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Clips from Saturday Night Live - George Carlin/Billy Preston/Janis Ian (S01E01)

"Holy guacamole."
Saturday Night Live
"Whatcha got on you, Scred?"
Saturday Night Live
"But that's carfare home!"
Saturday Night Live
"Oh Favog, I offer you two chickens. It's all I've got!"
Saturday Night Live
"BUSINESS IS SLOW. I'LL TAKE 'EM."
Saturday Night Live
"Pay him the chickens."
Saturday Night Live
"Oh, okay, but phooey, anyway."
Saturday Night Live
"LAY 'EM ON YOUR GOD!"
Saturday Night Live
"Here they come!"
Saturday Night Live
"STATE YOUR PROBLEM."
Saturday Night Live
"Oh, Mighty Favog!"
Saturday Night Live
"can't release her darts."
Saturday Night Live
"AWRIGHT. YA READY?"
Saturday Night Live
"HERE IS THE ANSWER!"
Saturday Night Live
"Well?"
Saturday Night Live
"CHEER UP. THINGS COULD BE WORSE."
Saturday Night Live
"For that, I paid two chickens?"
Saturday Night Live
"LIKE I SAID, CHEER UP, THINGS COULD BE WORSE."
Saturday Night Live
"YOU COULDA PAID FOUR CHICKENS."
Saturday Night Live
"NEXT!"
Saturday Night Live
"You can't argue with that..."
Saturday Night Live
"Yeah..."
Saturday Night Live
"I'M HERE EVERY DAY!"
Saturday Night Live
"TELL YER FRIENDS!"
Saturday Night Live
"Did you ever"
Saturday Night Live
"dial the phone and forget who you're calling?"
Saturday Night Live
"Don't you feel dumb?"
Saturday Night Live
"so you change your voice so they don't think you're a moron."
Saturday Night Live
"Did you ever"
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"look at yourself in store windows when you're walking past the stores?"
Saturday Night Live
"Have I done these jokes before tonight?"
Saturday Night Live
"Please tell me."
Saturday Night Live
"Why is there no blue food?"
Saturday Night Live
"I can't find the flavor of blue!"
Saturday Night Live
"I mean, green is lime, yellow is lemon, orange is orange, red is cherry."
Saturday Night Live
"What's blue? There's no blue!"
Saturday Night Live
"Blue on the vine, purple on the plate."
Saturday Night Live
"We want the blue food!"
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"Probably it bestows immortality!"
Saturday Night Live
"They're keeping it from us!"
Saturday Night Live
"We have no blue food, please?"
Saturday Night Live
"I'll take my vitamin."
Saturday Night Live
"Do you take vitamins?"
Saturday Night Live
"Did you ever travel with vitamins?"
Saturday Night Live
"Oh, well... if you take a lot of vitamins,"
Saturday Night Live
"and they're not the kind that says "Joe's Vitamins" on the side."
Saturday Night Live
"The plain-looking vitamins."
Saturday Night Live
"and you don't the whole big jumbo thing on the road,"
Saturday Night Live
"you take as many as you need and they're not marked."
Saturday Night Live
"If a policeman really wants to give you a hard time,"
Saturday Night Live
"he can hold you overnight while they check the vitamins."
Saturday Night Live
"That's why I travel with Flintstone vitamins!"
Saturday Night Live
"What is a Jumbo Shrimp?"
Saturday Night Live
"It's like Military Intelligence, the words don't go together, man."
Saturday Night Live
"New York cab driver, temporarily blinded,"
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"still puts in 45 hour week!"
Saturday Night Live
"- Excuse me! - Hm?"
Saturday Night Live
"Sir? Yes, how did this happen to you?"
Saturday Night Live
"Well, I was takin' a fare to one of those movie premieres."
Saturday Night Live
"You know them big spotlights?"
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"- Where they've the lights in the sky? - Yeah."
Saturday Night Live
"I always wondered how they get 'em so bright"
Saturday Night Live
"so I went and stared into it."
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"- Yeah? - Yeah."
Saturday Night Live
"- Stared into the light? - Yeah."
Saturday Night Live
"- For how long? - About a half an hour."
Saturday Night Live
"Yeah?"
Saturday Night Live
"The doctor says it's only temporary, my sight'll probably come back."
Saturday Night Live
"Oh, that's good. And yet you still drive?"
Saturday Night Live
"What should I do? Sit home and collect welfare?"
Saturday Night Live
"I know these streets like the back of my hand."
Saturday Night Live
"Well, congratulations."
Saturday Night Live
"Thank you."
Saturday Night Live
"Fifty-sixth and Madison."
Saturday Night Live
"Gotta go now, pal. Got a fare."
Saturday Night Live
"Okay."
Saturday Night Live
"- Any cars in front of us? - No."
Saturday Night Live
"In an unprecedented move to ease world tensions,"
Saturday Night Live
"the country of Israel and the state of Georgia"
Saturday Night Live
"have agreed to change places."
Saturday Night Live
"The entire state of Georgia,"
Saturday Night Live
"residents, businesses, all forms of commerce"
Saturday Night Live
"will relocate in the Middle East"
Saturday Night Live
"on January 1st, 1977."
Saturday Night Live
"No buildings will be moved."
Saturday Night Live
"It will be an even property exchange."
Saturday Night Live
"and I hope that New Orleans will be easier to deal with than Cairo."
Saturday Night Live
"I know-I know that my entire state is"
Saturday Night Live
"looking forward to heat without humidity."
Saturday Night Live
"this progressive state has decided to"
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"lower the age of consent from 18 to 7."
Saturday Night Live
"Businesses of all types report a surge in activity."
Saturday Night Live
"Actually, uh, I'm-I'm in advertising."
Saturday Night Live
"this is my company here."
Saturday Night Live
"I can't read yet."
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"I cast a lot of people, you know, like yourself."
Saturday Night Live
"Mm hm."
Saturday Night Live
"You have very nice cheekbones."
Saturday Night Live
"Excuse me, sir."
Saturday Night Live
"I'm with "The Impossible Truth","
Saturday Night Live
"- No, I'm from L.A. - Ah! Who's your date?"
Saturday Night Live
"It's just someone I'm talking to here."
Saturday Night Live
"Why don't you just leave us for a little while, huh?"
Saturday Night Live
"Although "The Impossible Truth" airs what it must,"
Saturday Night Live
"some things it airs disgusts it."
Saturday Night Live
"While you are viewing this,"
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""The Impossible Truth" continues to investigate new leads."
Saturday Night Live
"Like the woman who swims 24 hours a day every day of her life."
Saturday Night Live
"Or the genius with an I.Q. of over 240."
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"and now we return to "Bee Hospital.""
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"Yes?"
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"Congratulations! It's a drone!"
Saturday Night Live
"- It's a drone! - It's a drone!"
Saturday Night Live
"- Congratulations! - It's a drone!"
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"Mr. Bee?"
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"Congratulations! It's a drone!"
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"It's a drone! It's a drone!"
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"That's great."
Saturday Night Live
"- Mr. Bee? - Yes?"
Saturday Night Live
"Congratulations! It's a worker!"
Saturday Night Live
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