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Clips from South Park - Chickenlover (S02E02)

"Only by fucking chickens could I get Officer Barbrady to become literate."
South Park
"- That doesn't make a whole lot of sence, dude. - Oh no? He who is blind cannot see."
South Park
"I got Officer Barbrady to read, my plan worked perfectly."
South Park
"You're welcome!"
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"And now my reading friend you've proven that you are ready for the big time."
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"I give you this hardback copy of Atlas Shrugged by Ann Ryand."
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"- Freeze put your hands in the air! - Cartman!"
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"I got the reports that the suspect is in this area."
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"It turns out that the bookmobile driver here was the one making love to chickens."
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"- Ow! That hurts! - Whoa dude! - Cartman!"
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"No, no, that's not how you uphold the law."
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"But he is not listening to my authoritay!"
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"Oh, oh you've got it all wrong my little friend. You do it like this:"
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"I guess you should leave policework to the professionals, huh Cartman?"
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"I've proved that I can read and now I'm back on the job!"
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"Hey! So what are you gonna do now?"
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"Now? Well, I uh..."
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"...I think I'll get in the bathtub and then curl up with a good book."
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"...and his heroic work on the chicken fucking case."
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"Thank you everybody. Thank you!"
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"Speech! Speech!"
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"Oh ok. Well first of all I'd like to thank the town of South Park,"
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"the town that borne me, and eventually will rob me of my life precious."
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"just to teach people to read:"
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"Your days are numbered!!"
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"And finally, I'd like to say that reading totally sucks ass!"
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"Yes at first I was happy to be learning how to read, it seemed exciting and magical."
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"I read every last word of this garbage"
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"and because of this piece of shit, I'm never reading again!"
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"I'm just glad everything turned out OK. And Barbrady got his job back."
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"- It's poetic justice. - Thanks boys!"
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"- Well there you have it, case closed. - Damn it Barbrady, what the hell's wrong with you?"
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"We need a copy of Bumbly Wumbly and the Spotted Space Craft right away!"
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"Get your ass to jail!"
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"We now go live to a press conference"
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"- It says, read Teetle the timid ta...ta.. the taxi.. what's this word? - I don't know."
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"- Whoa dude. What's going on? - I don't know."
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"Oh, it didn't even touch me."
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"- Who, Karla Weathers, or the chicken? - The perpetrator left this clue at the crime scene."
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"Officer Barbrady! What are you doing?"
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"Give him the nourturing environment he needs to thrive."
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"Whoosh goes the willie-wind, flowing through my toes."
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"- Oh how about Stan or Kyle? - Eric why don't you go first?"
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"Now children I hope you all had a good time reading your books"
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"- BZZT! DERRR! Did you hear that Mr.Hat? - I sure did Mr.Garrison! What a retard!"
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"If I may read a passage:"
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"A red dog, on a..."
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"Listen buddy! Either you learn to read quick"
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"You gotta get 'em in the head. They go down quicker."
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"little dog..."
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"- I'm doing the best I can! I even got a A on my book report!"
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"Big dog..."
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"and are prepared for your book reports."
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"Who should we have go first Mr. Hat? Let's see."
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"Go ahead Barbrady, don't be scared."
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"We can work our way up to the hard ones."
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"- You have to learn to read faster Barbrady!"
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"Oh I can't read this, it has silent E's."
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"Swingset, swingset up and down I go!"
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"Now I'm going to write a sentence and I want us all to help Officer Barbrady read it."
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"- Dude, I think Officer Barbrady enjoys being in school too much."
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"Ok, ok, maybe we should try something a little easier."
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"Yeah, isn't he just supposed to be learning how to read?"
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"Give it a shot Officer Barbrady."
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"BZZZT! Wrong! Try again dumbass!"
South Park