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Clips from Farzar - The Adventures of Daddy O'Baggins (S01E01)

"They almost saw us."
Farzar
"I told you crossing the border into Dome City is too dangerous."
Farzar
"We don't have a choice. We can't go on living in the alien slums."
Farzar
"In the Dome, they have the basics we need to survive."
Farzar
"Cable TV, Rotary Clubs, jumbo shrimp, topless maids--"
Farzar
"And medicine to cure my space lupus?"
Farzar
"Sure, if there's time, son."
Farzar
"If there's time."
Farzar
"[man] Stop right there!"
Farzar
"You filthy aliens aren't setting foot in the human city"
Farzar
"unless you get past Laser, Blaze, Cyclone, Havoc, Nitro, Mayhem, Ice, and Malibu!"
Farzar
"Welcome to Extreme Border Patrol!"
Farzar
"Our first event is called Immigrant Assault."
Farzar
"Here to destroy your tired, your poor, your huddled masses,"
Farzar
"is Gemini!"
Farzar
"And they're off!"
Farzar
"Will this family make it or die in poverty?"
Farzar
"Extreme Border Patrol is brought to you by Lean Pockets."
Farzar
"Lean Pockets. Fuck you! What are you gonna do about it?"
Farzar
"Be careful!"
Farzar
"They're just tennis balls."
Farzar
"[laughs]"
Farzar
"What a show! Man, I love PBS."
Farzar
"Geez, Dad. Don't you ever have regrets about your border policies?"
Farzar
"I do. Getting in bed with those animals over at Lean Pockets."
Farzar
"But how else can I prevent illegal border crossings?"
Farzar
"Enact alien immigration!"
Farzar
"I know there are good aliens out there that could really add to our society."
Farzar
"I will never let aliens live in my city!"
Farzar
"Everybody knows I can't stand the sight of those damn dirty, disgusting,"
Farzar
"nasty, slime-covered, fourteen-floppy-titty-having,"
Farzar
"filthy, little aliens."
Farzar
"Ooh, yeah!"
Farzar
"[adventurous music playing]"
Farzar
"♪ Farzar ♪"
Farzar
"Okay, Zobo, you promised Fichael to cut back on the chaos."
Farzar
"This seems about right."
Farzar
"-[Renzo grunts] -Hmm."
Farzar
"-[Renzo grunting] -Hmm."
Farzar
"Hmm."
Farzar
"[grunts]"
Farzar
"Wow, she really knows how to flick a flerngler, huh?"
Farzar
"That was a tongue twister."
Farzar
"Not what I said, the sexual act."
Farzar
"Yeah, flick that flerngler. Wait, who said that?"
Farzar
"What the hell is an alien doing in my boner bunker?"
Farzar
"[screams]"
Farzar
"Don't kill me! Don't kill me!"
Farzar
"Give me one good reason."
Farzar
"Uh, judging by your still-full stiffy,"
Farzar
"it looks like you like Tammy Tentacles, huh?"
Farzar
"I can introduce you to her!"
Farzar
"[purrs]"
Farzar
"You can?"
Farzar
"She's my favorite alien porn star!"
Farzar
"Yeah! I'll take you to her place in the alien slums."
Farzar
"-She'll probably let you kiss her cleebor. -Is that a good thing?"
Farzar
"If you're into cleebors."
Farzar
"I'm more of a… [hacks] …man, myself."
Farzar
"Either way, just remember not to swallow the squart."
Farzar
"-The what? -The squart."
Farzar
"You'll be fine. Come on."
Farzar
"Yes! I can't wait to see her big, juicy… [hacks]"
Farzar
"Uh, you're mispronouncing it."
Farzar
"Motherfucker, I'm having an asthma attack. Get my inhaler!"
Farzar
"[gagging]"
Farzar
"Hello, Miss Tentacles, I'm a big fan."
Farzar
"[screams]"
Farzar
"[dance music playing]"
Farzar
"[Renzo] No! No, no, no!"
Farzar
"[chuckles]"
Farzar
"You have a good time?"
Farzar
"Yeah! I mean, she didn't let me put it in her parlyflop,"
Farzar
"but she did let me stick it between her… [squeals]"
Farzar
"I can't thank you--"
Farzar
"-Congratulations, you're pregnant. -Pregnant? What the fuck?"
Farzar
"I warned you not to swallow the squart."
Farzar
"There were a lot of goddamn liquids coming at me."
Farzar
"How could I know which one was squart?"
Farzar
"I taught you the nursery rhyme."
Farzar
"If it's tart, spit that squart."
Farzar
"If it's frothy, that's also squart!"
Farzar
"People can't find out I got knocked up by a filthy alien."
Farzar
"I've got to get an abortion ASAP."
Farzar
"Why the hell did I shut down Planet Parenthood?"
Farzar
"Curse my irrational need to control women!"
Farzar
"I bet Barry can do an abortion. Look at Billy."
Farzar
"Hey."
Farzar
"But he's in the Dome and I can't just go through the front gates"
Farzar
"as pregnant as a pause in a Harold Pinter play."
Farzar
"Read a book, motherfucker."
Farzar
"If this gets back to Flammy, she'll kill me. This is all your fault!"
Farzar
"Wait! I can help you sneak back into the city!"
Farzar
"Okay. Uh, sorry I tried to kill you."
Farzar
"[coughs]"
Farzar
"-It's okay. Mood swings are expected. -Because I'm pregnant?"
Farzar
"No, because you're an asshole. Zobo got jokes!"
Farzar
"[horn blares]"
Farzar
"I gotta get my son to cover for me"
Farzar
"so I can abort his likely less fucked-up-looking baby brother."
Farzar
"But I'll need an excuse clever enough to convince him."
Farzar
"I got it, Dad."
Farzar
"You need time off to fight a Frankenstein."
Farzar
"It would be my honor to fill in for you."
Farzar
"Don't worry, I'm not gonna get carried away."
Farzar
"[plays fanfare]"
Farzar
"Presenting the wearer of footie pajamas,"
Farzar
"the humper of body pillows,"
Farzar
"the 30-year-old drinker of his mama's breast milk."
Farzar
"I can't believe he wrote this himself."
Farzar
"Czar Fichael!"
Farzar
"Hello loyal, loving subjects!"
Farzar
"[laughs] Kill yourself and fuck your mother!"
Farzar
"You too, Barry!"
Farzar
"Isn't this great? As acting czar, I have the power to do anything I want."
Farzar
"Ooh! What have you done so far?"
Farzar
"I had pizza for breakfast! But not just any pizza."
Farzar
"I found it in a trash can."
Farzar
"Unlimited power!"
Farzar
"Uh, Fichael, is this really how you want to spend your time as czar?"
Farzar
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