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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - The Portrait (S03E03)

"it's like a party; as soon as one person leaves the party,"
What We Do in the Shadows
"to shoot in New York; Brooklyn in this case."
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"So what, you shooed away some assassins; who gives a shit?"
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"[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]"
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"What happened to this country?"
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"[IMITATES GUN FIRING]"
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"Bravo."
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"[clock chiming]"
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"GUILLERMO: It's a really weird time in the household"
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"because Colin Robinson is no longer with us."
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"I mean, vampires are no strangers to death."
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"They deal with it every day with the people that they kill."
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"But when they lose one of their own,"
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"they just don't know how to deal with it."
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"I mean, their only funeral-type tradition"
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"is that they get a new portrait made"
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"with all of them except for the newly deceased,"
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"and I don't think that's a really healthy way"
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"of dealing with the loss of a family member."
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"Perhaps we'd all like to go around the room"
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"and each one of say something that we liked"
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"- about Colin Robinson? - Oh, leave us alone, Guillermo."
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"You're giving everyone a big bummer."
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"When she's right, she's right."
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"- LASZLO: Should he even be here? - GUIDE: I know."
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"I did think this was sort of a "vampires only" portrait."
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"Hey, he is a valued member of the team"
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"and has every right to be in this portrait."
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"Even though he is a dog."
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"LASZLO: I wasn't talking about the dog, you halfwit,"
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"I was talking about Gizmo."
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"Yes, well, Gizmo needs to be here"
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"to help control the Hellhound."
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"GUILLERMO: If they talked about their feelings,"
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"then the healing could begin."
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"-[whining] - Guillermo,"
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"your Hellhound is wandering around"
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"and pissing all over our floors."
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"And once they're healed, they would realize that"
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"the dynamic's a little off."
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"So maybe they need to make a new vampire."
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"I-I just heard it, and I know..."
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"I know what you're thinking,"
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"but I truly believe that that's what's needed"
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"to really restore-- And I deserve it."
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"["You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing]"
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"♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪"
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"♪ They have no use for your song♪"
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"♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪"
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"♪ You're dead and out of this world♪"
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"♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone♪"
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"♪ You sold out your dream to the world♪"
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"♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead♪"
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"♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪"
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"♪"
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"DONAL: Yeah, I took up painting"
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"during season two of Grounded for Life."
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"As an actor, you spend a lot of time"
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"sitting around your trailer, waiting for them"
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"to light the next scene or whatnot,"
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"so I got some brushes and a how-to book from Blick,"
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"and I think I've gotten pretty good."
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"This is the cast of Grounded for Life."
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"Oh, my God, Jake and Griffin were so squirrely,"
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"I was like, "Look, here's the deal."
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""I'm gonna take a picture, and then you guys can fuck off"
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"and do whatever you want to do.""
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"I finished the painting from a photo, but you know,"
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"that's the way a lot of the masters work now."
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"This is the front gate of Radford in Studio City."
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"I was really happy with the way the light reflected"
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"off the admin building that day."
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"I think I really captured it."
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"This was a gaffer I worked with onER."
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"The guy had just such an amazing face,"
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"I was just staring at it."
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"I was staring at it when I was on camera,"
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"which would get me in trouble, you know?"
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"But I think I really got his essence."
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"So when the gang here said that they needed"
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"a new portrait done, I said I'd be more than happy"
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"to stick around and do it because I had some downtime"
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"between the next meeting of the Worldwide Vampiric Council"
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"and the two-episode arc I booked on SVU next month."
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"You gotta remember I came up with MTV in the '90s,"
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"where they were like, "Go shoot 15 hours"
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""of Jimmy the Cab Driver,"
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"and then we'll figure out where to stick it later,""
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"- but when I got Grounded... - NADJA: Oof."
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"- This buhbutz is really killing me. - I know."
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"Right? I mean, I like the cinema,"
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"but don't need to know how the sausage is made."
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"Yeah, and it's kind of insensitive."
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"I mean, we're all still mourning the death"
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"- of Colin Robinson. - I'm not."
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"Well, that's what I'm talking about."
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"We need to talk about that."
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"- How you're feeling... - We don't need to talk"
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"about anything."
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"We are having our picture painted."
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"Then we will have a picture that Colin Robinson is not in,"
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"and we can forget about him forever,"
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"and this will heal us."
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"Why did we have to rush it?"
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"The corpse has barely begun to stink,"
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"and we've got the Tao of Steve"
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"- painting our portrait. - NANDOR: Oh, here we go."
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"Nadja's masking her true feelings with a joke."
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"That was not a joke. A joke has a punchline."
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"And you wouldn't know a punchline if it ran over"
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"your scrotum with a penny farthing!"
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"[laughter]"
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"Oh, I am sorry, but that was a good one."
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"Also, I feast upon hate."
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"You know what? Fuck this whole thing!"
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"Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!"
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"You're cool. Fuck you, and fuck you!"
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"- Fuck all this shit! - Whoa."
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"You are not storming away from me."
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"I am storming away from you, but in a different direction!"
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