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Clips from How I Met Your Mother (2005) - Romance (S01E01)

"Everything here is dark and sketchy, and seems illegal."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"It's like shopping in Barney's mind."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Good luck, baby. - Bye."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(BIRDS CHIRPING)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Hey, Barney?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm not sure about this. A tailor in the backroom of a pet store?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Look, do you want a quality suit and a free rabbit or not?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(SPEAKING UKRAINIAN)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Ted, Sergei says stop moping around. You're distracting him from his process."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You speak Ukrainian?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(EXCLAIMS ADMITTEDLY)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Guys. I'm kind of screwed here."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I don't wanna lose Victoria, but I can't ask her to stay just for me."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And long-distance definitely isn't an option."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No, no, no. No way. You know who likes long-distance?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Girls. It's all talking and no sex. Kill me now."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Hey, don't knock long-distance relationships."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I really think they can work."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Really? You? - BARNEY: Absolutely."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm juggling four right now. There's Lisa in Madrid."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"There's Erica in Tokyo. There's Laura in Denmark."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And Kelly on 34th Street."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm a humble sheep shearer from Killarney."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Ted, do you remember in college,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yeah."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Well, she kept talking about this cheesy French guy, Gabrielle."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"So, I went out to visit and there was this party."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And he's got this weak-ass, thin, French moustache."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"So, I took him aside, and I got all creepy quiet"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
""I'll eat that moustache right off of your ugly French face.""
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yeah. No, he literally ran away. I think he was crying."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I never told Lily about it. To be honest, I'm not very proud of it."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"To be even more honest, I am."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Other than confirming a lot of European stereotypes about Americans,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"The point is, that even though Lily is my soul mate,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"long-distance still almost killed us."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"If you think that there's any chance that Victoria's your soul mate,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"you should ask her to stay."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Well, I don't know if she is. It's still too early. But, yeah, she could be."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Is she a cat person, or a dog person? Is she open to a three-way?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Ted, I do more research than this before buying a cell phone."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And, FYI, yes, I have three-way calling."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Look, she can't be a cat person. I'm a dog person."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm attracted to other dog people."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Are you sure? - All right."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- How do you feel about cats? - Cats. Hated the musical, love the animal."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Oh, excellent. We'll take this one. - This one."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Hey, hey. It's my suit. Shouldn't I be the one to choose?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(LAUGHS)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Here, play with this pincushion."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"God, I'm gonna look hot."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Marshall, I can't let you waste a suit this nice"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"fighting a losing battle for our planet's survival."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"This is a suit for winners. I am getting you an interview at my office."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"We need good men like you in our legal department."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No way. The kid does not sell out."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, come on, dude. Three months working with me,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"you'll make more than Lily makes in a year."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No. I've made my decision."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"So have I. If I ask this girl to give up her dreams for me,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"It's just too much pressure on a new relationship."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm gonna tell her to go."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"OLDER TED; And so, I met her that night to tell her my decision,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"All right, I've been thinking a lot about this, and..."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I wanted to give you this."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"This is what happens when you, you know, let them finish baking."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I want you to stay."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Everything here is dark and sketchy, and seems illegal."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"It's like shopping in Barney's mind."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Good luck, baby. - Bye."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Now, what sort of dress did you have in mind, dear?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Nothing too huge or poofy. I'm not really a girly girl."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"But I would like to look like a beautiful princess."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- I saw a couple up front that were nice. - By the window?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No offense, dear, but those are a little out of your price range."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Where does she get off?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"She doesn't know how much money I make."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"These women are experts."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"They can guess your net annual income just by looking at your underwear."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Damn you, Old Navy and your reasonably-priced three-packs."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Well, at least we get free champagne. - And cake."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Speaking of which, Victoria,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You know, I don't know. I mean, I want to go, but I don't want to lose Ted."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I even thought about long-distance, as if that ever works."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"All talking and no sex. Kill me now."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I know it sounds lame, but I actually think that Ted might be the one."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- That's pretty hard to walk away from. - Well, I don't know."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'd feel a little Stepford turning down a huge opportunity"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"to chase some guy I'd only known two months."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- He's the best guy I know. - Yeah, in America. But German guys?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I would let them bread my schnitzel any day, if you know what I mean."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- I really don't. - Sex."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Excuse me, ma'am. This bastard's kicked. Thanks."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(BOTH EXCLAIMING)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"That's okay, guys, I hate it."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Short in the front, long in the back. That is the mullet of wedding dresses."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You know, Victoria, Marshall and I did long-distance once."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"In college, I did an art course in Paris. I was the only American there."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I was really Ionely. I only had one friend. Gabrielle."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And she was kind of homely and strange-Iooking."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And she was really self-conscious about this little moustache she had."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Anyway, halfway through the semester, she just stopped talking to me,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"and I never figured out why."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And then I had nobody."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"The only thing that got me through was"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"knowing that my soul mate was back at home waiting for me."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"If Ted's your soul mate, then it may be worth it to hang on to him."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"But how am I supposed to know if we're soul mates? It's too soon."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(CELLPHONE RINGING)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Speak of the devil."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Hello? - Hey, random question."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- How do you feel about cats? - Cats. Hated the musical, love the animal."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- A cat person. Why am I not surprised? - Stop it."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Bye. Why does Ted want to know if I like cats?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Maybe he's gonna buy you one."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I did hear barking in the background."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Maybe he was in a pet store. Does he want us to get a cat together?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Maybe he's using an adorable kitty to guilt you into staying."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"That is low. Do you really think that's what he's doing?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, I wouldn't even wait to find out. I would be on the next plane to Germany."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
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