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Clips from The Good Place - What's My Motivation (S01E01)

"was fixing the sinkhole. It gave me an idea."
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"but I'm gonna do nice things"
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"and if you do it for everyone in the neighborhood,"
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"Eleanor, everyone hates you."
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"about our morning hardboiled egg routine,"
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"the eggs or the routine."
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"I love you."
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"Hmm, this isn't right."
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"We just don't got that skrilla, B."
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"Dope."
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"Yo."
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"Yes, it would appear that way."
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"This will be the fourth most important party I have ever thrown."
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"- To whom? - Sorry, my protocol forbids me"
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"I wasn't a failed DJ."
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"and there is nothing in my protocol"
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"Sure thing."
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"I don't know what to do."
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"but if I tell her that I love her for the wrong reasons,"
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"in the parking lot behind the port-a-potties..."
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"Hey, your score just went up 20 points."
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"I should have mentioned that earlier."
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"Oh, I thought I had everything under control"
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"I promise."
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"Yes, well said."
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"but I never meant to hurt you,"
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"And I fell into a sinkhole."
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"- That's very funny. - It's nerfect!"
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"because everything I'm doing is out of self-preservation."
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"wishing for the sweet release of eternal extinction."
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"Hey, um..."
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"And then the cops showed up."
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"We know he was the... brains."
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"No. I'm not starting over."
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"But she did earn enough points,"
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"It's neither a Good Place nor a Bad Place."
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"the judge, who's coming here to judge you."
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"I needed to tend to, but it can wait, it can wait."
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"Now, I'm about to show you some very sensitive information."
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"The final point totals each of you achieved"
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"for all your actions on Earth."
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"_"
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"Whoa, your point total was crazy high, Eleanor."
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"Oh, sorry, "Crazy High Eleanor""
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"was my nickname in college."
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"I accidentally saw these point totals when Michael"
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"We will apply the formula to Eleanor's actions here"
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"in the Good Place, and if you earn enough"
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"new points, then we could argue that you should stay here."
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"never had to prove someone belonged here before."
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"But the judge will be here soon, and this is the best way to build our case."
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"Now, the average point total"
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"for a resident here is roughly 1.2 million."
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"Right now, based on everything that you did on Earth,"
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"you have -4,008."
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"That's not great,"
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"for every goober in this place until my point total is so high"
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"I can rub it in all their smug faces."
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"You just lost five points."
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"_"
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"Hello! Hi, how are you?"
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"There has to be something bigger I can do"
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"than holding the door and waving."
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"There's no way every Walmart greeter is in the Good Place."
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"Wal... mart?"
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"It's a place regular people go."
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"- You haven't heard of it. - Look, I know this is tedious,"
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"but holding a door for someone is three points,"
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"then that's almost a thousand points for just a start."
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"Besides, all the big ticket items"
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"are impossible, I'm afraid. It's not as if you could,"
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"you know, "sacrifice your life to save others""
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"or "change the consciousness of a nation.""
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"Both of which I did, by the way."
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"Such fun."
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"Have a wonderful day."
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"This is pointless."
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"The ticker isn't even going up,"
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"and everyone's giving me the stink eye."
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"Well, fork you too."
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"No, this is good."
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"Now that we know, we can actually do something about it."
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"And I am an expert at mediating conflict,"
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"like when my friends Scary, Sporty, Posh, and Baby"
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"had an issue with my other friend Archbishop Desmond Tutu."
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"Yeah, I don't know what I love more"
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"Um, actually, this morning,"
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"there's a little surprise in yours."
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""I love you." How cute."
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"I love you too, egg."
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"Oh, no, no, Chidi,"
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"Ohh."
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"Well, that is... something."
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"I know you've gone through a lot,"
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"and now I'm throwing this at you, but I just..."
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"I had to tell you how I feel."
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"I love you. No need to respond."
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"- Great. - Well, at some point,"
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"you'll respond, right?"
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"I just meant no rush."
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"You wanna talk about eggs again?"
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"I'm sorry, I've never kissed anyone before."
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"Is one tongue okay?"
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"I can add more tongues."
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"No, that's not it."
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"We're married now, but we still haven't told your dad."
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"Once again, Michael is not my dad,"
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"and we shouldn't tell him."
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"If Michael finds out that we're married,"
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"then he'll know you're not Tahani's soul mate,"
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"and then he'll know that you're really Jason and not Jianyu."
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"He'd send you to the Bad Place."
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"Mm, I don't want to lose you, girl."
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"- I'm not a girl. - But also,"
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"I hate all this hiding."
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"I want us to have the life we deserve."
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"Pillboi, let's talk big picture."
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"You know I love Jacksonville."
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"J-town."
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"It's easily one of the top ten swamp cities"
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