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Clips from NewsRadio - Pure Evil (S04E04)

"Boy, you go away for a week or two, and everything changes."
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"Oh, I'm sorry, Dave. It still stings, doesn't it?"
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"[ Sputtering Laugh ] No, he's not, Dave."
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"As of today, a new Dave is born--"
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"a Dave who, for lack of a better phrase, is..."
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"Dave, can I borrow five bucks?"
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"Sure, Joe. My wallet's in my desk. Just take what you need."
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"I shouldn't make her the target of my, you know-- my-my-my-my--"
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"Look, Dave, why don't you get up and get me a soda? Thank you, honey. Uh-huh."
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"Ooh, Dave, that's a good start. Okay, go with it. Go with it."
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"Come on. More! More! Get your own damn soda!"
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"That's really all I've got right now."
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"You shouldn't be here. You don't work here anymore."
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"I got it down to a science."
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"What do you have to say to that, Mr. President?"
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"[ As Himself ] And I'd just like to say, "Put a sock in it, Mr. President.""
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"Yeah, it's-- Oh, my. Pure evil, right?"
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"Mm-hmm. Yeah, but what's the point, Dave?"
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"Someone who's a lousy producer, but a great news director,"
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"But what if Jimmy just fires you, Dave? You thought about that one?"
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"Who will be the news director? I guess they can always get someone new."
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"Hmm? [ Sinister Laughing ]"
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"And remind me to re-itemize those agenda lists, because I have no idea what I'm doing."
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"Sure, you do. Sure, you do. You've been preparing for this day for five years."
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"- No one expects you to be perfect. - Oh, you're so naive."
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"What if I tell someone to do something, and then they don't do it?"
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"You know what? No one becomes a boss overnight."
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"You've got plenty of time to prove yourself. How much time?"
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"Just focus on the first part of today, which is the staff meeting."
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"Dave, what the hell is he doin'?"
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"It's that fake presidential interview laced with lies and obscenities."
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"Sir, I have marshaled every manipulatory skill and resource at my grasp."
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"That's the way to go. That's my boy."
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"If it gets messy, you'll leave me out of it, okay? We never had this conversation."
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"Sir-- Sir-- I don't know you. Can't talk."
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"Why not start with a joke?"
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"And you know what?"
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"I just happen to have a joke book for junior executives right here."
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"Well, of course you do. Mm-hmm."
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"Just take a deep breath."
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"Oh."
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"She was choking. You okay?"
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"Aw, come on! Wait a minute here. A priest and a rabbi what?"
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"Thanks. What day is it?"
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"Tuesday. Oh, wow."
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"What?"
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"Well, sir, I have no idea how to deal with this crisis."
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"because we never discussed this, but-- [ Coughs ] good work, whoever the hell you are."
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"It's so beautiful, I don't wanna touch it."
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"That's what they're here for."
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"Anyway, uh, about drive time--"
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"Wow!"
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"White House spokesman Mike McCurry said,"
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"and I thought, "Boy, I bet Bill McNeal could make some hay with this.""
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"I'm sorry, Dave. If you can't control these people better,"
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"Don't worry. I just had to say that for legal reasons. I'm not even here right now."
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"You know it, dude."
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"Okay, well, then call me back when you get them. Thanks."
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"Five more minutes."
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"Oh."
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"No, I'm pretty sure we went to Hawaii together."
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"- How was it? - Not that fun."
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"[ As Clooney ] Oh, he is, Bill. He most definitely is."
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"In fact, he sent me here to assassinate you."
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"[ As Clooney ] Come on. How could I assassinate the great Bill McNeal?"
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"[ As Himself ] You are too kind."
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"[ As Clooney ] You got that right, girlfriend."
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"I tried it twice already, and the only thing I proved..."
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"is that I'm a terrific hostess and I can't talk and chew gum at the same time."
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"I can't. I'm too nervous. I'm doing this for your own good."
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"Well, that's about all I have for today. Meeting dismissed."
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"Well, that was nice, but I was actually hopin' for more cake."
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"Plus, I had a date."
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"Oh!"
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"Yes, I'm up!"
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"quoting lines from Bill's stupid fake Clinton interviews."
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"Guys at my chemical plant were actually asking for autographed photos of Bill."
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"Oh, Lord. I've created a monster."
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"Oh, shh! I can't hear."
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"I do not do it for myself."
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"[ As Clinton ] "Dear Bill, I know these are trying times for you,"
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"Don't let those fat bastards in the senate get you down.""
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"[ Applause Continues ]"
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"Guys, can you listen to me for just a second? Lisa's had a very tough first week as boss, okay?"
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"So, if you could just find it in your hearts to give her, like, a pat on the back..."
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"or a, you know, "Good job, Lisa," it would really help."
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"Thank you, sir."
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"Which is awesome."
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"I didn't do it on purpose."
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"I mean, you're doing a good job. You're doing a very good job."
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"You are very, very good, and I am very, very bad."
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"You know, Dave, it's hard enough trying to do this stupid job..."
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"I was being sincere."
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"We got the ratings to prove it, but you didn't hear that from me."
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"I just wanna be a good boss."
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"I miss my old job."
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"Thank you, sir, but you know that's not true."
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"Mr. McNeal, I just want to let you know, you make me so proud to be an American."
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"Me too, Cindy. Me too."
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"Neither did you. Right on."
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"Dave, I am sorry I'm-- that I chewed out you today."
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"Mm-hmm. That's all right, you know? It's all right."
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"good night, Lisa."
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"Good night, you two."
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"I still can't get used to the fact that that's your desk now."
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"Me neither."
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"No, it just takes a little getting used to, but, uh, I'm fine."
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"Good for you."
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"Okay, I'm not fine."
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"- I'm not fine! - You sure? You seem fine."
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"'Cause that Dave, unfortunately, as of today, is dead."
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"Oh, yes, he is. Hear me well."
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"pure evil."
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"Where was I?"
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"Uh, pure evil. [ Door Closes ]"
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"Pure... evil."
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"And by embodying pure evil as I now do,"
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"in one short week, I will have my old job rightfully re-bestowed upon me."
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"- You're gonna get Lisa fired? - Oh, Lord, no. No."
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"Which I'm still sort of getting the hang of."
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