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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - The Acupuncturist (S02E02)

"Forgive me for sounding a little cynical, but I've heard that before."
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"I've been to doctors and chiropractors and healers..."
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"and it's been in my family for several hundred years."
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"I absolutely guarantee total recovery."
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"- If I treat you and you recover? - Yep."
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"- Thank you. - Thanks."
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"- How long you been doing this? - It's been a while."
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"Quarter-pound of swiss and a half-pound of turkey."
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"Do you ever hear from any of those guys at Saturday Night Live?"
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"You know, sometimes you run into somebody, you know?"
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"- Good. - Yeah?"
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"- You remember my dad? - Yeah."
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"Yeah, he's doing this, like..."
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"- I covered my mouth. - Yeah, sure."
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"Yeah, so, my dad is just doing this, he's basically dying is what's happening."
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"And he had a triple bypass, a quadruple bypass."
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"And he's left me the money in his will."
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"Not a penny, until, like, he's actually dead."
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"as his last memories of him, you know?"
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"- So I can- - Yeah, of course."
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"- You gave $5,000 to the acupuncturist? - Yeah."
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"And $5,000 to that asshole, Barry Weiner?"
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"Maybe I'm just nice."
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"Cheryl, somebody sent me flowers."
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"Are those from your mistress and you haven't told me?"
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"This is really bizarre."
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"- Who would send you flowers? - I don't know."
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"I don't know."
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"So, you know, working in the deli, it was just..."
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"Did you even know, did you know he was working there?"
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"So, what do you think of this whole orchid thing?"
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"I think it's some sort of Japanese gay thing."
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"Doctor, or a..."
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"- It's been a few days. - This is my manager, Jeff Greene."
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"If you don't like this, you should come by on Naked Tuesdays."
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"- it is sensational. - Larry, that's why we came."
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"- Honey? - What?"
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"- Where's Jeff? - I don't know."
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"I don't know, he asked me if he could pick us up."
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"- There he is. - There he is. Okay, let's get going."
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"- Hi. Thank you. - Look how pretty you look."
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"What are you doing? What took you so long?"
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"Room service was late with my food. What do you want?"
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"- You're not wearing that. - What, why?"
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"- Cheryl. - Hi, Carol."
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"What is that?"
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"'Cause he told me it was your birthday."
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"- I'm so sorry, Carol. - He had to change his outfit."
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"Yeah, great, thanks."
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"He had to eat, you know..."
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"have a big dinner for two hours."
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"Oh, my God, you guys..."
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"Sit down, have a big fucking meal in the hotel."
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"Do you believe them? Do you believe what they did to me?"
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"I mean, 600,000 people."
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"I don't know, I don't care."
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"The Natural Resources Defense Council."
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"If not for the environment, then we're fighting to get money..."
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"- You aren't? - No."
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"And we'll talk about how we can arrange maybe my contributing something?"
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"But we're not just gonna talk about money."
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"- Okay. - I'd like to get to know you."
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"I'd like to get to know you, too."
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"I think I do know what you mean."
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"I mean it very sincerely."
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"- You remember Barry's father? - I sure do. How you doing?"
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"Good to see you."
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"- And chat with Mr. Weiner. - You will be back, though?"
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"No, he can't. But he'll do his best. I'll be right back."
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"Like a professional, someone who's a professional..."
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"a doctor or a dentist or an acupuncturist?"
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"They might take it up the ass for all I know in Japan."
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"Actually, a new show for Julia Louis-Dreyfus."
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"I did okay."
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"because without him it never would have happened."
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"I was working in a dry cleaner. I didn't tell him."
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""I'm gonna give you this money anyway, after I die."
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"- Your father left you money before he died? - Yes, he did."
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"Why should he wait until he's dead to give me the money? It's ridiculous."
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"Listen, put a sock in it."
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"I was there with Jeff last week."
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"Barry Weiner's here."
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"I told him that I worked in a dry cleaner, and my father found out about it..."
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"He thinks that I put you up to it, and now he's cut me out of the will..."
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"But why? When he left last night after the story..."
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"- But you're not at home. - No, but it is Casual Friday, so..."
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"We just come in, do our work. But we dress casually."
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"I don't give a damn if it's half a day a week. I don't like it."
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"- It's very important to me. - We wouldn't treat you casually."
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"- Look, we- - You belong in Dallas, not LA."
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"Yeah, you should be sorry because you just lost my account."
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"If you come back on a Monday or a Tuesday..."
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"You gotta talk to him and tell him I didn't put you up to that."
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"No, I can't do it."
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"Okay, the doctor just wants to know how you're feeling."
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"I was just trying to be helpful."
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"Mr. Weiner, I don't think I should have anymore sake."
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"But I have some news for you. First, a little slice."
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"and just to let you know that your son did not put me up..."
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"And he shouldn't be punished as a result of what I did on..."
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"Hi, Carol. I'm so sorry."
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"A long time ago."
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"- Sure. Hi, Doug. - Hi."
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"- Technically, it was the waiter. - So, you're the one?"
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"- Button man? - Yes, I sell buttons to the cut-up trade."
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"This is a little awkward."
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"I told you you'd get it as soon as he died, and you made it happen."
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"Larry lent Barry $5,000."
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"- You knew he had a heart condition. - I didn't-"
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"- Stop it! - My neck."
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"- I think we can do something about that. - You're a very confident man."
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"What do you mean, another one?"
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"You told her, and she told me, that you said that you were better."
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"I said..."
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"There's a confusion here, a language confusion."
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"Everyone knows about this agreement. My employees, my business."
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"I can endorse it over to you."
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"They were so nice. Thank you for sending them."
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"Ancient Japanese custom."
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"- How are we doing? - All right."
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