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Clips from Farzar - St. Pudchuggers Day (S01E01)

"Why did you ruin my relationships?"
Farzar
"Because those guys weren't good enough for you."
Farzar
"And they were annoying as shit, but look, I wasn't trying to hurt you."
Farzar
"Oh, bull dookie."
Farzar
"You're just jealous of anything I love besides you."
Farzar
"That's not true."
Farzar
"[meowing]"
Farzar
"[cat snarls]"
Farzar
"I guess since it's over between me and Val,"
Farzar
"I'll get you guys removed and put back on ice first thing tomorrow."
Farzar
"What if we don't want to go back on ice? What if we want to put you on ice?"
Farzar
"That sounds like something a criminal would say."
Farzar
"Wait a minute!"
Farzar
"Yeah, see."
Farzar
"Ah, you're all criminals!"
Farzar
"Why do you think your dad executed us?"
Farzar
"Now it's time to take you out."
Farzar
"Wait, you've always said you wanted to get revenge on the Czar."
Farzar
"We need the prince alive to get to Renzo."
Farzar
"[Fichael gasps]"
Farzar
"[narrator] Mal felt bad about screwing over her sister,"
Farzar
"so she went to fix things with the dork who had pissed her… off."
Farzar
"Goddamn it, I was doing so well!"
Farzar
"[head] Okay, we'll keep this dummy around long enough to get our revenge,"
Farzar
"then we'll kill the prince."
Farzar
"[chuckles] Change of plans."
Farzar
"Wait a second, if we're going on a crime spree, I wanna rob a bank."
Farzar
"I want to burn down a building."
Farzar
"And I want to flash nuns in the park. [chuckles]"
Farzar
"Okay, we can rob a bank, burn down a building, flash nuns,"
Farzar
"then kill Renzo, and then take out the prince."
Farzar
"Anything else you heads wanna do?"
Farzar
"I say we seize a fetching, young damsel and tie her to a railroad track."
Farzar
"[laughs evilly]"
Farzar
"How fucking long have you been frozen?"
Farzar
"[ominous music plays]"
Farzar
"Can you believe what that chaos-celot monster did to Zarno S-9000? [sniffles]"
Farzar
"We must do somethings before Zobo do same thing to this planet."
Farzar
"[gasps] I've got it!"
Farzar
"We'll trap him in my kill cube."
Farzar
"Kill cube? But Billy no want hurt Zobo."
Farzar
"Oh, did I say kill cube?"
Farzar
"I meant chill cube."
Farzar
"It'll just trap him, and he'll chill happily ever after."
Farzar
"Oh, sound nice, big guy."
Farzar
"We need to lure Zobo out of dome"
Farzar
"so we can catch him in chill cube."
Farzar
"I'll handle this."
Farzar
"I'm in an improv troupe called Spon-zaneous."
Farzar
"Is this Zobo?"
Farzar
"[clears throat] Yes."
Farzar
"Yes, this is…"
Farzar
"Sand. Ceiling."
Farzar
"Bazarack. Shit!"
Farzar
"I see your judgy face."
Farzar
"-I'd like to see you do better. -[Southern accent] Hey there, good buddy."
Farzar
"Cletus here with Hodge Brothers Wrecking and Towing."
Farzar
"We have towed and impounded your space vehicle."
Farzar
"And you better come on out of the dome and claim it"
Farzar
"before you start racking up a storage fee."
Farzar
"[chuckling] You don't want to do that. Trust me, buddy."
Farzar
"-All right. I'll see you soon. -[phone beeps]"
Farzar
"Wow, if you were any worse at improv, you'd be one of those…"
Farzar
"Fuck you, Billy!"
Farzar
"I've got you now, you little shit."
Farzar
"[low voice] Billy? You tricked me?"
Farzar
"Billy… Billy have no choice. Zobo dangerous."
Farzar
"Damn right."
Farzar
"That's why I put you in my kill cube!"
Farzar
"[laughs]"
Farzar
"Kill cube? You promised not to hurt Zobo."
Farzar
"Well, I guess I'm just a pretty little liar!"
Farzar
"When that countdown hits zero,"
Farzar
"he'll be ripped apart by drills, saws, swords,"
Farzar
"and over 100 other dangerous and sharp things."
Farzar
"See? Says it right here on the website."
Farzar
"You tell Billy that chill cube."
Farzar
"If I had a chill cube, I'd be in it."
Farzar
"It sounds incredible."
Farzar
"Billy not let Zobo die."
Farzar
"You guys are fucking crazy, man. I gotta get to Hodge Brothers Towing."
Farzar
"Billy, my very best friend. Grab my hand."
Farzar
"Billy not want to die in overkill cube."
Farzar
"Overkill cube?"
Farzar
"You think 163 dangerous and sharp things is overkill?"
Farzar
"Well, I guess you get to die, you Noah's Ark-looking…"
Farzar
"I know we did it!"
Farzar
"[upbeat music playing]"
Farzar
"How may I help you?"
Farzar
"[overlapping chatter]"
Farzar
"Cucumber!"
Farzar
"You'd like to make a deposit?"
Farzar
"Sorry! I'll pay you back some way."
Farzar
"Hey, lady."
Farzar
"Oh God! Ah!"
Farzar
"Wait, what am I looking at?"
Farzar
"Oh, man, it's too bad nobody saved our dicks."
Farzar
"Oh, I did."
Farzar
"Yeah, that crime spree was fun."
Farzar
"Now it's time to take out the Czar."
Farzar
"Time to scan your peepers, Prince."
Farzar
"I'm no dummy. I'm just gonna keep my eyes shut."
Farzar
"Hey, look. Stuff you like."
Farzar
"Where?"
Farzar
"Oh, crap!"
Farzar
"[narrator] With the actors unworthy and his sex clone deceased,"
Farzar
"Renzo's bottom was about to be fed a rubber fist feast."
Farzar
"Whose ass is this going up, Flammy? Mine or yours?"
Farzar
"Time for payback, Czar."
Farzar
"Pass me the gun."
Farzar
"How dare you ball of heads interrupt my night of Pudchugger passion with my wife?"
Farzar
"Shoot me. Shoot me now."
Farzar
"Just roll into me and knock me out the window."
Farzar
"Oh no, they pushed me out the window!"
Farzar
"All right. Now to take care of the prince."
Farzar
"Get your filthy heads off him."
Farzar
"[gasps]"
Farzar
"I'm gonna give you one chance to plead for your pathetic fucking lives."
Farzar
"[overlapping chatter]"
Farzar
"[chuckles] Oh, man, I like that bit."
Farzar
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