in since Jeopardy."
American Dad!
"- What's all that, Dick? - I'm watching every movie ever made-"
American Dad!
"Alphabetically by actor's last name."
American Dad!
"I'm on Martin Mull- Underrated actor."
American Dad!
"Could anyone else have played Colonel Mustard in Clue?"
American Dad!
"The answer is yes- Christopher Lloyd."
American Dad!
"My point is, Mull gets work, consistently."
American Dad!
"But you have a wife and kids at home."
American Dad!
"How do you have the free time to do anything?"
American Dad!
"The boys down at the lab gave me these."
American Dad!
"You take a pill right before bed..."
American Dad!
"and you feel like you just slept eight hours."
American Dad!
"So you take these pills and... you never have to sleep?"
American Dad!
"Wow. So I can spend days with my family..."
American Dad!
"and the nights are all for me."
American Dad!
"What'll the guys at the lab think of next?"
American Dad!
"They have tons of cool stuff."
American Dad!
"Check out my rocket zipper."
American Dad!
"Once again we beat the Russians."
American Dad!
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