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Clips from Son of Zorn - The Weekend Warrior (S01E01)

"Hyah!"
Son of Zorn
"If we're gonna let Alan stay with you for the whole weekend,"
Son of Zorn
"We're gonna crack all the skulls we want!"
Son of Zorn
"and fun, but you can't be his father and his friend."
Son of Zorn
"- I should stop being his father. - I'm saying,"
Son of Zorn
""Abstinence"? [snickers]"
Son of Zorn
"That'll make me feel better."
Son of Zorn
"So you guys should just roll on by,"
Son of Zorn
"with my 17-year-old."
Son of Zorn
"[glass shatters] Oh!"
Son of Zorn
"I just wish my ex would get off my back"
Son of Zorn
"After that, my wife refused to let me watch Amanda alone."
Son of Zorn
"That's your third bowl."
Son of Zorn
"I know, Mom, God."
Son of Zorn
"Oh, my."
Son of Zorn
"I've been pantsed many times."
Son of Zorn
"EDIE: Well, I don't like you hanging out with him."
Son of Zorn
"[scoffs] Whatever, I guess I'm just gonna wait in the car."
Son of Zorn
"about Queen Latifah again."
Son of Zorn
"for a kick-ass weekend? Are you psyched?"
Son of Zorn
"It's gonna be total anarchy."
Son of Zorn
"- Uh... yeah, yeah, sure. - Right?"
Son of Zorn
"And, uh, oh. Refrigerator."
Son of Zorn
"Oh, watch out. [sizzling, Zorn chuckles]"
Son of Zorn
"or, or, maybe even do your homework."
Son of Zorn
"what must be going through his opponent's head right now."
Son of Zorn
"Oh, what's up, you getting ready to do a halftime show for me?"
Son of Zorn
"[gulping]"
Son of Zorn
"Oh."
Son of Zorn
"- SHIRLEY: Edie? - CRAIG: Hey."
Son of Zorn
"Calm down, everyone. [all clamoring]"
Son of Zorn
"Well, I can kind of stop my heart for a couple minutes."
Son of Zorn
"in case our fortress was sacked."
Son of Zorn
"Hey, Zorn, it's me. I know I didn't mention it before,"
Son of Zorn
"but do not teach Alan how to stop his heart."
Son of Zorn
"[knocks on door] CRAIG: Edie?"
Son of Zorn
"Comedy is a universal language, yeah."
Son of Zorn
"- Oh, Jeff, yo, what's up? - What's up, Guns?"
Son of Zorn
"- Yeah. - BOTH: No."
Son of Zorn
"If you want to get up on some beer and get it in your mouths?"
Son of Zorn
"[crowd cheering, music plays] Oh, yeah!"
Son of Zorn
"You know, Alangulon, you were actually conceived to this song."
Son of Zorn
"gonna do some destruction,"
Son of Zorn
"I probably have a thing that you might be into."
Son of Zorn
"[playing air-harmonica to solo]"
Son of Zorn
"♪ Oh, once upon a midnight dreary ♪"
Son of Zorn
"[CD skipping]: # I wo... I wo... I wo... #"
Son of Zorn
"ZORN: I..."
Son of Zorn
"I just got to rub some lotion on my strap rash."
Son of Zorn
"What? [forced laugh] Oh, "curfew." What?"
Son of Zorn
"Be safe, or not. Whatever. Who cares? [forced laugh]"
Son of Zorn
"We have the whole place to ourselves."
Son of Zorn
"It's obvious you're not gonna be able to relax"
Son of Zorn
"All right, but... couch check on the rain sex."
Son of Zorn
"♪ Sheet meat a beautiful treat ♪"
Son of Zorn
"♪ Feet meat a beautiful treat ♪"
Son of Zorn
"It's just, um... I-I'm missing something."
Son of Zorn
"You know, no big deal, but starting to get nervous"
Son of Zorn
"You're right, you're right. I'm sorry."
Son of Zorn
"I'm an accountant."
Son of Zorn
"I mean, what are the odds that you would have"
Son of Zorn
"[nervous chuckle]"
Son of Zorn
"[laughter]"
Son of Zorn
"- Yeah. - Yeah, but if you do that, then, like,"
Son of Zorn
"Don't make me take my battle strap off, son."
Son of Zorn
"All right, buddy, how much is it gonna take"
Son of Zorn
"- How 'bout I give you $338? - 400, then."
Son of Zorn
"Yeah, uh, I'm sorry, Dad."
Son of Zorn
"or that Alan isn't wearing a jacket."
Son of Zorn
"'cause Jupiter and Venus and..."
Son of Zorn
"Family, please, regardless of whether or not"
Son of Zorn
"[lava gun blast, lava bubbling]"
Son of Zorn
"♪ Tra la la la, bombardier ♪"
Son of Zorn
"♪ And I've got some news for you ♪"
Son of Zorn
"[CD skipping] # For yo... yo... yo... #"
Son of Zorn
"Aw, man! [music stops] Damn it! Come on!"
Son of Zorn
"Hmm. Huh."
Son of Zorn
"Yes! Nothing but cart!"
Son of Zorn
"Hey, Zorn, we got you a new shower curtain."
Son of Zorn
"And a comforter for your guest bed."
Son of Zorn
"Aw, come on, who needs a comforter?"
Son of Zorn
"If we get cold, we'll start an apartment fire."
Son of Zorn
"you have to let us turn your place into something"
Son of Zorn
"- a little less... - Horrible."
Son of Zorn
"Yeah, I think I know how"
Son of Zorn
"to look out for the welfare of my child."
Son of Zorn
"- Vodka and chainsaws? - Yeah, that's right."
Son of Zorn
"[imitating echo]: Weekend, weekend, weekend..."
Son of Zorn
"- What? - ALAN: Hey, Mom."
Son of Zorn
"- Can I get these? - CRAIG: Skateboarding?"
Son of Zorn
"Come on. You want to do something extreme,"
Son of Zorn
"I'll take you hiking. I saw a snake once."
Son of Zorn
"- Come on. - Okay."
Son of Zorn
"But you have to get a helmet and pads."
Son of Zorn
"- What? - A helmet, Edie? Come on."
Son of Zorn
"You might as well make the kid skateboard in a diaper."
Son of Zorn
"Hey! No helmets at my place this weekend, buddy."
Son of Zorn
"It's gonna be anarchy!"
Son of Zorn
"- Zorn. - What?"
Son of Zorn
"I know you want Alan to think you're cool"
Son of Zorn
"Yeah, you're right, you're right."
Son of Zorn
"if Alan were to end up hurt or arrested,"
Son of Zorn
"he will never be allowed at your house again,"
Son of Zorn
"- ever. - Okay, okay, fine, fine,"
Son of Zorn
"fine, fine, I'll be the king of safety."
Son of Zorn
"Now, if you'll excuse me."
Son of Zorn
"Oh, my head. So glad I didn't wear a helmet."
Son of Zorn
"Okay, Internet, just tell me how to be safe with my teenage son."
Son of Zorn
"Well, I think Alangulon's got that covered already."
Son of Zorn
"[chuckles] Got 'em."
Son of Zorn
"[giggles] I do love him, though."
Son of Zorn
"Ah, now I feel bad."
Son of Zorn
"You know what? I'm gonna tell him I said that."
Son of Zorn
"[school bell rings, indistinct conversations]"
Son of Zorn
"[phone chimes]"
Son of Zorn
"ALAN: My dad is so lame."
Son of Zorn
"No, dude, your dad's awesome. [chuckles] [sighs]"
Son of Zorn
"[students laughing] GIRL: So cool."
Son of Zorn
"Looks like your new best friend Jeff is back from suspension."
Son of Zorn
"He's not my best friend, we just hang out in study hall."
Son of Zorn
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