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Clips from BoJack Horseman - Best Thing That Ever Happened (S03E03)

"I'm sorry I screwed up, you don't have to read off the--"
BoJack Horseman
"and worst of all she's got my globes a-warming!""
BoJack Horseman
"A punch line to a joke from the roast of January Jones."
BoJack Horseman
"- A global warming joke? - It's an important issue. Here we go."
BoJack Horseman
""Our relationship no longer has any--""
BoJack Horseman
""January has only gotten hotter and hot--" Nope."
BoJack Horseman
"- Were you at the roast of January Jones? - No, but I wrote some jokes"
BoJack Horseman
"in case someone got sick and they needed a backup."
BoJack Horseman
"Do you even know January Jones? Why would they call you?"
BoJack Horseman
"How did these get out of order?"
BoJack Horseman
"So in the joke, are the globes your balls?"
BoJack Horseman
"And they get warm when you see January Jones?"
BoJack Horseman
"Is that how balls work?"
BoJack Horseman
"I don't know. It's a work in progress."
BoJack Horseman
"Professional integrity!"
BoJack Horseman
"So it's gotta end. Stand to leave.""
BoJack Horseman
"Exit restaurant." Goddamn it."
BoJack Horseman
"Wow, that was-- I don't know what that was."
BoJack Horseman
"Hey! Where are you going?"
BoJack Horseman
"- Who gave you this idea? Spanakopita? - This has nothing to do with Ana."
BoJack Horseman
"Now you do whatever she says?"
BoJack Horseman
"- Is that what's happening? - No."
BoJack Horseman
"- I'm not doing whatever she says. - So you are b'thumping."
BoJack Horseman
"I understand from context what you mean, but there's no way b'thumping is a thing."
BoJack Horseman
"I'll get it!"
BoJack Horseman
"You don't have to do everything your little falafel pocket tells you to."
BoJack Horseman
"I still managed to get you jobs."
BoJack Horseman
"Everyone told me to dump you-- my bosses, film execs, directors,"
BoJack Horseman
"they all told me you were washed up, a nobody, a has-been,"
BoJack Horseman
"You're right, BoJack. This is for the best."
BoJack Horseman
"I no longer have to lug your talentless, self-centered, self-sabotaging,"
BoJack Horseman
"- Hey. - Thank you for firing me."
BoJack Horseman
"I'm gonna go pour myself a little celebratory potato juice,"
BoJack Horseman
"because this is the best goddamn thing that's ever happened to me."
BoJack Horseman
"Hey! Hey! Hey!"
BoJack Horseman
"[groans]"
BoJack Horseman
"Ha, ha! I'll get it."
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, no? What's happening?"
BoJack Horseman
"This is so weird. I'm walking away, even though you told me not to."
BoJack Horseman
"Right, I don't work for you anymore."
BoJack Horseman
"- Hey! - Excuse me, Mr. Horseman?"
BoJack Horseman
"Writing that down..."
BoJack Horseman
"Tonight's your lucky night. You just got promoted."
BoJack Horseman
"Kidding. I'm actually just happy being a waiter. I'm not my job."
BoJack Horseman
"Oh."
BoJack Horseman
"[murmuring]"
BoJack Horseman
"-Ahh... -Would you look at that."
BoJack Horseman
"- I was such a burden all those years. - Can I close my mouth now?"
BoJack Horseman
"- Know what I think? - Don't wanna hear it."
BoJack Horseman
"You like being there to rescue me."
BoJack Horseman
"Guess what? I never asked for that."
BoJack Horseman
"You have never not been asking me to rescue you."
BoJack Horseman
""Princess Carolyn, help me!"
BoJack Horseman
"I slept with the gaffer's wife and now he's not lighting me properly."
BoJack Horseman
"Princess Carolyn, I threw up on Elle Fanning in a bounce house."
BoJack Horseman
"Princess Carolyn, why am I such a big stupid asshole?""
BoJack Horseman
"Okay, great, more abuse. Right on schedule."
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, that's abuse?"
BoJack Horseman
"Didn't have to, you're always saying it."
BoJack Horseman
"And I don't like being around you, because I feel bad."
BoJack Horseman
"You make me feel bad."
BoJack Horseman
"So this isn't about me being a bad agent."
BoJack Horseman
"It's about a lot of things."
BoJack Horseman
"- Can you give it to me? - What? No."
BoJack Horseman
"- What does that have to do--? - You're not being fair,"
BoJack Horseman
"to me or Princess Katniss."
BoJack Horseman
"- Who? - Your friend."
BoJack Horseman
"You've forgotten her already? Typical BoSchwack."
BoJack Horseman
"Are you okay? You've been in there a long time."
BoJack Horseman
"- This is the ladies' room! - [female] What's going on out there?"
BoJack Horseman
"I agonized over this. Ask Ana."
BoJack Horseman
"- Oh. So you did talk about it with Ana. - Yeah. I respect her opinion."
BoJack Horseman
"Hey! Ow! God, you're strong."
BoJack Horseman
"This is exactly the kind of unprofessionalism I'm talking about."
BoJack Horseman
"You want a mommy you can slide your dick in."
BoJack Horseman
"A sex-mommy who keeps her boundaries, is that too much to ask?"
BoJack Horseman
"Is there a single woman you've worked with"
BoJack Horseman
"who you haven't tried to groggily thrust yourself into?"
BoJack Horseman
"Is it any wonder I don't want to be around you?"
BoJack Horseman
"All you do is tell me I'm a terrible person."
BoJack Horseman
"Please, you're such a self-pitying masochist,"
BoJack Horseman
"I could say ten nice things and one mean thing,"
BoJack Horseman
"you would only hear the one mean thing."
BoJack Horseman
"Okay, one-- I'm freezing my whiskers off."
BoJack Horseman
"- You have a natural charisma. - You hesitated, that means it's a lie."
BoJack Horseman
"Two, you are loved by millions."
BoJack Horseman
"That's not a compliment. So is Kim Jong Un and Teri Hatcher."
BoJack Horseman
"Where are my family's double-fudge cheese pies?"
BoJack Horseman
"- Then who's our waiter? - Uh, you're the waiter now. Ta-da!"
BoJack Horseman
"I can't be a waiter."
BoJack Horseman
"You get someone else to do it. I'm the chef and whatever I say goes!"
BoJack Horseman
"Table eight. Deliver those soy balls, soldier."
BoJack Horseman
"So I'm a clown to you? Like Joe Pesci in Home Alone?"
BoJack Horseman
"- I don't know how you put up with me. - I didn't put up with you, BoJack."
BoJack Horseman
"I don't regret the trip to the Bahamas."
BoJack Horseman
"Or the bracelet you bought me for my 38th birthday."
BoJack Horseman
"Or when my dad died"
BoJack Horseman
"and you came to the funeral with me and held my hand."
BoJack Horseman
"You know that I don't do the whole love thing."
BoJack Horseman
"Yeah."
BoJack Horseman
"Ugh. This sucks. Ow."
BoJack Horseman
"I did this to myself. I do this to myself."
BoJack Horseman
"Maybe if you're good at putting out fires,"
BoJack Horseman
"you just run from fire to fire and don't really think about--"
BoJack Horseman
"[groans] I figured out how to pre-heat the oven."
BoJack Horseman
"This night has been a disaster."
BoJack Horseman
"The good news is I got my kid to prep my important meeting at work."
BoJack Horseman
"The bad news is all the customers went home."
BoJack Horseman
"They didn't like the screaming"
BoJack Horseman
"- It's called a char, dumbshits. - The critic's still here."
BoJack Horseman
"Oh, oh, oh!"
BoJack Horseman
"What are you doing? No, go home."
BoJack Horseman
"You're right. What am I doing?"
BoJack Horseman
"All right."
BoJack Horseman
"Good luck."
BoJack Horseman
"♪ Girl, don't turn that car around ♪"
BoJack Horseman
"♪ Just keep driving away ♪"
BoJack Horseman
"How should I know? Do I look like an expert in cooking oils?"
BoJack Horseman
"We have to choose! We're running out of time."
BoJack Horseman
"- Olive. You wanna use olive oil. - What are you doing?"
BoJack Horseman
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