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Clips from New Girl - Jess & Julia (S01E01)

"Your sheets are so soft."
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"- Who's that girl? - Who's that girl?"
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"they had this fermented milk stuff that they drink."
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"- Wow. - So, um, your place or mine?"
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"By being condescending and judgmental?"
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"- What are we talking about? - Did you just hear "lesbian community"..."
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"Here's a scenario that's paid sexual dividends..."
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"particularly in the Asian markets, and, Jess, you can back me up on this."
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"You're dating other people? - Yeah, yeah."
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"And eventually, Nick is gonna come to you..."
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"- I said that I would be here, so I'm here. - Don't worry. I think I can handle it."
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"I am almost done."
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"Okay, it was 'hood-adjacent."
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"The bigger towel. Not... Do not touch the small one."
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"full of naked women every day..."
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"They've actually been in my family for almost 40 years."
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"- Wow. - If these old things could talk, huh?"
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"Ew."
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"- I was just trying to paint a picture. - Read the room."
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"Ha, ha. - Jeez."
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"Hey, Julia. - Hey."
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"It's so fun having another girl around here."
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"There are tampons hidden all over the apartment."
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"Aah! Damp towel! Damp!"
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"- Here we go. - It's like a really big Wet-Nap."
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"Feel like I'm being licked by a golden retriever."
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"Look at this bathroom."
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"There should not be two girls in this bathroom."
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"You're too humid. You make everything damp."
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"Eighty percent of the products are yours."
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"Blah, blah, blah, yawn, yes. I use sculpting chutney."
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"Once I'm done with my chutney, back in the row it goes."
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"- Hair everywhere... - Hello."
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"The multicolored rubber bands. I'm fine with it. It's all okay with me."
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"A damp towel is where I draw the line."
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"Sorry, so, what are your thoughts on damp towels?"
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"Oh, you better watch it, Nick's guest."
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"- Julia. - I know your name."
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"- Are you flexing right now? - No."
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"Hey. - I'm gonna get ready in your room."
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"Sure. Feeling weird in here?"
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"Hey, Julia, I'll see you later tonight. - Yeah. See you later."
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"She's helping me get out of a traffic ticket."
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"Are you seriously using the girl I'm sleeping with for free legal advice?"
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"I'm sorry, the girl you're sleeping with?"
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"- You can't call her your girlfriend? - We're not labeling it."
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"Oh, you're not labeling it..."
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"because you're too sophisticated. - Don't do your sophisticated guy."
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"- Not how a sophisticated man dances. - How does he?"
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"I'm too sophisticated"
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"I don't believe in labeling"
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"- You gotta get laid. - You gotta get laid."
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"- Yeah. - This is bad."
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"- Who's that girl? - Who's that girl?"
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"It's Jess"
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"Maybe I should call Shelby. I haven't seen her since I got back from Latvia."
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"We did have an amazing time together."
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"Whoo."
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"- That was amazing. - Yeah."
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"All right, bye."
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"I'm gonna call her."
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"Yeah, over in Latvia..."
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"Whole country runs on the stuff. Called:"
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"Was definitely one of my biggest endorsements."
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"I have a lot of endorsements, but that was my biggest..."
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"amongst other endorsements that I had."
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"What are we laughing at?"
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"How much I'm not going home with you tonight."
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"You show up after two years, out of the blue..."
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"and all you do is talk about yourself."
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"You don't even let me get a word in edgewise."
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"Heh. Why did you agree to let me take you out for drinks?"
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"Winston, you took me out for a drink at the place where I work."
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"Here's your bill."
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"Thanks for the water."
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"Man, I told you to get yourself whatever you wanted."
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"You chose water."
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"- Have a seat. - Okay."
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"Let me get you a blanket."
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"- Why would I want a blanket right now? - Just to get toasty."
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"Oh. Oh."
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"Would you like a cookie or a cupcake? I made them."
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"Oh, no, I'm okay. I'm not really a dessert person."
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"- I just don't eat it, usually. - Okay."
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"- I'm just gonna put this, like, right here. - Oh."
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"- I don't... Okay. - Just..."
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"- They got a photo of you? - At the scene of the crime."
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"- Is this it? - Yeah."
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"Okay."
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"Hmm. This may actually be kind of hard to argue with."
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"There's actually more there than meets the eye."
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"Um, there was a bird, he's not in the shot, but he was injured..."
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"and couldn't get out of the road, so I braked. And I had to accelerate..."
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"out of the intersection. - You missed your court date."
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"My ex-boyfriend failed to send it to me before the court date."
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"He doesn't believe in mail. Has to do with his thoughts on government spending."
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"Now it's an $800 fine."
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"That's why I need, like, a really awesome lawyer, like you."
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"- So can you help me? - I mean, I can try."
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"You never know. Ajudge might buy into this whole thing, so..."
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"What whole thing?"
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"Your whole thing."
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"With the cupcakes and the braking for birds..."
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"and bluebirds come and help me dress in the morning."
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"Oh, I didn't know I was doing a thing."
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"It's a great thing."
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"I mean, the big beautiful eyes."
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"Like a scared baby. I'm sure that gets you out of all kinds of stuff."
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"Yeah. Yeah, except my peripheral vision..."
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"is, like, almost too good."
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"Hey, so living here, it's probably fun, right?"
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"- Yeah. - Like, lots of girls..."
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"coming in and out of this place?"
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"Schmidt is like Ellis Island in the 1800s."
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"He accepts everyone."
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"Yeah, and Winston and Nick..."
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"I probably shouldn't..."
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"- Oh. Yeah. You don't have to... - Plead the Fifth!"
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"- No, that's not what... Whoa. - Objection!"
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"- Nick, hey! - Hey, Julia."
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