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Clips from South Park - Chickenlover (S02E02)

"- Sabrina unchained. - Wow these books look cool!"
South Park
"God, shut up dude."
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"- Hey what's that? - I don't know let's go see."
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"Well being an officer of the peace means a lot of things."
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"Ok people, move along, there's nothing to see here."
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"Naw, I didn't see anything. It just happened so fast."
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"For what? Orderly conduct?"
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"What do you call this then?"
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"We're a bank."
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"There I said it. I can't read! Are you happy now?"
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"Ok, thank you all for coming there's ah coffee and brownies out front."
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"And so Officer Barbrady is taken a leave of abcense,"
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"Oh my god! They've killed..."
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"- Who knew? I always thought he was a complete idiot. - He is."
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"- What do you plan to do about the South Park riots? - No reason for concern."
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"- VBut he's illiterate. What do you plan to do? - Ahh.. plan? I don't actually..."
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"- I can't see dude!"
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"- How about a brain transplant? - Now Kyle let's be supportive of our new student."
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"Ok, ok, alright, I'm sorry, let's try again."
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"For my book report I read... The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe."
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"They eat lunch and then they find a magical...."
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"camel which they have to eat to stay alive. And that's pretty much it, I give it a B minus."
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"Swingset, swingset, up and down I go."
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"Oh my god! They killed..."
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"This time he made love to Karla Weather's pride chicken. She's catatonick."
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"Oh boy, I'm in big trouble. I'll never learn to read fast enough, and the town is in chaos."
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"- Do I get a nightstick? - Sure, nightsticks for everybody!"
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"You keep a tab on crime in the city. And we'll try to solve the chickenlover case."
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"Ooh! That's a very magical book, full of wonders..."
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"- The pond. Hey maybe that means Stark's Pond."
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"That's quick thinking deputy. Let's get to Stark's Pond Immidiately."
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"Have some respect for people's feelings would you Halfy?"
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"- Here, here, I found one! - What's it say, what's it say?"
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"I read it! I read it all by myself!"
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"Sir? Step out of the car."
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"Well sometimes upholding the law is not easy, but you get there"
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"- I'm not fit to be a cop. - Come on dude, it's not that hard."
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"Teetle the timid taxidermist loves to go to the pet, pet..."
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"Petting... petting zoo!"
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"He loves to go to the petting zoo!!"
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"- Look what she did to my fuckin' eye! - I'll do it again!"
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"Now, the first thing to do in domestic disturbance calls like this one is to calm everybody down."
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"Report to the South Park petting zoo imidiately."
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"Uh, can't this thing go any faster??"
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"I think that's a mask dude."
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"Whoa dude! It's the bookmobile driver!"
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"- What are you talking about, dude? - When I heard that Officer Barbrady couldn't read,"
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"Well I guess I should say, thanks?"
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"Well, he is."
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"Well anyway, I'm relieving you of your duties."
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"In today's news, South Park has a parade to honor Officer Barbrady..."
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"- What? - They want you to give a speech, Officer Barbrady."
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"About the whole experiece over the last couple of days."
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"Second, I'd like to say to all those out there who think they can screw chickens"
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"But then I read this. Atlas Shrugged by Ann Ryand."
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"Hooray for Barbrady!"
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"- Wow, I guess reading really does suck ass."
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"Hey, that's what I've been saying all along you guys."
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"Ok children each of you gets to choose 2 books from the booktastick bus."
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"- Reading sucks ass! - Eric, shut up!"
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"Boring, boring..."
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"- Gay, boring, boring. - Hey guys, check out these books."
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"Hey there's a lot of big words in these books."
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"There's a lot of hot vaginas and penises."
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"- Hello kids! I see you're discovering the magic of reading. - Who are you?"
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"I drive the Booktastic Bus where magic begins."
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"You see reading opens up whole new worlds to you."
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"You can take a canoe down the Amazon or go back in time to Camelot"
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"or become a race car driver all by just opening a book. Just like magic, the magic of reading."
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"Go ahead an pick any books you like. Then get in, get into the magic!"
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"- If we read are we gonna become like that guy? - Yeah this is stupid. Books aren't magical."
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"I don't know I'm kind of getting a tangly feeling looking at these."
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"It's a hard job, but then again I'm a hard man."
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"A lot of people think that in a small town there isn't a lot for the law to do."
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"Well, they're wrong."
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"All units, all units, report to Avenue 254 De Los Mexicanos"
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"Possible hostile situation."
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"There you see, this could be a bank robery or possibly even a murder."
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"This ain't no podunk little town."
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"And Barbrady, your wife called, she wants you to get some pizza on the way home."
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"God damn it!"
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"- What's the trouble, where's the body?"
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"Barbrady, I just caught some guy in here having sex with one of my chickens."
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"- My god that's disgusting! - Whoa dude. Who'd have sex with a chicken?"
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"Uh boys you move along, this isn't for young eyes to see."
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"- Did you get a good look at the suspect?"
South Park
"Well, uh. This is quite interesting, huh guys?"
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"Uh, we're gonna go grab some lunch"
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"and maybe get some shots of those turtles down at the pond."
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"- Aww, camel poo. - Hey what's this?"
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"- It looks like a note. - Give me that!"
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"- That's a clue and you'll get your stinky DNA all over it. - What does it say?"
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""Sorry I had sex with the chicken. I won't do it again, bye-bye.""
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"Everytime something happens in this town you say 'Nothing to see here' and 'Case closed'."
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"But we want justice! We have to find this sicko."
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"I said return to your homes, before I start arresting people."
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"- How about fishing without a license? - I'm not fishin'!"
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"If you do not comply I'll be forced to execute each and everyone of you"
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"by gun shots in the head."
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"That's right return to your simple lives. Just forget this ever happened."
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"Forget, forget."
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"- Wow, Barbrady sure is acting weird. - Yeah, I wonder what's wrong?"
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"Welcome to Fran's, can I help you?"
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"- Sir, can I help you? - Uh, just give me 2 cheeseburgers and some jalepeno poppers."
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"- Sir there is just one problem. - What's that?"
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"I know that smarty-pants! What do you think I'm some kind of idiot??"
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"Yes."
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"I can't go on living this life."
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"With chicken after chicken being violated the South Park police are under increasing presure"
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"to solve the case of the chicken fucker."
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"where Offier Barbrady and the mayor are fielding questions."
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"Officer Barbrady what would drive a man to such a disgusting act?"
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"Well nobody can say for sure, no motive has yet been established."
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"- Do the police have any leads? - Well most 3D computer modeling"
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"and attempted sizemology have not given us any leads as of yet."
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"- But has chicken fucker left any clues at the crime... - Alright! Alright! I can't read!!"
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"You pushed and you pushed and now you all know my terrible secret."
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"I'm illegitemate. I'm not fit to be a policeman. I retire!"
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"and South Park will have to manage without any police force for a while."
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"This just in! South Park has plunged into total anarchy."
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