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Clips from The Mick - The Buffer (S01E01)

"- What? - I mean, are you kidding me?"
The Mick
"For instance,"
The Mick
"what's this little guy?"
The Mick
"A ring!"
The Mick
"It's like a little piece of calamari."
The Mick
"That's cool."
The Mick
"I don't know what you're supposed..."
The Mick
"Does this go around the..."
The Mick
"Oh, no, no. Nope, you squish it,"
The Mick
"and you actually stick it up your..."
The Mick
"and you are, uh..."
The Mick
"You're open for business."
The Mick
"uh, it has the exact same hormones as the pill"
The Mick
"and it causes blood clots."
The Mick
"Okay, try not to be a pain in the ass,"
The Mick
"That's an IUD."
The Mick
"Boy, it's off-putting."
The Mick
"- Very long. - Yeah."
The Mick
"Oh, but you know what I see here?"
The Mick
"- got a winner! - Nope."
The Mick
"- Open wide. - Don't even..."
The Mick
"Yeah, here comes the airplane."
The Mick
"- I'm just kidding. - I don't want it!"
The Mick
"- I won't, you got pants on. - Oh, my God."
The Mick
"That thing is filled with copper."
The Mick
"Come on, do you have any other toxins"
The Mick
"you want to fill me up with?"
The Mick
"Oh, my God, you are the dumbest smart person"
The Mick
"I have ever met in my life."
The Mick
"Fine, you don't want to use condoms,"
The Mick
"Gross, what does that even mean?"
The Mick
"It means I will see to it that you and Kai"
The Mick
"never have unprotected sex."
The Mick
"- How? - I don't have a job"
The Mick
"Hey, Mickey."
The Mick
"Yeah,"
The Mick
"What's it for?"
The Mick
"and I'm gonna get a vasectomy."
The Mick
"A vasectomy? What the hell are you talking about?"
The Mick
"Jimmy's right, I got"
The Mick
"- a big-ass target on my back. - Jimmy!"
The Mick
"I'm rich,"
The Mick
"I'm smart, I look like a freakin' movie star,"
The Mick
"I'm kind,"
The Mick
"and I'd make a great dad."
The Mick
"It's only a matter of time"
The Mick
"until some gold-digging whore"
The Mick
"lures me into her honey trap."
The Mick
"is thinking about getting a vasectomy."
The Mick
"Oh, right on. You want me to drive him or something?"
The Mick
"No, I don't, because he's not getting one."
The Mick
"Hey, this is my body."
The Mick
"- He's got a point. Nah, don't you... don't start."
The Mick
"He's not getting his balls chopped off, Jimmy, okay?"
The Mick
"Okay, that's not how it works."
The Mick
"They clamp it, snip it, seal it."
The Mick
"I've had it done a couple times and reversed, so..."
The Mick
"Okay, he hasn't even kissed a girl yet."
The Mick
"All right, prove it."
The Mick
"Kiss your hand, show me how"
The Mick
"you kiss all these girls."
The Mick
"Stop laughing, it's not funny!"
The Mick
"- I'm sorry. - What's going on?"
The Mick
"Oh, nothing,"
The Mick
"we're just, um, making fun of Chip"
The Mick
"'cause he's never kissed a girl."
The Mick
"Ah, don't sweat it, little man."
The Mick
"I didn't have my first kiss till the third grade."
The Mick
"Well, I'm 13."
The Mick
"there's nothing to it."
The Mick
"All you got to do is just close your eyes,"
The Mick
"just let the wave wash over you."
The Mick
"No, no, okay, all right, all right,"
The Mick
"hold on. H-Hey. Hang on a second. Wait!"
The Mick
"Just stop. Stop! Stop it!"
The Mick
"- I mean... - Stop!"
The Mick
"Get out. Good, good."
The Mick
"Good, really good."
The Mick
"Healthy. Healthy as a horse."
The Mick
"Jimmy, a word."
The Mick
"Ooh, stinks in here."
The Mick
"What are you, insane?"
The Mick
"You have nothing better to do than to stalk me?"
The Mick
"You guys just say the word."
The Mick
"Just give 'em to me, we'll try 'em, you maniac."
The Mick
"What is the problem, slugger?"
The Mick
"Oh, well, you were smart to come to me."
The Mick
"Yeah, either way."
The Mick
"Tell me about these trolls, pal."
The Mick
"They're not trolls, okay, they just..."
The Mick
"they won't..."
The Mick
"Okay, if I tell you,"
The Mick
"you have to promise not to tell anybody."
The Mick
"Yeah, of course."
The Mick
"Mickey's right, I never..."
The Mick
"kissed a girl, ever."
The Mick
"Uh-huh."
The Mick
"I tried to do it like Kai,"
The Mick
"but they all treated me like I had freakin' AIDS."
The Mick
"Okay, that's ignorant and insensitive,"
The Mick
"but I get how it feels to be rejected."
The Mick
"Trust me, uh..."
The Mick
"All right, and Kai,"
The Mick
"he's so good looking, it's..."
The Mick
"I wouldn't mind taking a run at him myself."
The Mick
"And he is really giving your aunt and I"
The Mick
"a jump-start in the bedroom."
The Mick
"Oh, gross, dude. Know your audience."
The Mick
"you got to be yourself, okay."
The Mick
"You've got things that he doesn't have, right?"
The Mick
"You got to play to those, play to your strengths."
The Mick
"Right, play to my strengths."
The Mick
"- Thank you, Jimmy. - Yeah."
The Mick
"Ugh. What the heck is going on up there?"
The Mick
"- Huh? - Pretty cool drawing."
The Mick
"And how am I supposed to make anything good"
The Mick
"You're so moody these days."
The Mick
"Ms. Mickey? Look, I found these in Sabrina's trash."
The Mick
"You have to promise me you will not let her"
The Mick
"I prometa. Okay?"
The Mick
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