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Clips from New Girl - Re-launch (S02E02)

"Ugh. Jess. Would you please scratch an itch I have on my undercarriage?"
New Girl
"Thank God this thing comes off this afternoon."
New Girl
"[SIGHS]"
New Girl
"Oh, yeah."
New Girl
"It's Jess"
New Girl
"But the bad news is is that it seems you are one of them."
New Girl
"What are you doing?"
New Girl
"...you can have anything you want out of the lost-and-found box."
New Girl
"Okay."
New Girl
"That is not just some disgusting, salty bundle of gauze."
New Girl
"It's not danger. It'll be announced on the night."
New Girl
"Look at that. What, did a magician die in that thing?"
New Girl
"NICK: No, you guys, she's really sad and we've gotta..."
New Girl
"And all I have to do is be infected with dengue fever."
New Girl
"[IMITATES OLD MAN] "I'm Nick. I hate sunshine."
New Girl
""Look at that idiot, couldn't even get a big cat.""
New Girl
"Let's get rid of that."
New Girl
"I'll sleep with you if you give me a part in a Paramount picture."
New Girl
"Hey, young man, why weren't you drafted?"
New Girl
"A pretty heavy drug problem."
New Girl
"Why are you proud of that?"
New Girl
"You're all a bunch of jerks."
New Girl
"Like he's the Lord of Winterfell, or he's working with a real piece of pipe."
New Girl
"Schmidt. Schmidt, don't get hung up on that guy!"
New Girl
"- Hey. - I'm Schmidt."
New Girl
"I, too, was a sexual partner of Cece."
New Girl
"Can I get a broom?"
New Girl
"[LMFAO'S "PUT THAT As $ TO WORK" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]"
New Girl
"- Right. - I think I can get Cece back."
New Girl
"I'm a shot girl."
New Girl
"Oh, okay. Let's see here. And then..."
New Girl
"[LAUGHS]"
New Girl
"Oh! Late, late, late."
New Girl
"[SINGING] I couldn't dance with another"
New Girl
"No, I couldn't ask for another"
New Girl
"Groove is in the heart"
New Girl
"Cold! Cold! Cold shower!"
New Girl
"Hey, you can't turn the sink on when someone's in the shower."
New Girl
"This is not some fancy hotel."
New Girl
"Okay, I'm sorry, I overslept. I'm running late for a meeting."
New Girl
"Please get out of here, so I can save a little bit of my dignity."
New Girl
"One, two, three, four."
New Girl
"[SINGING] Groove is in the heart"
New Girl
"- I'm not going to do it, stop asking me. - I'm gonna keep asking, so just do it."
New Girl
"I'm not doing it till you tell me why you had time to shave your chest, but not your face."
New Girl
"I can't get the right angle. Winston refuses."
New Girl
"JESS: No, I don't have time, Schmidt. - Jess, please. This is awful."
New Girl
"I feel like I dropped something in there. You hear that? Loose change."
New Girl
"[CLINKING]"
New Girl
"We talked about you not wearing your diaper in the kitchen."
New Girl
"Excuse me, do you think this has been easy for me..."
New Girl
"...to wash myself all summer long with a penis cast on?"
New Girl
"And by the way, I know what you've been thinking."
New Girl
"I have been able to reach completion with some precise and vigorous nipple play."
New Girl
"Nipple play, off-limits."
New Girl
"Wait, Jess, please, I'm begging you."
New Girl
"JESS: Okay, fine. - Just get it... Just get it in there."
New Girl
"- In the back. There you go. JESS: Stop moving like that."
New Girl
"- Oh, thank God. - What am I watching here?"
New Girl
"- What do you mean? - This is friendship."
New Girl
"Pure unadulterated friendship."
New Girl
"- Hi, Tanya. Um, sorry I'm late. - Take a seat."
New Girl
"Okay. Is everything all right?"
New Girl
"- I'll give you the bad news first. - Okay."
New Girl
"The bad news is is that cutbacks are forcing me..."
New Girl
"...to lay off 10 percent of our non-tenured teachers."
New Girl
"That's terrible."
New Girl
"That's not how you deliver news."
New Girl
"Trying to make this more fun."
New Girl
"- No. - You're right."
New Girl
"Tanya, I'm a really good teacher. I care about my kids."
New Girl
"I spent two months in summer school..."
New Girl
"...with an Indian student named Vaj Rejuv and I did not laugh once."
New Girl
"- Not once. - I'm sorry, Jess."
New Girl
"But on the plus side..."
New Girl
"- Good choice. - Thank you for the opportunity."
New Girl
"Um, it's been an honor working here."
New Girl
"- The dictionary defines "teacher" as... - Okay, you can take another one."
New Girl
"NICK: You can't share a bowl of cereal. WINSTON: Why not?"
New Girl
"The cast is off, gentlemen."
New Girl
"- Great, congratulations, man. - Good for you, man."
New Girl
"- Yeah, take it in. WINSTON: The smell, man."
New Girl
"We've done nothing but love you, Schmidt."
New Girl
"Soak it all in, in all its foul glory."
New Girl
"That is a symbol of who I was for the past two months."
New Girl
"The broken-penis guy."
New Girl
"If there's anything majoring in marketing with a minor in theater studies taught me..."
New Girl
"...it's that everybody has a brand."
New Girl
"Nick, your brand is Gypsy Alcoholic Handyman."
New Girl
"Winston, your brand is Winston."
New Girl
"[NICK CHUCKLES]"
New Girl
"Nicholas. Winstoniel."
New Girl
"I'm staging an event to re-launch the Schmidt brand."
New Girl
"It's going to happen this Saturday night and it is going to be epic."
New Girl
"You're having a party to tell girls you're ready to have sex again?"
New Girl
"- Not a party. A re-branding event. - Please tell me there's not a theme."
New Girl
"There's a theme. A secret that'll be announced on the night."
New Girl
"- I bet it's danger. - No, you're wrong."
New Girl
"- It's danger. - I'm with danger."
New Girl
"Come on, it's not danger. Stop guessing danger."
New Girl
"- Who'd you invite? - Ladies from Lululemon, my urologist."
New Girl
"My badminton partner, financial planner, Philip Seymour Hoffman."
New Girl
"A guy who once wrote for a little show called Crank Yankers."
New Girl
"She hasn't spoken to you all summer, since you broke up with her."
New Girl
"Yeah, I'm over it, it's not about her, I hope she comes. Now, let's talk venue."
New Girl
"Jess. Oh, my God, are you okay? How long have you been sitting here?"
New Girl
"I panicked and I grabbed the hat."
New Girl
"I should've grabbed the yo-yo or the slap bracelet."
New Girl
"And now all I have is this stupid hat."
New Girl
"- I'm sorry. - No, you're right."
New Girl
"I'm over-thinking it. The hat's fine."
New Girl
"- Will you take me home? - Yeah, of course."
New Girl
"I can't go upstairs though because of the whole Schmidt thing."
New Girl
"...before something amazing is gonna happen for you. I promise."
New Girl
"Put these on."
New Girl
"- Is this making you feel better? - Heh-heh-heh."
New Girl
"[CHUCKLES]"
New Girl
"I've decided to host my re-launch event at Nick's bar."
New Girl
"- No. - And you, my friend, are bartending."
New Girl
"- Don't make me work for you. - Come on, man, you're perfect."
New Girl
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