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Clips from Saturday Night Live - George Carlin/Billy Preston/Janis Ian (S01E01)

"Good eveniee."
Saturday Night Live
"Repeat after me."
Saturday Night Live
"- I am afraid... - I em afred..."
Saturday Night Live
"- "let's boil... - "let's boil..."
Saturday Night Live
"Next..."
Saturday Night Live
"So many, man..."
Saturday Night Live
"Football's kinda nice,"
Saturday Night Live
"And I think it already is,"
Saturday Night Live
"we won it little by little."
Saturday Night Live
"Football is played in a stadium,"
Saturday Night Live
"every one of them is the same size,"
Saturday Night Live
"we don't know when it's gonna end!"
Saturday Night Live
"in baseball, the object is to go home!"
Saturday Night Live
"the sacrifice."
Saturday Night Live
"everything you need for the future,"
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"before it's too late."
Saturday Night Live
""New Dad","
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"could you kindly tell the court in your own words"
Saturday Night Live
"Now obviously what he said was too upsetting for her to repeat."
Saturday Night Live
"Objection. Heresay."
Saturday Night Live
"perhaps Ms. Davis might write down"
Saturday Night Live
"And now, here's Andy Kaufman!"
Saturday Night Live
""Where's the good scissors?"
Saturday Night Live
"I can't keep anything nice in this house.""
Saturday Night Live
""Hey, uh, your wastebasket is in the garbage here!""
Saturday Night Live
"and they run you through the model home, and,"
Saturday Night Live
"just how you became a victim of shark bite?"
Saturday Night Live
"It was high tide, and, all of a sudden, I felt this sharp,"
Saturday Night Live
"my left arm felt numb."
Saturday Night Live
"Well, my arm was gone."
Saturday Night Live
"Since then, I've had to learn to do everything with my right hand."
Saturday Night Live
"Excuse me, Mr. Gresner,"
Saturday Night Live
"My leg! He bit my leg off, see?"
Saturday Night Live
"I have to hop around on one foot, I'm an invalid..."
Saturday Night Live
"This is my best friend,"
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"my business partner,"
Saturday Night Live
"makes studded leather vests at our own boutique,"
Saturday Night Live
"My wife."
Saturday Night Live
"President Ford blew his nose."
Saturday Night Live
"The slogan?"
Saturday Night Live
"Murder at the Blaine Hotel again."
Saturday Night Live
"has occurred just over an hour ago."
Saturday Night Live
"when coupled with neuralgia and severe muscular tension."
Saturday Night Live
"Triopenin is gentle,"
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"concerns the birth of a baby sandpiper at the Washington Zoo."
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"resembled its mother quite closely."
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"The name given our fuzzy little friend?"
Saturday Night Live
"One humourous note,"
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"Well, that's news this evening. This is Chevy Chase."
Saturday Night Live
"This land was made for me!"
Saturday Night Live
"Scred, I'm hungry."
Saturday Night Live
"Furious?"
Saturday Night Live
"- Irked! - NO!"
Saturday Night Live
"I get mildly annoyed when I don't have food."
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"Mmmm."
Saturday Night Live
"I said, especially in my condition."
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"I don't know what my problem is."
Saturday Night Live
"I'm having tremendous difficulty releasing my darts."
Saturday Night Live
"Releasing your darts. Urrgh."
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"He's the only one who can relieve my pain."
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"Ow, ow, ow, ow!"
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"Ah, there you are."
Saturday Night Live
"Let go of it, would you?"
Saturday Night Live
"Come here, you. Ohhh."
Saturday Night Live
"TALK TA ME."
Saturday Night Live
"Medical, your grossness."
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"Just two chickens."
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"We are ready, Oh Mighty Favog!"
Saturday Night Live
"You don't know whether to hang on and hope you remember the voice or not."
Saturday Night Live
"Then when you remember who it was, you have to call back,"
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"I can't find blue food,"
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"They say, "Blueberries!" Uh-uh."
Saturday Night Live
"There's no blue food!"
Saturday Night Live
"Where is the blue food?"
Saturday Night Live
"And you have a whole lot,"
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"And the jar you put them in isn't marked."
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"The term Jumbo Shrimp has always amazed me."
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"Damn right I still drive!"
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"- Yeah? - That's right."
Saturday Night Live
"This is indeed an auspicious occasion of the 20th century"
Saturday Night Live
"Oh, well, this says that I'm in charge of casting."
Saturday Night Live
"do you live in this area?"
Saturday Night Live
"All right."
Saturday Night Live
"Uh, I'm staying, uh,"
Saturday Night Live
"at the Inn, you know, out by the airport there."
Saturday Night Live
"Or the man who can eat a thousand eggs."
Saturday Night Live
"you have qualified for a challenging new career"
Saturday Night Live
"You'll explore the telephone, its past, its present,"
Saturday Night Live
"to answer phones professionally."
Saturday Night Live
"Become a stand-by operator! Call now for free booklet!"
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"People people, please please, people people, am I in a zoo?!"
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"The principal is a what?"
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"Is this a French film I'm living in, people?"
Saturday Night Live
"Turquiose and white are a very good combination."
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"Dress shields, dress shields, girls."
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"Okay."
Saturday Night Live
"I've got team captain Debbie here would like to"
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"Okay, so the most important thing we have to do is"
Saturday Night Live
"And listen to me, something really great."
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"Every time I see a picture of God, He has knees and toenails, right?"
Saturday Night Live
"The universe is in balance,"
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"because Jesus has a statue of"
Saturday Night Live
"but I'll describe him for 'ya!""
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"first of all, uh, He knows everything."
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"He knows what I mean."
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""Love yourself, Love your God, Love your neighbor,"
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"And if God is like us, I think perhaps"
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"It would explain why He always has to send an angel as a messenger."
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"Where did He get this great reputation?"
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"It was God's will!"
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"is like a lift in your shoe."
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"fine."
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"This could happen to you at any time, in fact, it just has!"
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"I am the police!"
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"I broke into your home tonight to show you just how vulnerable"
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"I sell a complete range of home and garden security devices."
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"to throw me out of your house."
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"If I think I can?!"
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"You're a pretty hefty guy, Mr. Kromer I ask little lady get prefer"
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"color co-ordinated for fashionable surveillance."
Saturday Night Live
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