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Clips from New Girl - Backslide (S01E01)

"- Ha-ha. - Mr. T called."
New Girl
"He wants to punch you because that looks stupid."
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"- Lil Wayne wears it, so... - Little Wayne Gonzalez from Brazil?"
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"Who came to the United States to dance and be free? Ah!"
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"Baby, I'm in the prime of my life."
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"- What you been doing all day? - I'm actually looking for an apartment."
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"It's for Caroline. She asked me to move in with her. I'm thinking about it."
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"- Cool. Cool. Sounds like so much fun. - I'm glad that's your reaction."
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"I thought you'd say I'm making a mistake."
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"- Honestly, I didn't want to hear that. - Yeah, that'd be silly. Heh-heh-heh."
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"- What are you doing? - Huh?"
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"- No, no, no. - Nick. Nick."
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"- Nick. Nick. - Don't."
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"- It's for your own good. - Get off me. No, Schmidt."
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"Grab him. Okay, grab him."
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"- You got him? You got him? - Watch the television."
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"Watch it. Watch the television."
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"Watch the TV. Watch the TV."
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"- Hello, Nick. - No!"
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"In all its glory. Watch it."
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"You magnificent dumb-ass."
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"If you're watching this, it's because you decided..."
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"to get back with Caroline. - Yes, Nick. I did."
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"Well, congratulations, you idiot."
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"- She destroyed you. - You don't know me, you jerk."
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"These, my dumb friend, are your tears."
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"You saved them all. Think back, Nick, or whatever they call you in your time."
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"Who dumped you three times?"
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"Once before your brother's wedding?"
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"He's divorced. I'll get another shot."
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"- This is a poem you wrote. - I don't want the poem."
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"But you're too emotional to read it right now."
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"You're gonna give it to Schmidt for safe-keeping."
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"- This is your doing, Caroline. - You were right to trust me."
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"Two years I held this thing."
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"- Read it. - Here they come."
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"Okay."
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"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"
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"No, a summer's day is not a bitch"
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"That's how you wanna talk about Caroline?"
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"I can't move, my earring is stuck."
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"- There's something I wanna do to you. - Don't move. Don't move."
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"- Let's act like men. - Aah!"
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"You wanna act like men? Let's act like men."
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"Look at how far you've come, Nick."
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"- Wanna be a bartender forever? - I still am."
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"You wanna be a grown man..."
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"who dresses like an unsponsored professional skateboarder?"
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"You're doing the right thing, so just keep going."
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"Can I talk to you Nick-to-Nick for a second?"
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"I respect you. You're rocking the hell out of that beard..."
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"the long hair looks good, despite what other people are gonna say."
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"The Caroline that broke your heart, I get why you don't like her."
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"Do you want me to live alone in this loft for the rest of my life?"
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"Hey, what's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?"
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"Thanks, guys. You helped me figure something out."
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"All right, I think this was a really nice talk, Future Nick."
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"I hope you got something from it, because I know that I did."
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"- I'm gonna call her. - No. Give me the phone."
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"- Coach, he's calling her again. - We lost him."
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"We sure did, Captain Black Sparrow."
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"- Hey, Paul. - Hey."
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"I'm not going to let you lie to your girlfriend. Okay?"
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"It's not fair to her."
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"So you have to tell her what happened between us or I will."
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"- You're right. I have to tell her. - Yeah."
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"I'm so scared though. I don't wanna lose her. Jess, she's my soul mate."
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"For someone with a soul mate, you sure had sex with me."
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"I know, I know. I don't expect you to believe me."
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"I wouldn't believe me if I were you."
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"But check it out. I even bought her an engagement ring."
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"Oh."
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"- That's beautiful. - I've been carrying it for weeks..."
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"trying to find the right way to propose."
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"I just started panicking, and I got... I don't know, I got scared..."
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"and really confused. I'm so sorry to drag you into this..."
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"but this was a big mistake."
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"- Paul, don't make me feel sorry for you. - I know, I messed up big time."
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"And I'm gonna lose her. Oh, God, I can't lose her."
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"Hey, babe, you left your tuner in my car. Oh."
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"Hi. You're Jess, right? I'm Jenn."
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"Jenn."
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"- Well, I was just leaving... - Jess and I slept together."
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"- Oh, God. - What?"
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"I wanna be honest. It happened two days ago, we did lots of stuff."
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"There was talking, there were hands, we ruined a pillow."
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"He's making it sound more erotic than it was."
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"It was just like lying there and bleurgh."
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"I'm so sorry. I'm begging you to forgive me."
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"- I thought that you loved me. - I'm so sorry."
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"- I'm so sorry. - No."
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"I'm such an idiot."
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"- Bye, Paul. - Wait. Wait, Jenn..."
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"- Haven't you done enough? - Yeah, I have. I have done enough."
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"But I know how you feel."
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"I've been there. I've been cheated on before..."
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"and it feels like someone dropped an anvil on your heart."
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"Um, but that guy wasn't right for me."
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"You guys... You guys are perfect together."
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"I thought you were Asian me, but now I realize I'm just Caucasian you."
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"- What? - What?"
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"Paul was scared. And when you're scared, you do stupid things."
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"- He made a really terrible mistake. - Really terrible."
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"The things we did 48 hours ago were so dark..."
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"Jenn, you love Paul."
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"What you guys have, it's way bigger than me."
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"And I think Paul has something to ask you."
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"This is not the right time to do this."
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"In fact, this is a terrible time to do this, but I don't care."
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"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Jennifer Ruth Toyoji."
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"- I know that now. - Now that you slept with her?"
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"- Happy to help. Uh-huh."
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"If you still love me at all..."
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"Of course I still do."
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"Oh, yeah."
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"Um..."
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"- Will you...? Will you marry him? - Yeah."
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"- Is that a yes? - Yes."
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"You and Cece are staying away from each other?"
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"Only until my penis stops looking like a knotted wizard's staff."
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