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Clips from South Park - Le Petit Tourette (S11E11)

"I'm Chris Hansen."
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"Go ahead and take a seat. Take a seat right over there."
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"But now we're switching our focus from pedophiles to Tourette's syndrome."
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"Dear Mr. Hansen, I have Tourettes"
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"and I want the world to understand what it's like."
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"so that the world can learn to accept us instead of laugh?"
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"Livingn with Tourette's: The Eric Cartman Story."
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"This Saturday on Dateline NBC."
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"Finally, my wish of going public with my illness can come true."
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"Goddamn Jews! Suck my ass barf!"
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"Hello, Kyle. Dickhead!"
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"Yes. It's all finally come to fruition. The final cog in my master plan."
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"This Saturday, I will go on national television, live."
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"I will say horrible things on the air."
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"Disspeakable things. And people will call me brave."
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"This isn't funny!"
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"Not funny? I have free rein to say anything I want"
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"and you get into trouble if you try and stop me. Care for a Scotch?"
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"Scotch?"
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"on the bus, at the dinner table."
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"But this Saturday, I will actually say anything I want on national television."
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"I'm going to blast the Jews, Kyle."
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"I'm going to call them every name in the book"
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"and people wlll call it brilliant television."
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"You are not going to go on national television"
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"and spew a bunch of hate speech about Jewish people."
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"I won't let you do it, Cartman."
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"Then the game is on, Kyle."
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"It's not a game, you derelict. And this isn't Scotch! It's apple juice."
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"Do you have any idea how liberating it is"
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"Big titties! Buttmumch! There's no walls anymore. Shit!"
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"Whatever enters my brain, I can just say it without thinking about it."
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"I wet my bed last night."
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"- What did you say? - Nothing..."
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"You aren't gonna get away with this, you stupid asshole!"
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"We are here today to congratulate a brave little boy."
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"Tonight, Eric Cartman will go on television"
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"and become the spokesman for Tourette's Syndrome."
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"Piss out my ass!"
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"Oh no. Cock!"
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"Thanks, everybody. Suck my balls!"
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"Jews bomber, dick sneeze. And it is because of you..."
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"that I have the courage to go on national television tonight."
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"Titty sprinkles."
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"I would be so happy."
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"And I also just want to say that I'm making this all up!"
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"I'm making this all up to you, for putting up with my mental disorder."
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"I cry at night because I don't have a dad."
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"What the hell is going on?"
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"It's okay, Eric. We understand your illness, m'kay?"
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"And I'm secretly in love with Patty Nelson."
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"I fantasize about kissing Patty Nelson!"
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"Excuse me, I need a toilet! Bathroom! Bathroom!"
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"Butters, do you think it's possible"
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"that you can lose your ability to filter what you say?"
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"I mean, if somebody got used to saying whatever came to their mind."
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"Could they start saying things that they would normally never say?"
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"My cousin one time, my cousin and I touched wieners."
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"You... you and your cousin touched wieners?"
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"I didn't say that-- Yes I did, but why?"
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"Oh! Stop it!"
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"Is there a problem, sweetie?"
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"No, no problem."
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"I just want to thank everyone for coming--"
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"My cousin and I touched wiener..."
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"We--wiener, we--weenter! Winter is a cold time of year."
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"Ah, I need to be going now."
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"Well, all right, Eric. Well good luck on Dateline tonight."
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"Dateline. Right. I wet my ba--"
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"I touched my cousin's wee... This sure has been fun! Goodbye!"
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"Tonight, an inside look at Tourette's Syndrome."
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"I'm Chris Hansen."
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"I'm Chris Hansen."
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"- Why not? - My grandma just died."
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"So I have to go to Memphis. That's not true. My grandma's fine."
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"- Why don't you have a seat? - No, I just need to get home."
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"- I'm not doin' the show. - Go ahead and take a seat."
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"- But I'm not gonna do the-- - Take a seat, right over there."
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"What are you doing here?"
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"I'm telling you that I'm not doing the show?"
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"But you are doing the show."
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"Well of course you can't control what you say. You have Tourette's."
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"Before I just blurted out cool stuff about Jews being lame and stuff."
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"But now it's gotten really bad."
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"So I'm sorry, but I'm not doing the show and that's it."
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"Goodbye."
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"- Why don't you take a seat? - No, I don't wanna take a seat."
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"- Have a seat. - No, I'm just gonna go--"
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"Take a seat, right over there."
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"How does he do that?"
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"You know, one time, I was doing a show called 'To Catch A Predator.'"
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"but then he ran from us because he didn't wanna be on Dateline."
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"Se we tracked him down to his house. And you know what he did?"
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"It'd be a shame if you didn't wanna go on Dateline."
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"Be a shame if we had to track you down and you "shot yourself.""
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"I just peed my pants."
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"This is Dateline."
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"Tonight, an inside look at Tourette's Syndrome."
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"I'm Chris Hansen."
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"In a few minutes, you will meet little Eric Cartman."
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"Who wants the world to understand his affliction."
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"Five minutes, kid."
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"Jesus Christ. How did I get myself into this?"
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"God? Please, I know I screwed up."
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"I should have never pretended to have Tourette's Syndrome,"
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"You can't just walk around saying whatever you want."
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"You gave us a filter because, people don't wanna hear things like..."
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"I touched penises with my cousin!"
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"whatever you want on national televison..."
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"because there could be kids watching."
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"Please, God, don't make me embarrass myself on national television."
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"You must see how this is all somewhat your fault, right?"
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"Please, I need a miracle."
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"Copy Foxtrot. Tango in position. Aw, shit!"
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"You sure you don't wanna back out?"
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"No, you were right. The fat kid is faking it!"
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"that having Tourette's is fun. Asshole shit!"
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"All right, then we go with the plan. Just like 'To Catch A Predator.'"
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"The first guy is here. This is probably HotForBoys219."
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"Hi, are you CuteBilly182?"
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