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Clips from Eastbound & Down - Chapter 1 (S01E01)

"If anybody wants to pick on anybody in class, aim for him..."
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"Sorry. Nothing."
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"When I do you from behind?"
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"What's up?"
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"- What's going on? - Wayne's on his Jet Ski."
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"This Jet Ski ain't a goddamn toy!"
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"That just seems like I'm spending too much money for nothing."
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"Kind of sad."
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"April Buchanon, she works at the..."
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"She's engaged to the fucking principal."
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"You have fucking pissed me off..."
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"Oh, man, I'll burn you some shit, just the choice nugs."
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"Yeah. But, hey, this one is done too."
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"I'm fucking burning up, back here."
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"Personally, I hate it when new memories get in the way of old ones. I know."
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"...he was taking too many of the pain pills the doctors gave him."
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"So please leave a key under the mat, I love y'all very much."
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"I'm just playing. I didn't come in my pants."
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"Kenny Powers is an athlete."
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"But the most he is..."
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"- Peace out! - Where you going?"
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"I know you."
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"...will hold an organizational meeting after school."
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"Besides, man, that can help your family, it can help pay for bills."
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"...accepting the position of PE coach..."
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"- Fuck this guy. - This guy, hilarious."
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"Is this thing on?"
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"And that's fucking sad, man."
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"I'm talking about me."
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"- Yeah. - It's like two big old fucking poppers..."
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"You know, you got this moment in time here..."
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"Hello, school, can you hear me? They can hear me?"
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"I hurt my nose."
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"My dad said you ruined baseball."
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"All right, everybody, show's over."
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"- Ms. Buchanon? - Yes, honey."
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"- What is that? - It's Kenny."
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"Oh, I lead the whole marching band."
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"We met... We went to high school together."
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"Because I know."
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"...you wanted to come to this team full-time."
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"I said, I don't want a... I don't want a smoothie."
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"...you could get any woman. Have you ever paid for sex?""
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"Maybe it's time I remind everybody just who the fuck Kenny Powers is!"
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"...she's getting married to some smoothie-eating fairy."
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"So, Kenny, how do you feel about playing for New York?"
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"Kenny Powers is now a free agent."
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"I thought the blacks in Baltimore were bad."
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"Okay. I think we're gonna tone down the language. Right?"
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"Get me paid, bitch."
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"I mean, I don't remember you having this one."
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"Well, it ain't like that."
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"Gatorade is still trying to get a piece. The IRS up in my shit."
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"I don't know if you've met everybody yet, or not."
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"...but can't we just kill him instead?"
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"You wanna know about relationships?"
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"Yeah, she was a stripper. If Montel Williams was..."
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"I think that's Mr. Powers."
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"...teachers, faculty members, lunch ladies, janitors."
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"...professional baseball player."
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"Okay. Maybe we should..."
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"Kenny Powers has done it. Atlanta wins the series! Listen to this crowd!"
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"The coaches and owners not giving me the shit I need to win."
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"I said I'm not on steroids!"
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"Do you recognize my essence?"
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"- That feels familiar, huh? - It's nice to see you too."
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"- We went to high school together. - We used to date."
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"It's a little too early to tell, but looks like the sparks are still flying."
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"It is a true pleasure to meet you. I'm just a huge fan."
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"Coach Booth says after back surgery, he has to go to rehab."
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"...you were just normal. And then a dude asked you out."
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"- I really hope for you someday... - Goddamn it."
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"- Kenny! - Instantly I regret saying that."
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"I just have a very hard time expressing my emotions..."
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"Go! Get!"
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"Wake the neighborhood up tonight, huh?"
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"...it's a distraction. And right now, Kenny Powers does not need that."
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"...is a goddamn champion."
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"A lot of you motherfuckers think you know who Kenny Powers is."
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"There comes a time in every man's life when he's got..."
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"No, man. Come on, motherfucker. Come on, fucking fastball."
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"And a true champion, face to face with his darkest hour..."
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"Welcome to the Shelby County school system and your new, exciting career as..."
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"Hey, you're never gonna believe who's sitting in front of me."
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"Oh, that's not funny."
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"Hop off there, Blond Ambition Tour!"
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"I feel that America is the best country..."
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"...it's sort of magical."
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"So let's get the teaching on!"
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"Just give me a little breathing room here."
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"How long is that gonna be?"
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"- That's not what I'm saying at all. - Fuck, man. I'm a bullet-proof tiger, dude."
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"...and Atlanta's gone to their bullpen..."
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"Think that's funny?"
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"...just wondering how long it's gonna be till you..."
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"...here at Jefferson Davis Middle School."
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"So, Kenny, how are you enjoying working here at Jefferson Davis?"
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"And there's a long fly ball. It is way back there."
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"A little wet in my pussy."
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"Hell, no, Tracy. Get out, get out. Get the fuck out of here."
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"- Yes, it is. - Know what would happen..."
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"And it's actually kind of cool. You can negotiate practically anything."
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"Well, it is a tanning bed, you know? So..."
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"- Kenny, you cannot talk to my son that way! - Get out of here."
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"...you know, touring with Widespread all across the USA."
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"No, for your information, I have full-sized balls."
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"You know, I think he's a real sicko, Mrs. Brady."
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"I don't mean to break up the good time here, but I just saw two boys raping a sixth grader."
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"...with an American icon, you gonna waste it asking a question about the fucking mile?"
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"Finally, motherfucker."
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"Undaunted, I knew the game was mine to win."
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"Well, I've come to that crossroads and I have decided..."
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"If you could focus on keeping your area clean..."
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"Cassie, can I ask you a question? Hypothetical."
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"No shit. Yeah, it's him."
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"...and in a few years you'll have tenure."
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"Atlanta, you're fucking out."
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"I need to take a job just so the government can garnish my fucking wages, man."
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"And I got something I wanna say."
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"A true champion faces his enemies and he conquers them."
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