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Clips from Saturday Night Live - George Carlin/Billy Preston/Janis Ian (S01E01)

"For instance, where's your son, uh..."
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"- Ronnie. - Ronnie, right now?"
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"Well, Frank? Put the kid on, will ya?"
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"We'll take it! We'll take it!"
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"Okay, let the kid go. I'm glad you decided."
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"Here, if you could sign right here, we'll have the contract drawn up..."
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"In the dawn of civilization,"
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"long before the Bronze Age,"
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"man first began his search for the close shave."
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"Since then, man has been ardently striding to design"
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"the perfect shaving instrument."
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"From the straight razor,"
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"to the safety razor,"
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"and finally the highly acclaimed twinblade cartridge."
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"but 3 stainless, platinum teflex-coated blades"
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"Triple-Trac's triple-threat cartridge,"
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"with more close shaves than ever before."
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"Here's how it works."
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"The first blade grabs at the whisker,"
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"tugging it away from your face to protect it from the second blade."
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"catches and digs into the stubble before"
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"it has the chance to snap back and injure you,"
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"pulling it farther out so that it is now ready for shearing."
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"Triple-Trac's third blade,"
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"cuts cleanly through the whisker at its base,"
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"leaving your face as smooth as a billiard ball."
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"The Triple-Trac."
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"I don't know about you"
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"but I sure could listen to Janis Ian one more time."
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"Just wanna thank you all for having some live fun with us."
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"You at home and everybody here."
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"Janis Ian, Billy Preston,"
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"Albert Brooks, the Muppets,"
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"the Not quite Ready for Prime Time Players"
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"and everyone who took part in this."
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"And I would not be sensible and sane"
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"if I didn't tell ya I got a brand new album this week."
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"rockstarr.tistory.com [email protected]"
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"And this is the time of year when there's both, you know?"
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"they changed it a little bit, they moved the hash marks in."
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"First down in Ohio. Midwest to go!"
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"Football is technological,"
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"Yes, it's "New Dad!""
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"with "Nothing From Nothing!""
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"He said,"
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"I can't help it."
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"As you know, they search you pretty well at the airport."
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"There'll be lots of places later they'll be searching us,"
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"my wife."
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"I don't know how you do it."
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"She's quite a gal."
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"prostitution in the United States."
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"- And? - Yes."
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"This tastes familiar, is this anyone I know?"
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"AWRIGHT."
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"My charming wife Peuta"
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""Hey, I look cool in the store window, man!""
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"In a sweeping majority vote,"
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"Here, I'll show ya,"
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"Let me ask you something..."
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"Mr. Bee!"
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"Yes?"
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"Awwww, it's a worker!"
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"It's true."
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"our experts will show you everything you need to know"
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"Because He's like us, and we're not perfect."
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"Now, some religions, which are not to be confused with God."
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"Thank you."
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"I want to talk you, Mrs. Kromer. My briefcase please, Harvey."
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"Only we offer the crisper crust self detonating fragmentation toaster."
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"Not just two blades in one system,"
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"Blade number two"
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"a finely-honed bonded platinum instrument,"
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"Tablet or liquid."
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"- Yeah? - Maybe, I don't know if you have time..."
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"of diet root beer and go to bed, okay?"
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"Or there's handy"
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"and still has enough energy to give me the attention I need"
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"melded together to form one incredible shaving cartridge,"
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"That's the way we did it with the Indians,"
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"The witness is not on trial here."
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"- ...the wolverines." - ...the wolver-eenes.""
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"baseball has no time limit,"
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"non-habit-forming,"
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"That's "New Dad","
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"Simply "Pip"."
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"I didn't know what it was at first,"
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"That's what all the big ones, all the big religions said,"
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"by Goggles, the baby hippo born in captivity last Wednesday."
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"By just answering this phone call,"
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"but this is extremely important evidence."
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"- It does? - Yes."
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"my companion,"
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"The Emperor presented Mickey with a Hirohito wristwatch."
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"a pockmark on the neck of midtown Manhatten."
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"Hmm."
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"Are you ready?"
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"instead of having Him looking out and watching for traffic,"
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"And wanna thank all the guests, of course."
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