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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Don Knotts (S02E02)

"It's The Muppet Show,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"[applause and whistles]"
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"♪ It's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight ♪"
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"♪ It's time to get things started ♪"
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"♪ On the most sensational Inspirational ♪"
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"here is a ginger-flavored opening number."
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"[applause]"
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"- I know what's wrong with this show. - What?"
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"I'm very relaxed."
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"[singing faster]"
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"[screams]"
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"[screaming]"
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"- Would you do that, please? - [crashing]"
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"Uh, well, I tell you, this is not my fault this time."
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"- [scoffs] - Yeah. Lullaby of Birdland."
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"Not, uh... Not trying to make friends."
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"- [slurping] - [laughing] Stop it!"
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"uh, that about wraps up tonight's Beast of the Week."
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"[loud growling]"
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"Mother? How could that be?"
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"He's got a great sense of humor, but a terrible memory."
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"Mmm. What it is?"
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"- Good? - Yes?"
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""Charlie Parker lives" supercool sunglasses."
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"Three feet, Dr. Bob. What do you make of that?"
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"Tune in next week when we'll hear Nurse Piggy say..."
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"[song ends]"
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"Hmm. Strange."
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"[Fozzie groaning] Sorry, lady."
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"Oh, boy. Oh, boy, oh, boy."
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"- Hi, Fozzie. - Aaah!"
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"Confidentially, uh, I always wanted to be hip."
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"- Oh, yeah? - Yeah."
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"- Yeah! - You know how it is."
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"No, Animal! You promised! Hey, man! Heel, heel!"
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"we're gonna need another player for the bass."
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"Hey, Kermit, no problem!"
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"Ah, yeah, my bear. I knew you were a gas."
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"Search no more, my man. You must be the bass player."
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"All right!"
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"Here we go!"
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"- Disgusting. - See you next week?"
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"- [knock on door] - Don Knotts. Don Knotts."
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"Twenty-five seconds to curtain, Mr. Knotts."
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"What are you doing hiding there behind the table?"
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"Listen, nobody told me I had to share a dressing room."
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"- Didn't they tell you about her? - Her?"
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"What's the matter, sweetie? You don't like chorus girls?"
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"[drumroll]"
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"with our very special guest star, Mr. Don Knotts."
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"♪ It's time to get things started ♪"
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"♪ This is what we call The Muppet Show! ♪"
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"[high-pitch squeak]"
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"Sorry."
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"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, thank you,"
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"and welcome again to The Muppet Show."
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"Listen, our guest star tonight is the slightly nervous,"
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"but very funny, Mr. Don Knotts. But first, just for fun,"
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"[♪ Sweet Gingerbread Man]"
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"[applause]"
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"- It's the theater. - What's wrong with it?"
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"- The seats face the stage. - [both chuckling]"
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"Thank you. Hi. Hiya, hiya."
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"Hey, hey, hey. Listen."
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"Kermit is letting me help plan tonight's show."
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"Uh, that's true, folks."
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"He plans his parts, and I plan the good parts."
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"- Kermit! - I'm just kidding, Fozzie."
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"- Go ahead, make your introduction. - Oh, OK."
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"Moving right along, we take you now for a trip into..."
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"[echoing] ...inner space."
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"I'm terribly calm and tranquil,"
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"and very, very relaxed indeed."
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"On the outside, but on the inside..."
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"[♪ Windmills Of Your Mind]"
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"But on the outside I'm very calm."
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"Well, how'd you like that opening number?"
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"Hmm? Oh, I didn't notice it."
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"Didn't notice it? How is that possible?"
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"It was loud and raucous with a screaming thing running amok."
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"[sighs] How could you not notice it?"
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"Well, in the future I'll try to be more observant."
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"This is fun. I really want to thank you"
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"for letting me help plan tonight's show, Kermit."
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"I wish we planned something calmer for the opening spot."
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"He looks calm enough to me."
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"OK, green thing,"
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"the band has asked me to have a word with you."
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"Yeah?"
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"I refer, specifically, to the closing number."
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"Oh, boy."
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"See, Fozzie Bear helped me plan tonight's show,"
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"and he was the one that wanted the band to play"
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"Lullaby of Birdland. That was Fozzie."
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"- [growls] - So this is the bear's doing, huh?"
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"- You bet. - Oh, hi, Floyd."
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"Uh, isn't Lullaby of Birdland all right?"
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"All right? Hey, it's terrific!"
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"- It is? - It is?"
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"Yeah. Lullaby of Birdland is a jazz classic."
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"At last we got some decent music in this gig."
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"Why isn't the bear running things around here?"
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"Yeah! Why isn't the bear running things around here?"
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"Yeah, why isn't the frog auditioning new comedians?"
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"Why isn't the bear keeping his mouth shut?"
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"- [fanfare] - OK, right now it's time"
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"for something good to happen,"
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"and that something is tonight's very funny guest star."
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"Welcome, please, the very relaxed Mr. Don Knotts."
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"[applause]"
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"Thank you, boys and girls,"
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"and welcome to Beast of the Week."
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"The program that presents the most hideous, repulsive"
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"and disgusting animals in the world"
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"just to amuse you sweet little kiddies."
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"Tonight's creature was just discovered,"
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"so it doesn't even have a name yet."
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"Shall we? [chuckles]"
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"[clears throat]"
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"[soft growling]"
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