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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Speckerman Recurrence (S05E05)

"If it were a game, here are your choices."
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"Was he the one who used your head to open a nut?"
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"When Leonard gets back, I'd love to check serotonin levels."
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"...or put gum in their hairy knuckles so the nurse had get it out?"
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"Who would've thought?"
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"- What...? I was not a bully. - Kind of sounds like you were."
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"You wore underwear? Ha, ha. You fool."
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"Oh, please. That's the scientific equivalent..."
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"...of a smiley-face sticker on your homework."
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"Oh, I can't take all the credit. You helped a lot."
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"Mm, technically, Howard's the gear-head. Leonard's just a dime-store laser jockey."
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"That sounds amazing. First movie I'm watching, Annie."
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"...is you're a terrible person who took advantage of his tiny size..."
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"I don't understand."
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"I think what he's trying to say is that maybe..."
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"A little bit? The man super-glued Hershey's kisses to your nipples."
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"That one has my mother written all over it."
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"Assuage or altruism?"
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"Oh, my God, that's perfect, because I have so many clothes I don't wear."
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"- You're a beautiful guy. - Oh, well, yeah. Thanks, Jimmy."
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"- Mind if I use your bathroom? - Yeah. It's just back there."
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"...your big, bad high-school bully finally apologizes."
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"Yeah. It kind of rekindles your faith in the basic goodness in people."
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"Yes, to a poor waitress who loves a boot-cut."
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"I don't think Mother Teresa would... Oh, that is adorable."
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"So, uh, listen, it was great to see you again."
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"- Yeah, let me just finish this. - No. You're done."
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"Don't answer. That's a trick question. I speak from experience."
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"Do you think we can outrun him?"
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"Let's put everything back. Come on."
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"Hi. Did Sheldon change the Wi-Fi password again?"
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"Uh, yeah, it's "Penny already eats our food, she can pay for Wi-Fi.""
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"No spaces."
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"Okay. What makes you think you can get me to stop using your Wi-Fi?"
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"I believe that you're capable of great change."
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"Like, when I finally got you to stop saying "Valentime's Day.""
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"- Wanna hear something weird? - Sure."
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"In the year 2000..."
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"...Pope John Paul II was named an honorary Harlem Globetrotter."
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"What are you talking about?"
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"You asked Penny if she wanted to hear something weird."
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"Well, yeah, because I have something weird to tell her."
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"Oh. I thought it was a game."
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"- What's yours? - There's this guy, Jimmy Speckerman."
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"He used to torment me in high school."
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"He sent me a message through Facebook."
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"- He's in town and wants to have drinks. - Okay, Penny."
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"...or the head of one of the largest religious institutions in the world..."
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"...slam-dunking to "Sweet Georgia Brown." Pick."
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"Just do it, because he's not gonna let it go."
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"- Basketball Pope. - And that's how it's done."
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"What are you gonna do?"
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"- Are you gonna see him? - I don't know."
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"Is this the fellow who peed in your Hawaiian Punch?"
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"No, that was a different guy."
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"Was he the one who wedgied you so hard your testicle reascended..."
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"...and you spent your whole Christmas break waiting for it to come back down?"
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"No, that was a different different guy."
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"- No. - Oh, oh, oh."
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"Was he the one who made you eat your arm hair?"
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"No, but actually, that was this guy's sister."
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"- Well, what do you think he wants? - I don't know."
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"The holidays are just around the corner."
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"Maybe he wants to see if he can lodge the other testicle up there."
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"I told you. That was a different guy."
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"Mm, that's too bad. Could've spent New Year's Eve waiting for the ball to drop."
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"It's 2 a.m. What are you doing up?"
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"Nobel Prize acceptance ceremony streaming live from Stockholm."
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"Sure. Wanna see what all the scientists are wearing this year."
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"Look at these men."
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"They've managed to win the top science prize in the world..."
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"...with no more understanding of the quantum underpinnings..."
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"...of the expansion of the early universe than God gave a goose."
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"You should pay attention, Leonard. Someday it's gonna be you up there."
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"- Thanks. - So, what's got you up?"
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"Did you have a bad clam?"
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"- I didn't have clams. - I don't watch you 24 hours a day."
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"I don't know what you do."
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"It's this Jimmy Speckerman thing. I can't decide if I should agree..."
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"...to see him or not. That might be because the last time I ran into him..."
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"...he made me floss with my own shoelaces."
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"Wear loafers."
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"Look at Dr. Saul Perlmutter up there clutching that Nobel Prize."
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"What's the matter, Saul? Afraid someone's gonna steal it?"
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"Like you stole Einstein's cosmological constant?"
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"You know what? I am tired of living in fear of this guy."
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"I'm gonna go see him..."
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"...and say the things I should have said in high school."
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""Pick on someone your own size.""
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""No, you did not have sex with my mother.""
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"And, "Yes, I do know why I'm hitting myself.""
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"Oh. Now Perlmutter shaking the king's hand."
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"Yeah. Check for your watch, Gustaf, he might've lifted it."
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"I love this dress."
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"- How come I never see you wear it? - Because when I wear it, it's a shirt."
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"So, what's Howard doing tonight?"
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"Oh, they all went with Leonard to confront his childhood bully."
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"Oh. Terrific. High-school quarterback against four mathletes."
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"Do you think he'd let me draw a syringe full of his blood?"
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"Hmm. He's not crazy about needles."
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"But if you get him to go jogging, it'll just pour out of his nose."
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"I don't think I can meet the girl who was always mean to me."
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"Tammy Bodnick. One time while I was in gym class..."
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"...she stole all my clothes and left an elf costume in my locker."
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"- Oh, that's awful. - Worst part was it was too big."
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"That's nothing. In ninth grade, the girls put Rogaine in my hand lotion."
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"Within six months, the nicknames began to fly."
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"I think the one that hurt the most was Gorilla Fingers Fowler."
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"Oh. Wow, you poor thing."
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"What about you?"
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"Oh, I don't know. My school was a nice place. We didn't have bullies."
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"Come on, no one ever gave anyone mean nicknames, or picked on them..."
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"No, we weren't really like that."
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"We played pranks on each other, but it was never mean."
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"This girl, Kathy Geiger, got good grades so we blindfolded her..."
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"- God. That's awful. - No, it was funny. Everyone laughed."
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"Did Kathy Geiger laugh?"
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"Uh, probably. It's hard to say. She kind of had an ear of corn in her mouth."
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"Fuzzy Fingers Fowler is best friends with a bully."
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"And maybe a felon."
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