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Clips from Eastbound & Down - Chapter 1 (S01E01)

"It's me. Your brother."
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"You see that Jet Ski?"
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"The Junior Hog Farm Committee..."
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"This is Kenny Powers..."
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"...Kenny Powers is a man."
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"And that is why I'm here today to tell you all..."
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"It's still first period."
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"You're fucking out!"
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"I'm sick and tired of carrying all the weight."
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"Any comments on the steroid allegations?"
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"So that's a lot of mail to go through. But, yeah, I mean, yeah, I think I did."
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"- Yeah? Yeah. - Okay."
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"I think I'm gonna need to change my pants."
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"- ...where we just play with each other... - Kenny Powers in my school?"
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"You know April?"
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"- Well... - That is so cool!"
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"Oh, okay. Yeah, I hurt myself."
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"Your cell phone blows."
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"Okay, well, let's pretend that you weren't preggers..."
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"No! No, off! Get down!"
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"And Cassie, do not stare at me with those dead eyes, you Church bitch..."
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"...and I can't stop from yelling!"
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"Now get the fuck out. Go!"
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"...to talk shit some more, he can go fuck himself because those charges were dropped."
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"No, I can't kill him..."
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"...but I can lay his ass out."
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"- What the hell are you doing? - Hey, Dustin. Look at me. I'm a fucking icon!"
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"Sorry life here ain't the glitz and glamour you're used to..."
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"- Bullshit. - Bullshit nothing, man. That Jet Ski is a toy..."
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"Well, I'm here today to tell ya'll you don't know shit."
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"...I mean the thing that Kenny Powers is the most..."
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"...will do whatever it takes to rise above."
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"Two balls, no strikes. A runner at third, one out in the eighth."
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"...a substitute teacher."
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"- That's... - You're hilarious!"
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"Oh, we... We already know each other too."
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"You know, when one heart connects with another heart..."
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"Get your ass down right now!"
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"...and all the other countries aren't as good. That used to be called patriotism."
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"Fucking burning this motherfucking house down."
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"...but you can't just run around acting like a baby."
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"Excuse me, students, for this morning announcement."
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"- I'm out! - Okay."
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"...and called on the rookie, Kenny Powers."
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"Superstar!"
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"Just give me some walking around money, then I'll be fine. Okay?"
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"Well, you know all about that."
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"I forget to tell you. I'm... I'm engaged now."
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"If everyone in this town has forgotten who I am, it's time I remind them."
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"I was handed the keys to the kingdom."
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"But turns out they're nothing compared to these fags you got in San Francisco."
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"...how to tie their shoes!"
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"Well..."
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"When you did steroids, did it make your balls shrink?"
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"That is until the majors call me back up."
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"...you never agreed to pay for, it goes by without argument."
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"...attached to a fucking sellout, dude."
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"MacWorthy awaits."
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"...if he dry accelerated this Jet Ski on land? He would have ruined it."
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"That's one way to say it, yeah."
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"- You're fucking up my siding. - Man, fuck your siding."
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"- Old blondie over here. - We got three."
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"- God. - I'll get up in it."
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"It's crazy just, like, being out in the real working world..."
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"Absolutely untested, and he's run the count full..."
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"Named after Miss Kate Winslet in the movie Titanic."
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"...after all this time..."
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"Hey, Cassie."
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"And sometimes, even just do stuff in the moment..."
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"You boys ever tag team anybody, beat up any kids in your neighborhood?"
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"Selling it. I'm selling the Jet Ski."
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"He's got doo-doo and chocolate over his hands, ruining my handlebars."
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"I don't know much about those guys. I never got into them much."
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"I mean, he drew a pentagram made of penises."
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"How about I show you my balls and you can tell me if they shrunk?"
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"- And that is why I don't drink. - That's why I love you."
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"Who's next? Who's got something else for me here? You."
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"Powers, step into my office. Let's do some blow."
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"I'm okay. I'm okay."
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"Stevie Janowski."
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"...to take a look at himself in the mirror and decide just exactly who he is."
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"It's awesome."
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"- ...I'd appreciate that. - Okay, no problem."
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"Kenny Fucking Powers."
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"...and sometimes you kind of have to dump the small ones..."
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"I'm talking health insurance, 401..."
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"- To me. - Yeah."
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"You're fucking out!"
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"All right, let me get this straight. I'm gonna pay for a blow job..."
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"Sure, I've been called a xenophobe. But the truth is, I'm not."
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"- Oh, here you go. - Thanks."
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"Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I get a shit ton of fan mail."
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"And Powers kicks his glove."
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"And my ass ain't no pussy."
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"...you get lost in the storm."
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"You're fucking out!"
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"Now he's ready. Three-two pitch. Struck him out!"
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"You certainly are."
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"I'm the man who has the ball."
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"So that is why I am better than everyone in the world."
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"- The one you sent three years ago? - Three years?"
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"April."
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"I recognize your scent."
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"I'm not."
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"Everyone wanted a piece of my shit."
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"- You wanna know how long? - Yeah."
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"So thanks for letting me crash here. Appreciate it."
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"Really. We're brothers. You want me to give you a date?"
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"You gotta be shitting me."
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"Kenny, we was wondering, speaking of which..."
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"No, huh? Okay."
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"You've reached the end of Cassette Number 3."
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"Well, that's good for you."
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"You used to date?"
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"...so doing a lot of running, and cycling, swimming."
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"Well, any baseball fan has gotta love this."
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"We're engaged."
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"You know what? I can already tell that I don't like you."
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"Now, at this time I'd like to field any questions anybody has."
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"- You. Big kid. - Do we have to run the mile?"
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