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Clips from The Mick - The Buffer (S01E01)

"I filled it with other pills so I wouldn't get in trouble."
The Mick
"Oh... yeah, that's nice."
The Mick
"Oh."
The Mick
"Oh..."
The Mick
"Good morning, everybody."
The Mick
"Shh!"
The Mick
"Who the hell is this clown?"
The Mick
"Hi. I'm Kai."
The Mick
"He's my boyfriend."
The Mick
"Who are you?"
The Mick
"Well, I'm..."
The Mick
"- Mmm. - Mmm."
The Mick
"My goodness."
The Mick
"They are really going for it, huh?"
The Mick
"Oh, my God, are you really allowing this?"
The Mick
"What do you want me to do about it?"
The Mick
"Just turn the TV up."
The Mick
"Probably tire themselves out pretty soon."
The Mick
"It kind of feels like it's your department now."
The Mick
"Yeah, why are you even here?"
The Mick
"Yeah, true, you contribute nothing."
The Mick
"Oh, what the hell are you guys talking about?"
The Mick
"I'm the father figure."
The Mick
"Uh..."
The Mick
"no, not really."
The Mick
"Good job, Dad."
The Mick
"Well, I'm not gonna lie to the kid."
The Mick
"Problem solved."
The Mick
"Oh..."
The Mick
"Knock, knock. Can I come in?"
The Mick
"Mm-hmm. You could also actually knock."
The Mick
"- He seems cool. - Yeah."
The Mick
"Found wood's a thing. Oh."
The Mick
"Oh, God, are we having the talk?"
The Mick
"No, I don't want to have the talk, at all."
The Mick
"Listen, I just wanted to let you know that"
The Mick
"I totally get it and"
The Mick
"you picked a good one,"
The Mick
"that guy is a hall of fame piece of ass."
The Mick
"Oh, man,"
The Mick
"All right, the point is, uh,"
The Mick
"We're not."
The Mick
"Oh, okay. Well, that's cool."
The Mick
"Your body, your choice."
The Mick
"I am more of a pill person myself."
The Mick
"How is birth control poison, Sabrina?"
The Mick
"It destroys your body and causes crazy mood swings."
The Mick
"So do babies!"
The Mick
"Why do you all of a sudden care what...?"
The Mick
"Get what?"
The Mick
"You're jealous."
The Mick
"I'm jealous?"
The Mick
"- Yeah. - What, of you?"
The Mick
"Why would I be jealous of you?"
The Mick
"Maybe because I have a beautiful hunk of beef and you don't."
The Mick
"That packaged lunch meat?"
The Mick
"I'm over here feasting on filet mignon."
The Mick
"All right, you know what? I don't want to have"
The Mick
"this conversation. I just don't want you to get"
The Mick
"pregnant, so why don't you just take"
The Mick
"some of my pills, until you go fill a prescription of your own."
The Mick
"You keep your birth control in a plastic bag?"
The Mick
"Well, I buy it in bulk online."
The Mick
"I find it more cost effective."
The Mick
"I don't want them, okay?"
The Mick
"Why are you so resistant to the pill?"
The Mick
"We were able to join the workforce."
The Mick
"- It allowed us to... - You never worked a day"
The Mick
"in your life."
The Mick
"But I could if I wanted to,"
The Mick
"thanks to this magic little pill."
The Mick
"Oh, here we go. Ben, let me ask you something."
The Mick
"If there was a pill that gave you the freedom"
The Mick
"to be anything in the whole world,"
The Mick
"- would you take it? - Definitely."
The Mick
"There you go. This kid gets it and he's, like, three."
The Mick
"Great, then he can take 'em. How 'bout that?"
The Mick
"Okay, come back here."
The Mick
"Come on, Sabrina."
The Mick
"What do you care what I do with my body?"
The Mick
"You're not my mom."
The Mick
"Honey, as far as I'm concerned,"
The Mick
"make sure nobody dies or winds up pregnant."
The Mick
"Is what you're doing even legal?"
The Mick
"Actually, the age of consent"
The Mick
"in Connecticut is 16."
The Mick
"What?"
The Mick
"It's cool to have sex with a 16-year-old"
The Mick
"in the state of Connecticut."
The Mick
"Well, not cool like awesome."
The Mick
"Gross, how do you know that?"
The Mick
"I know what I know."
The Mick
"12 in Oaxaca."
The Mick
"Pull your head out of your ass!"
The Mick
"God, I'm so stoked I'm not a girl."
The Mick
"- Babies freakin' suck. - Hey,"
The Mick
"it's a two-way street, pal."
The Mick
"Women have trapped men since the dawn of time"
The Mick
"by getting accidentally knocked up."
The Mick
"And you, my friend, are a prime target."
The Mick
"If I were a chick, I would take you down."
The Mick
"Hey, babe."
The Mick
"Hey."
The Mick
"Um?"
The Mick
"Why?"
The Mick
"Oh. Oh, yeah."
The Mick
"Hey, guys."
The Mick
"Kai, can you give us a little privacy, please?"
The Mick
"- Oh, yeah, absolutely. - Thanks."
The Mick
"I'm fine."
The Mick
"Okay. Scooch over."
The Mick
"- Here we go. Whoopsie daisy. - Um..."
The Mick
"I was thinking about our conversation yesterday"
The Mick
"and I feel like I came across kind of naggy."
The Mick
"And I'm really sorry about that."
The Mick
"Because I get it, condoms suck."
The Mick
"All right, well, just hear me out, okay?"
The Mick
"I went down to the free clinic"
The Mick
"and I took full advantage of the free part for you."
The Mick
"Turns out, you kids have all sorts of options these days."
The Mick
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