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Clips from The Mick - The Buffer (S01E01)

"I cannot do another, not with all the crying and the..."
The Mick
"- There are just so many diapers. - I understand, okay."
The Mick
"No, no, no, you don't understand."
The Mick
"I breastfed all three of them."
The Mick
"No, no, no, but come on, good God, that's enough."
The Mick
"I don't want to hear about your nipples anymore."
The Mick
"- Are we cool on that? - Yeah, we're good. We're good."
The Mick
"- Okay, good. - But we got to keep her from seeing him."
The Mick
"No, that's the classic thing. If we forbid her to see him,"
The Mick
"she's just going to want him more."
The Mick
"We got to make her break up with him."
The Mick
"- Oh! - What?"
The Mick
"I'm going to bang his beautiful brains out."
The Mick
"- Oh... yeah. - Oh... yeah."
The Mick
"Mickey, I got a bad feeling about this."
The Mick
"Sabrina is going to do the murder to you"
The Mick
"if you sleep with Kai."
The Mick
"Yeah, well, she'll get over it."
The Mick
"I think it should be me who carries out this despicable act."
The Mick
"but not necessary."
The Mick
"You already do so much for this family."
The Mick
"Oh, well, I really don't do a lot,"
The Mick
"Yeah, it's okay. I... I do this."
The Mick
"Yeah, super thoughtful, but you know what?"
The Mick
"Here's the thing."
The Mick
"Kai's a thoroughbred, right, and we really need"
The Mick
"an experienced jockey riding that horse."
The Mick
"Yeah, but if I could just take a..."
The Mick
"Hello? Ma'am?"
The Mick
"Hey. I got your message."
The Mick
"There's something wrong with your bed?"
The Mick
"Jumping right into it, huh?"
The Mick
"I like that. Want to have a drink first?"
The Mick
"Oh, no, I'm okay. You know, booze and power tools."
The Mick
"All right, I'll take yours."
The Mick
"Oh."
The Mick
"So, um, what seems to be the problem over here?"
The Mick
"Oh, man, she's creaking like a barn door."
The Mick
"Hmm, well, I guess I could tighten a few screws,"
The Mick
"but it looks good to me."
The Mick
"It looks good to me, too."
The Mick
"Yeah, okay. Um, let's see."
The Mick
"Yeah, you know, I'm still not really hearing anything."
The Mick
"You're not hearing it? Yeah."
The Mick
"squeak... squeak... squeak, squeak."
The Mick
"Yeah, you know, I'm not hearing it."
The Mick
"Oh, okay. Well, then I guess let's just start over."
The Mick
"We don't have to overthink it."
The Mick
"Let's go under the bed and we'll figure out sort of a..."
The Mick
"I just want to get out of this here."
The Mick
"You know what, maybe I should... okay."
The Mick
"- Well, hold on. Hang on a second. - Okay."
The Mick
"Oh!"
The Mick
"My goodness, what a launch."
The Mick
"and do not come back."
The Mick
"Oh, that bitch, if she wants to get pregnant, fine, fine."
The Mick
"We're going to help her get pregnant."
The Mick
"Hmm?"
The Mick
"Hey, Steffi."
The Mick
"Oh, my God, it was so hard."
The Mick
"Right? It's like, are we in algebra or,"
The Mick
"like, the freakin' space program?"
The Mick
"Like, Earth to algebra, nobody likes you."
The Mick
"So cool, cool... chill."
The Mick
"Um, well, I just, like, think you're really,"
The Mick
"and I like hanging out with you and stuff."
The Mick
"And, like, you're super freakin' chill and, like,"
The Mick
"Chip, you don't have to be so nervous."
The Mick
"You can just ask."
The Mick
"Okay. Whew."
The Mick
"- I could pay you $500 to make out with me? - What?"
The Mick
"Um, you're better than that. $1,000."
The Mick
"- Oh! - You jerk."
The Mick
"Damn, Alba, how much ipecac did you put in that smoothie?"
The Mick
"I'm just trying to fake morning sickness,"
The Mick
"I'm sorry I'm not the expert drugger like you."
The Mick
"Look what I got online, a bunch of fake pregnancy tests."
The Mick
"I replaced them with all the ones under Poodle's sink."
The Mick
"I like to call it the $600 shuffle."
The Mick
"Yeah, now I just feel depressed."
The Mick
"Oh, us? Nothing. We're... we're just,"
The Mick
"- you know, we're hanging out. - Yeah."
The Mick
"No, you're acting weird."
The Mick
"No, we are not."
The Mick
"We are acting as regular as can be."
The Mick
"- Mm-hmm. - Yeah."
The Mick
"Yes, you are, and I know why."
The Mick
"You don't want to tell me that you hate my drawing."
The Mick
"You think I don't have control of the marker,"
The Mick
"and this whole art thing is a waste of my time."
The Mick
"Well, you don't have to tell me because I already know."
The Mick
"Whoa, what a dick."
The Mick
"What's wrong with him?"
The Mick
"I don't know. What's wrong with you?"
The Mick
"- You look horrible. - Oh, yeah."
The Mick
"Well, I've been sick all day. I don't know."
The Mick
"- Or maybe you have a baby inside you. - Oh, okay."
The Mick
"maybe you want to take one of the pregnancy tests"
The Mick
"She's got a good point. It couldn't hurt."
The Mick
"Well, I... I mean, I don't..."
The Mick
"Oh, uh-oh."
The Mick
"- Oh, no. - Get it out."
The Mick
"- Oh, no, no. - Eh."
The Mick
"She's a tiny person."
The Mick
"Just a little drip, you know what I mean?"
The Mick
"- I called Mickey. - Yeah, well, I'm here."
The Mick
"- What's the problem? - You're the problem."
The Mick
"Yeah. Well, don't worry, they'll drop back down."
The Mick
"You're a young man. This is just beginning."
The Mick
"All right? And to tell you the truth,"
The Mick
"Are you the father?"
The Mick
"Uh... I am today."
The Mick
"Well, his scans look okay."
The Mick
"Hopefully the pain and swelling will subside"
The Mick
"in the next few days, but if not,"
The Mick
"What does... what does that mean?"
The Mick
"- Well, his... - I..."
The Mick
"I think it means you got your wish."
The Mick
"Congrats on your first vasectomy."
The Mick
"Oh..."
The Mick
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