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Clips from Farzar - St. Pudchuggers Day (S01E01)

"[narrator] Love is in the air all over Farzar this day."
Farzar
"Everyone hugs their sweetie. Everyone smooches their bae."
Farzar
"Whispers of sweet nothings make hearts flutter away,"
Farzar
"for it's the most romantic time of year,"
Farzar
"St. Pudchugger's Day."
Farzar
"It's February 13th! Oh!"
Farzar
"I just love St. Pudchugger's Day."
Farzar
"Renzo, dear, here's our itinerary for our romantic night."
Farzar
"Let's see."
Farzar
""Eight o'clock, cuddling. 8:15, gentle kisses.""
Farzar
""8:30, stick a can of crescent rolls in my ass and pop it with a spoon.""
Farzar
"It will be a royal, raw fuck fest!"
Farzar
"[trilling]"
Farzar
"Good, there's more."
Farzar
""9:30, ill-tempered raccoons eat hot garbage out of my butt crack.""
Farzar
"No notes. "9:55, squash my nuts in a waffle iron.""
Farzar
"Yada, yada, "Giant zucchini.""
Farzar
"I do see one problem. You scheduled a 10:30 bathroom break."
Farzar
"Who needs a commode when you can dump that hot ass chili right on my chest?"
Farzar
"You really do love me."
Farzar
"I wouldn't miss this painful, degrading, sex-filled night with you for anything."
Farzar
"Just got to take care of some business first."
Farzar
"[ominous music playing]"
Farzar
"[hissing]"
Farzar
"[playing "Do Your Ears Hang Low?"]"
Farzar
"[locks clanking]"
Farzar
"Happy Pudchugger's Day, sex clone."
Farzar
"It's once again time to pretend to be me and bang my wife so I don't have to."
Farzar
"Tell me again why having marathon nightmare sex"
Farzar
"once a year with an old lady saves the universe?"
Farzar
"We go through this every year. It involves dark matter or some shit."
Farzar
"-I don't have time to explain. -Well, good enough for me."
Farzar
"Better get to it then."
Farzar
"Why the hell did I put a chandelier in here?"
Farzar
"Goddamn my elegant taste."
Farzar
"[adventurous music playing]"
Farzar
"♪ Farzar ♪"
Farzar
"I want to ask Val on a date for Pudchugger's Day,"
Farzar
"but I'm worried I'm gonna make a fool of myself."
Farzar
"The first thing you need to do is stop deep-throating hot dogs."
Farzar
"I stress eat."
Farzar
"Ready for some chaos?"
Farzar
"Why is that mustard brown?"
Farzar
"Wait, this isn't mustard."
Farzar
"This is mushed turd!"
Farzar
"God, who sells this?"
Farzar
"Trader Joe's. You know white people will buy anything."
Farzar
"[gagging]"
Farzar
"[screaming]"
Farzar
"[items clattering]"
Farzar
"[toilet flushes]"
Farzar
"Who did this to me?"
Farzar
"[grunting]"
Farzar
"Not cool, Billy."
Farzar
"I can't ask out Val like this."
Farzar
"It not Billy. It was Zobo. He is chaos-celot."
Farzar
"Zobo."
Farzar
"Zobo is a cute little baby who can't even speak,"
Farzar
"and it would take someone intelligent, like you, Billy,"
Farzar
"to plan an elaborate shit-in-a-mustard-bottle prank."
Farzar
"I'm afraid I have no choice but to give you the ultimate punishment."
Farzar
"Billy don't deserve the rubber band of shame, hey."
Farzar
"Billy must prove Zobo chaos-celot."
Farzar
"Just get this toilet off me before Val--"
Farzar
"-Before Val what? -[Fichael] Oh."
Farzar
"Val, Fichael has something he wants to ask you."
Farzar
"No, I don't!"
Farzar
"Don't be shy. What is it?"
Farzar
"Uh, will you be my Pudchugger?"
Farzar
"Aw, he shit on his card before I could."
Farzar
"Oh, of course I'll be your Pudchugger."
Farzar
"What? How low is your self-esteem?"
Farzar
"Oh, very. I had a romantic dream just like this."
Farzar
"I had the same dream. Did yours end with me killing you both?"
Farzar
"[narrator] Barry's weird comments make him seem insane."
Farzar
"All those nervous breakdowns must have damaged his brain."
Farzar
"Is anyone else hearing that voice?"
Farzar
"[laughing]"
Farzar
"I colored his nose blue, but a clown's nose is red."
Farzar
"Uh…"
Farzar
"So who wipes the butt and who sniffs the toilet paper?"
Farzar
"Sometimes I like to cut the eyes out of pictures of women in magazines."
Farzar
"Wow. You're so artistic. [chuckles]"
Farzar
"Kiss me."
Farzar
"Oh, okay."
Farzar
"Doing everything wrong, but it's working. How's your guy doing?"
Farzar
"Uh, better than usual."
Farzar
"Billy need evidence to prove Zobo chaos-celot,"
Farzar
"and you only ones who know secret."
Farzar
"I have two questions."
Farzar
"What are you?"
Farzar
"And what the fuck are you?"
Farzar
"Uh, me Billy. Hey."
Farzar
"I need bony, yellow woman help to prove Zobo is chaos-celot."
Farzar
"And why would I help you, you Noah's Ark-looking asshole?"
Farzar
"We did that one already? We're already running out of these?"
Farzar
"Oh, boy. This is gonna be a long season."
Farzar
"Billy understand."
Farzar
"You clearly too important for Billy, hey."
Farzar
"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wait a second. You think I'm important?"
Farzar
"Well, cop a squat, friend. What else do you like about me?"
Farzar
"Uh, pointy crotch."
Farzar
"See? I told you these crotch spikes were a great idea."
Farzar
"I don't care that I caught lockjaw trying to piss. I don't."
Farzar
"Now, about your chaos-celot,"
Farzar
"I found him in his crash-landed ship in the desert regions."
Farzar
"I'll bet that ship holds the evidence you need."
Farzar
"You can take Billy there maybe?"
Farzar
"Of course, but first, since we're best friends,"
Farzar
"I want to show you my room. [giggles]"
Farzar
"I've never had a best friend in my room before."
Farzar
"Let's play Farzar. I'll be Renzo and you be me."
Farzar
""Hey, Bazarack, you've got skinny legs and everybody hates you.""
Farzar
"[Bazarack's voice] "I'm Bazarack.""
Farzar
"I'm gonna take over your city and make you kneel before my fierce eyebrows.""
Farzar
"Holy shit, you suck at impressions."
Farzar
"Barry, I need some help."
Farzar
"-Can I show you my new invention first? -Nope."
Farzar
"-Yes. -It's a say-yes-a-tron."
Farzar
"Now, no one will turn me down for a date ever again."
Farzar
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