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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Joel Grey (S01E01)

"Yeah. Let me ask you something. Well, now that you're with us, why don't you, uh..."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"why don't you just tell us a little about yourself?"
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"Actually, there's not much left to tell."
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"Oh."
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"Boy, what a dull guest."
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"Dull, my foot. Why, that young man is one of the all-time greats."
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"Do you hear me? One of the greats."
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"Well, you'll get no argument from me on that."
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"That may be the first time we ever agreed on anything in our lives."
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"No. We once agreed in the summer of 1912, yes."
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"What was that?"
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"We agreed that Kaiser Bill looked silly in a hat."
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"Remember?"
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"No."
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"Ah, Turkey - land of my dreams."
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"the Turkish women, the coffee, the towels."
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"In every way, my heart belongs to Turkey."
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"But lo, what lovely Eastern maiden approacheth?"
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"(whispers) Pachalafaka."
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"♪ Pachalafaka"
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"♪ Pachalafaka"
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"♪ Pachalafaka"
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"♪ It sounds so romantic and perky"
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"♪ Will make me thrill always"
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"♪ For it reminds me of you, my sweet"
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"♪ Just the mention of"
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"♪ That tender word of love"
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"♪ Gives my heart a jerkish Turkish beat"
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"♪ Or "l'amour toujours""
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"♪ For they can't express what I'm feeling"
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"♪ Even "mairzy doats""
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"♪ Or other foreign quotes"
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"♪ Don't seem to be quite so appealing"
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"♪ But pachalafaka"
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"♪ Pachalafaka"
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"♪ Takes me back with you to passionate desert scenes"
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"♪ And it's where we'll stay"
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"♪ Till the very day"
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"♪ We find out what "pachalafaka" means ♪"
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"Yes. He's driving us bananas. Yes."
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"Yeah. If he don't stop with those jokes on any subject, I'll kill him."
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"I tell you, guys, I don't really know exactly what to do about it."
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"Now that's a thought. If you don't like his jokes, don't say anything."
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"Oh. Uh..."
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"How you doin', Kermit? How you doin', George?"
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"How you doin', George?"
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"Oh... I get it. The old silent treatment, huh?"
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"Gonna be quiet on Fozzie, huh? Uh..."
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"Let's see. Quiet, quiet, quiet."
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"Yeah. I knew a town that was so quiet,"
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"when someone turned the lights off,"
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"everybody yelled, "What was that?""
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"No, no."
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"She had "yes, yes" in her eyes, but "no no's" on her face."
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"Uh, tell you, Fozzie..."
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"Well, these jokes of yours are starting to bug everybody."
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"Bug, bug, bug..."
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"(all) Bug out!"
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"Well, that was no joke, Fozzie."
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"That was my wife."
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"Hi, Joel. Hey, why the hat?"
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"I got my new car outside, Gonzo. You wanna go for a spin?"
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"Sure."
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"Gonzo. Hey."
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"Relax, relax. I didn't mean actually go for a spin. It's just a phrase, like..."
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"You don't actually bite the hand that feeds you, do you?"
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"I mean, one doesn't talk through one's hat."
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"I hope not. I can talk for myself."
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"I thought you were going for a spin."
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"You're in for a special treat tonight, folks,"
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"as Fozzie Bear, the comedy star of our show,"
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"displays his ready wit and nimble mind"
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"in a test of comedy that would stump the best."
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"and Fozzie Bear will instantly give you a joke."
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"So here he is now, the fastest fur in the west, Mr. Fozzie Bear!"
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"Thank you, thank you. Yeah. Mwah."
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"Thank you. Mwah. Love you. Yeah. Hi."
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"Here I am, Fozzie Bear, jokes on request."
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"You name anything, any word, any subject,"
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"and I, Fozzie Bear,"
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"will hit you with a great joke about it."
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"Don't be afraid."
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"Just yell 'em out, and I'll yell 'em back. Come on!"
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"Amoeba."
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"Huh?"
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"He said "amoeba." Yeah."
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"Uh... amoeb... Sorry, no foreign words. Next."
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"Anybody else? Over there?"
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"You said any word. And he said "amoeba.""
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"Right. Right. Amoeba. Uh, uh..."
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"Could I come back to that?"
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"Fake. Fake. He's a fake."
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"Fake. Fake."
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"Fake? Fake? Fake, am I?"
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"OK. That does it. Give me that word again."
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"(both) Amoeba!"
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"Right. Amoeba."
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"Two amoebas walked out of a bar."
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"(laughter and applause) I did it, I did it."
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"He certainly did. What does "amoeba" mean, anyway?"
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"I don't know. I don't live around here, either."
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"a little-known classic of Arthur Conan Doyle entitled,"
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"Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Disappearing Clues."
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"Sherlock Holmes here. Watson there."
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"Oh, Mr. Holmes, I'm so glad you're here."
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"It's murder, Mr. Holmes. Murder."
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"Just calm down, my dear lady."
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"Dr. Watson and I"
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"will have this case solved in no time. Right, Watson?"
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"Of course. Holmes can solve any crime"
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"by a simple process of deduction."
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"Yes, sir. The body of Lord Bottomley is right over there."
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"Great heavens! Don't look, Watson."
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"It's too horrible to gaze upon."
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"What manner of fiend could have done this?"
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"Actually, I'm Fielding, the butler."
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"Lord Bottomley lies over there."
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"(gasps)"
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"Yes, yes."
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"Hmm... give me a moment."
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