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Clips from M*A*S*H - Major Fred C. Dobbs (S01E01)

"— Suture. — Suture."
M*A*S*H
"You missed a fragment!"
M*A*S*H
"Why don‘t you find yourself another war, Frank?"
M*A*S*H
"— Forceps. — Forceps."
M*A*S*H
"Thanks."
M*A*S*H
"Did you know Frank was stolen by Gypsies as a little boy?"
M*A*S*H
"After one day with Frank, the bears attacked the Gypsies."
M*A*S*H
"McIntyre and Pierce, that‘s what happened. And for the last time!"
M*A*S*H
"|don‘t care which MASH unit you send me to,"
M*A*S*H
"Look, I can‘t transferyou with your arm looking like that."
M*A*S*H
"You have no idea what it‘s been like living with those two perverts."
M*A*S*H
"They‘re not?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, I certainly didn‘t bring last night on myself."
M*A*S*H
"|fyou‘re looking for the gold rush,"
M*A*S*H
"Come out ofthe sun, Radar. Your brain is getting a tan."
M*A*S*H
"It so happens Korea is the fifth—largest gold producer in the world."
M*A*S*H
"Take a look at these."
M*A*S*H
"Frank!"
M*A*S*H
"Flowers?"
M*A*S*H
"You‘re serious, Frank. You‘re leaving."
M*A*S*H
"— Foryou. — Oh, how sweet."
M*A*S*H
"And we all know what kind ofa man that is, don‘t we?"
M*A*S*H
"You can‘t come to dinner tonight?"
M*A*S*H
"But, Frank, why? Have I done something to displease you?"
M*A*S*H
"— Oh, no, Margaret, no, no. — Is it something I haven‘t done?"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s not forever, Margaret. There‘ll be other wars."
M*A*S*H
"|fyou need a reason to drink, you shouldn‘t."
M*A*S*H
"— It‘s chilly in here too. — Mmm."
M*A*S*H
"Laugh now, but when this war is over, I‘ll go back to my country club..."
M*A*S*H
"The typical love/hate complex."
M*A*S*H
"He‘s beginning to soften."
M*A*S*H
"just Plain MacArthur."
M*A*S*H
"Frank, you‘re crushing my ‘mums."
M*A*S*H
"Was that—— That‘s—— That‘s——"
M*A*S*H
"—You‘|l regret this as long as you live! —I already do."
M*A*S*H
"[Margaret] Maybe we could arrange to get leaves at the same time."
M*A*S*H
"To think that the army, of all things, brought us together."
M*A*S*H
"Really? We got over 50 orders ifwe can turn it into an album."
M*A*S*H
"till he replaces Maj. Burns and Maj. Houlihan,"
M*A*S*H
"which the way things go in the army, could be about 10:00 next summer."
M*A*S*H
"I was too busy going too far."
M*A*S*H
"I still don‘t know what we‘re going to do about Frank Burns."
M*A*S*H
"are greed, fear and greed."
M*A*S*H
"— So? — Frank Burns is crazy about money."
M*A*S*H
"He married for money. He became a doctor for money."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, Radar. He‘s got the LO. ofa house plant."
M*A*S*H
"Imagine keeping your hand in a bunch ofwet mouths all day."
M*A*S*H
"— That looks like a gold fllling. — Perfect."
M*A*S*H
"—Shh.You‘|l wake him. —How much gold you think we got tonight?"
M*A*S*H
"— You spilled some. -Shh, shh, shh."
M*A*S*H
"Why‘d you pick such an awful, rocky place for a walk?"
M*A*S*H
"Okay, Mom."
M*A*S*H
"|f| dig one foot deeper, I‘ll be A.W.O.L."
M*A*S*H
"— [Knocking] — Col Blake, I’ve——"
M*A*S*H
"What happened to you?"
M*A*S*H
"Well, Margaret, I can‘t leave now. Something‘s... come up."
M*A*S*H
"Who is who?"
M*A*S*H
"You‘re seeing another woman."
M*A*S*H
"Are you crazy? I‘m a happily married man."
M*A*S*H
"— What? — Gold, Margaret."
M*A*S*H
"—You did some good work in there, Frank. —You really did."
M*A*S*H
"Hmph!"
M*A*S*H
"Well, sometimes ajoke can get way beyond an apology."
M*A*S*H
"— Pierce, let him go! — Major, don‘t."
M*A*S*H
"You let him go!"
M*A*S*H
"You mean this isn‘t a nurse?"
M*A*S*H
"—C|amp. —C|amp."
M*A*S*H
"— Scissors. — Scissors."
M*A*S*H
"— Can‘t you work any faster, Frank? — Haste makes waste."
M*A*S*H
"— Never at a loss for a cliche, are we? — Is everything all right here?"
M*A*S*H
"It will be as soon as Frank stops sewing his fingers together."
M*A*S*H
"Why didn‘t you give me suction so| could see it?"
M*A*S*H
"You didn‘t ask for any, Doctor."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re useless! The help around here is impossible."
M*A*S*H
"There‘s your fragment."
M*A*S*H
"I can think of better ways to spend the morning."
M*A*S*H
"Back home I could be giving some nice blue—haired lady a hysterectomy."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, you‘re punchy."
M*A*S*H
"The natural result ofpulling bits of hardware out ofteenage bellies."
M*A*S*H
"This place is driving me out of my already demented mind."
M*A*S*H
"Hey! Ginger! Ginger!"
M*A*S*H
"Police found him, brought him back to his parents. They refused delivery."
M*A*S*H
"So the police brought him back to the Gypsies. They didn‘t want him either."
M*A*S*H
"Thanks, Hawkeye."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s about time for Frank to be taking his post—surgery nap now, isn‘t it?"
M*A*S*H
"Henry, that tooth‘s really bad. Hold this back with your tongue."
M*A*S*H
"I know I‘ve asked for a transfer before, but this time I mean it."
M*A*S*H
"I want out! Ow!"
M*A*S*H
"Uh, Frank, willyoujust calm down?"
M*A*S*H
"There‘s nothing wrong with my arm. And you‘re not gonna change my mind."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ve had those two up to here."
M*A*S*H
"You better cut that thing off before you hurt yourself."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, they‘re not really so——"
M*A*S*H
"[Frank] They nailed five cars on top ofeach other."
M*A*S*H
"/ was sleeping I 2 feet offrhe floor."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s a good thing you don‘t walk in your sleep."
M*A*S*H
"|don‘t think it‘s funny at all."
M*A*S*H
"Ofcourse not."
M*A*S*H
"Nor is it humorous to wake up with hamburger stuffed in your ears."
M*A*S*H
"[ Henry] Hamburgersruffed in your ears?"
M*A*S*H
"[Frank] Do you know what it’s like being awakened b y a wet nose?"
M*A*S*H
"Frank,just leave my married life out ofthis."
M*A*S*H
"— Watch it before I swallow your watch. — Sorry, sir."
M*A*S*H
"[Henry] L ast night?"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s not too hot, is it? We don‘t wanna wake him up."
M*A*S*H
"Just right."
M*A*S*H
"You sure this is gonna work?"
M*A*S*H
"As sure as Niagara Falls."
M*A*S*H
"This is terrible. |——"
M*A*S*H
"Oh! You guys!"
M*A*S*H
"— Okay, Frank, you‘ll get your transfer. — Thankyou."
M*A*S*H
"You know, Frank,"
M*A*S*H
"as rough as it‘s been sometimes, |think|‘|l miss you."
M*A*S*H
"It might not have come to this..."
M*A*S*H
"ifyou‘d had the backbone to maintain discipline around here."
M*A*S*H
"Well, so much for missing you."
M*A*S*H
"No, he lets you sit on his pony while he takes your picture."
M*A*S*H
"take a left and go down the road about i 00 years."
M*A*S*H
"I‘m not kidding. I looked it up."
M*A*S*H
"And the first—largest producer of Koreans."
M*A*S*H
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