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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Little Sister (S01E01)

"Oh, Moira, relax."
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"Just relax. If we had lice, I'd have lice."
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"I'm sorry. I know I should've called, but, um,"
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"when I heard about your life collapsing,"
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"Yes, well, we've had kind of a hectic year."
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"You just push the buttons and say,"
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"Come in and say hi to your Aunt Dee Dee."
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"Ah, you're so sweet."
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"Oh!"
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"Okay."
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"Oh."
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"- Grant, this is David Rose. - Hi."
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"Honestly, Twy,"
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"ixnay on the ongsay."
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"Granted, I am tone deaf and he was a..."
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"Okay, I know. And I'm all for it, I'm all for it."
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"Uh, that depends."
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"Mm-hmm."
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"should scare you."
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"I don't know."
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"Why? What's going on?"
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"Oh."
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"Moira, why are you making this so difficult for me?"
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"Uh, you know, I think it's best we don't go there."
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"- Thank you? - Ugh. Too late."
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"Well, Moira,"
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"No. No."
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"Yes, yes. I am paying you back."
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"It's not everything, but it's a start."
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"Uh, well, he asked me out for dinner tonight, so we're gonna do that."
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"We're gonna go for dinner, Grant and I."
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"candy bowl of condoms on his bedside table or something."
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"Hey."
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"Yes. Yes, he is."
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"Are you like a doctor, or something? A psychologist?"
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"So why would I talk to you?"
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"So she told you to come here and, what, help me?"
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"Is there anything else you wanna help me with?"
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"Nothing for me, thanks."
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"Well, isn't that funny because Moira doesn't eat here, either."
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"No."
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"Yes, go on."
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"I'm gonna do this for you, but mostly, I'm doing it for me."
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"Yes, we gave you 50,000 when we had the money."
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"I can't ask you for $50,000."
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"Okay, I think I can do you"
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"I have a party later. Can you buy me some beer?"
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"- Yeah, sure. - Thank you."
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"Um, I just don't think"
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"Maybe, but... I don't... I'm not... Yeah, I'm not sure."
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"You know, I'm just trying to make it work."
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"I think that you should talk to Mutt before"
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"Bye."
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"In all honesty, Mutt was just a placeholder."
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"So word on teen street"
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"is that our little friends-with-benefits situation is a..."
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"- Friends. - Friends. Yeah."
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"- That's good, right? - It's good."
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"Ahhh!"
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"- Fuck me. Fuck me. - What?"
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"- Fuck me! - What?"
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"- John, there's something in the bed! - What?"
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"Something crawled up my leg and I can't see it!"
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"- What? - I can't see it!"
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"- A spider? - No! Something invisible like"
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"lice or scabies or bed bugs!"
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"Oh, we don't have bed bugs."
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"Oh, John, I can't afford to burn all my clothes."
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"Guess who?"
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"Dee Dee!"
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"- Hi, Momo. - What the hell?"
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"I just thought it'd be really fun to come see my older sister"
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"in her new digs."
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"You know, a little visit."
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"Oh. Um..."
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"lice."
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"So, Dee Dee, you are, uh,"
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"But enough about me, I wanna talk about you guys."
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"Oh."
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"I want you to know that I really wanted to come and visit you"
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"but I got this really big job promotion that week"
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"and things got, you know, kind of crazy."
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"Plus, we haven't really seen much of each other recently."
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"Well, thank goodness for the Internet."
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"Seemed to be the only thing letting me know you two were still alive."
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"Telephone is also amazing."
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""Hi, it's me, your deadbeat sister.""
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"Well, it's a treat seeing you two going at it again."
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"Kids!"
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"Better hurry before she disappears for another decade."
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"Ohhh! Oh!"
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"What?"
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"Why did I think that you were dead?"
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"Now, how long has it been since we've seen each other?"
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"I think you crashed one of my pool parties"
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"with some guy you were calling "Uncle Julio.""
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"I remember that."
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"All right, you guys treat yourself, okay? Buy yourself something nice."
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"- $100? - Oh, my God."
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"- Oh, my God. I missed you. - Oh, my goodness. Wow."
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"I missed you so much. I missed you so much."
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"I don't know what you were so worried about, Moira."
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"Dee Dee, what are you doing here?"
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"Are you staying here at the motel? Can I get you a room?"
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"No, I mean..."
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"No, I booked myself into a junior suite"
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"at the Comfort Inn in Elmdale, thank you."
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"This is very darling. It's just, it doesn't have a gym"
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"and I'm kind of in the best shape of my life right now,"
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"and I kind of wanna keep it that way."
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"Okay, so you're saying that I would be as in shape as you are"
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"if I just fixed lights all day?"
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"Pretty much. Well,"
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"a few pull-ups here and there."
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"Okay, so you do work out."
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"You are such a liar."
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"Wow. Did Stevie say something funny or..."
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"- He's one of our permanent guests here. - Don't say that, again."
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"- Grant does repairs around here. - Oh, great."
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"He was also just trying to tell me that he got that body"
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