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Clips from Son of Zorn - The Weekend Warrior (S01E01)

"And, um... and there."
Son of Zorn
"Over here."
Son of Zorn
"[muttering] Here, smooth that out a little bit."
Son of Zorn
"And for good measure. All right, there we go."
Son of Zorn
"- All gone. - So that's the tour, huh?"
Son of Zorn
"Oh, not quite."
Son of Zorn
"Ta-da! [exhales] Check it out."
Son of Zorn
"Got you a sick place right here to draw up battle plans,"
Son of Zorn
"or, uh, compose war ballads about me,"
Son of Zorn
"- Oh, okay, these are Mom's rules. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,"
Son of Zorn
"no, these... yeah, these are your mom's rules, yeah."
Son of Zorn
"But, but the most important rule,"
Son of Zorn
"and boy did she stress this, is that we got to have fun."
Son of Zorn
"Hey, this almost feels like a real room, right?"
Son of Zorn
"It's crazy to think that the previous tenant"
Son of Zorn
"died under a mountain of Lane Bryant catalogs in here."
Son of Zorn
"This is an absolute blow-out. I don't even want to think"
Son of Zorn
"- [laser sound] Ow. - Hit 'em with the Hein!"
Son of Zorn
"Double touchdown. [sighs]"
Son of Zorn
"That's what I'm talking about. And that's cool with me [phone chimes]"
Son of Zorn
"'cause that lamp sucked. Your mom made me get that lamp."
Son of Zorn
"Not really my style, I'm more of a torch guy."
Son of Zorn
"[chuckles] No, I'm just really beat. I'm gonna go to the room."
Son of Zorn
"Hey, hey, I, you know, I-I just hope all these rules"
Son of Zorn
"- aren't harshin' your mellow. - They're just mellowing my mellow."
Son of Zorn
"You know you said this weekend was gonna be total anarchy."
Son of Zorn
"I thought we'd be like raging, and chugging, and blasting."
Son of Zorn
"But instead it's just been, like, sitting."
Son of Zorn
"I'm just gonna go watch some Ferrari poster."
Son of Zorn
"[music]"
Son of Zorn
"[sighs] Oh, man. [phone clicking]"
Son of Zorn
""Sorry, Jeff. Can't hang, feeling sick."
Son of Zorn
"Think I over-vaped.""
Son of Zorn
"- That's stupid. - Hey, buddy, listen, I, you know,"
Son of Zorn
"I was just thinking out here, maybe, uh, maybe we could"
Son of Zorn
"- ease up a little bit on your mom's rules. - [can opens] Really?"
Son of Zorn
"[gulping] Want to just toss me one of those, uh, beer can guys?"
Son of Zorn
"[chuckling] Oh, no, no, no! Sorry, I'm, I'm drinking both of these."
Son of Zorn
"[laughter] BILL: Nice."
Son of Zorn
"Did I ever tell you about the time when,"
Son of Zorn
"uh, Queen Latifah gave me a high-five?"
Son of Zorn
"- CRAIG: Oh... - SHIRLEY: This is good. [laughs]"
Son of Zorn
"- Yes. - Well, as you know, before I was a doctor,"
Son of Zorn
"- CRAIG: Hmm. - I was a production assistant"
Son of Zorn
"on Living Single. [Edie moans]"
Son of Zorn
"- Oh, oh! - Edie!"
Son of Zorn
"- Oh, my God. - Oh my... Bill."
Son of Zorn
"Edie? Are you okay?"
Son of Zorn
"- Edie. - She doesn't have a pulse."
Son of Zorn
"Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!"
Son of Zorn
"- God, okay. - I'm gonna get someone here."
Son of Zorn
"- I'm gonna start CPR. - Okay."
Son of Zorn
"- Oh. - [Southern accent] Billy Patterson?"
Son of Zorn
"- I do declare. - What the hell?"
Son of Zorn
"Hey, Bill, look. [Craig and Edie laugh]"
Son of Zorn
"The look on your face, Bill!"
Son of Zorn
"Oh, you were just like,"
Son of Zorn
""Oh, my Lord, my dear friend is no longer living.""
Son of Zorn
"Wait, w-what just happened? She was clinically dead."
Son of Zorn
"It's just a fun little trick I learned at Zephyria. [Craig chuckles]"
Son of Zorn
"SHIRLEY: Why would anyone ever need to learn that?"
Son of Zorn
"My ex-husband taught me how to do it"
Son of Zorn
"- Oh. - So they'd leave you for dead?"
Son of Zorn
"Oh, there was this one time when Zorn needed a power crystal"
Son of Zorn
"that these corpse-eating beetles were guarding."
Son of Zorn
"And of course I didn't want to be the bait,"
Son of Zorn
"but he kept pressuring me and pressuring me..."
Son of Zorn
"and pressuring me and..."
Son of Zorn
"I was obviously able to pick it up, but remember, Colleen died."
Son of Zorn
"- Uh, I've got to go, that's it. Bye. - Hey."
Son of Zorn
"What are you doing in here? Shirley is pounding the good wine."
Son of Zorn
"Oh. I just came in to get some lip balm."
Son of Zorn
"Lip balm? Sweetie, you know how addictive lip balm is."
Son of Zorn
"What the hell, let me have some."
Son of Zorn
"Mm. Yeah, that's good balm."
Son of Zorn
"Mm, yeah, I like that."
Son of Zorn
"Okay, that's... that's good."
Son of Zorn
"- Honey, honey, honey... - What?"
Son of Zorn
"Hey, so it's cool if I have friends over still, right?"
Son of Zorn
"ZORN: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No problem."
Son of Zorn
"I mean, as long as they're not total wads."
Son of Zorn
"Hey, sorry, Eric. Yeah, my kid's having friends over."
Son of Zorn
"I'm in a little bit of a pickle, though."
Son of Zorn
"I mean, I want to impress these teens,"
Son of Zorn
"but I also need to obey Edie's rules, you know?"
Son of Zorn
"ERIC: I don't know if you're trying to be funny"
Son of Zorn
"by calling me again, I just don't appreciate..."
Son of Zorn
"Hey, that's a good idea."
Son of Zorn
"You know what? You're the best bathroom guy I've ever called."
Son of Zorn
"[knock at door]"
Son of Zorn
"[deep, manly tone] P-chaw!"
Son of Zorn
"Nice shirt, yeah. I'm just... different way."
Son of Zorn
"You guys know Son of Zorn?"
Son of Zorn
"No. Yeah, no..."
Son of Zorn
"- Ya know... uh... - Whoa, that's a lot of hummus."
Son of Zorn
"- Hummus sucks! - Yeah, hummus sucks!"
Son of Zorn
"Probably some dumb chick left it over here."
Son of Zorn
"ZORN: Hey, did someone order a party elf?"
Son of Zorn
"[chuckles] Hi, I am Dingle, from the Elvin land of Huff."
Son of Zorn
"I have traveled from afar to fulfill all your sexual desires."
Son of Zorn
"[laughs]"
Son of Zorn
"That's just what party elves say."
Son of Zorn
"I'm not actually gonna do that last thing."
Son of Zorn
"Hey, what's up, dudes?"
Son of Zorn
"I'm Zorn, Alangulon's dad."
Son of Zorn
"I'm sure he's already told you how bonkers I am. [chuckles]"
Son of Zorn
"Hyah! [grunts]"
Son of Zorn
"- What the hell?! - What?"
Son of Zorn
"He looked! You looked, right?"
Son of Zorn
"- It's huge in Zephyria. - Okay, you just assaulted a teenager."
Son of Zorn
"- It's not cool! - You know what?"
Son of Zorn
"You're right, Alangulon."
Son of Zorn
"Not cool for an adult to do that to a kid, no."
Son of Zorn
"Hey, but you know what is cool?"
Son of Zorn
"A little Blues Traveler, Live at Red Rocks, ha ha."
Son of Zorn
"- Your dad's super weird. - Yeah, super weird."
Son of Zorn
"Oh, oh! Found it, found it."
Son of Zorn
"Yeah, we're just gonna go."
Son of Zorn
"We're just gonna hit this skate spot and throw bricks at stuff."
Son of Zorn
"Oh, you know what? Uh, if you're gonna..."
Son of Zorn
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