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Clips from The Golden Girls - Transplant (S01E01)

"Well, I don't know. But if I were you, I sure wouldn't wave goodbye."
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"And if I were you, I sure wouldn't jog without a muumuu."
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"Oh, Blanche, please. Let's not do this."
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"Let's grow up. For God's sake, we have done this our whole lives long!"
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"Let's call an end to it, OK?"
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"So... you thinking about getting a face-lift?"
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"For your - how do I put this delicately? -"
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"turkey wattle or what?"
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"It's colic. My children had it."
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"Yes. After dinner with a cigar."
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"Rose, you give brandy for teething. You rub it on their gums."
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"In their bottles."
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"Well, my babies were very happy."
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"Put it in my bottle. I'll be happy too."
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"Look at this - pop-ups. Isn't that wonderful?"
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"That's nothing. In Sicily, we use a leaf and the river."
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"Ma, you never had a baby in Sicily."
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"I was a baby in Sicily."
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"We had to sterilize our bottles and make our formula."
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"I nursed. Your brother was 12 when he stopped."
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"- I got nothing left up here. - Oh, Ma."
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"Well, she's gone."
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"That's it? That's why we couldn't sit on the couch for two days?"
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"No. I have to have dinner with her tonight. Why is that baby still here?"
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"She was interested, charming, caring, loving."
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"Just couldn't have been more wonderful."
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"I just wonder what she wants, the conniving little witch."
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"You're welcome, Maurice."
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"- Well, I can't drink. - You never could."
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"One Jack Daniel's and you'd disappear with half a fraternity house."
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"- We said we weren't gonna do this. - Well, what else can we do?"
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"- Then it's time for us to start, OK? - Fine with me."
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"To us. To the beginning of a new and wonderful relationship."
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"Now, what do you want?"
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"All my life you've taken everything that ever meant anything to me."
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"You took my poodle skirt? Was that you?"
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"Oh, shut up."
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"I can't believe that you are still crazy about that."
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"It's not over that."
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"- It's over Tom. - Tom?"
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"Don't act so surprised, Virginia. You knew I was dating him."
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"Then I had to go to the country to visit Aunt Augusta"
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"and when I got back, I had poison ivy and you had Tom."
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"I loved that boy. I wanted to marry him. We were serious."
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"- You only had two dates with him. - I was fast."
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"Then I had to be maid of honor at your wedding."
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"And I had to wear that green dress, which you knew was my most awful color."
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"I looked just like a swamp frog."
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"Everyone I ever loved, you took."
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"No."
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"With who?"
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"- Everyone. - Huh. Serves you right."
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"- Blanche! - Well, it does."
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"Well, then, I must have been really bad."
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"I knew it. I knew you had a reason. Better be a good one."
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"I'm dying."
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"What?"
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"I'm dying."
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"Well... my God."
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"That explains it, then."
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"What?"
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"Ma, could you eat a little more quietly, please?"
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"- Hi, everybody. - Hi, Blanche."
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"Oh, the baby gone?"
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"No, Rose is driving him around to get him to sleep."
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"- Why is he still here? - Ted needs some minor surgery,"
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"so they're still at the hospital."
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"- We're gonna have that baby till college. - Shh."
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"- So how was dinner? - I'm still in shock."
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"What happened?"
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"- I just can't believe it. - What?"
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"- You never think you're gonna hear that. - Blanche, tell me."
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"- She's dying. - What?"
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"- My sister's dying. - What?"
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"- Dying, she's dying. - Oh, my God, Blanche!"
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"Oh, honey, I didn't even know you were sick!"
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"- Not Blanche. Her sister! - Oh, thank God!"
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"Oh!"
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"And she came here to tell you. Is that it?"
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"No, please. She could've done that over the phone."
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"- It was like I said. She wanted something. - Enough already!"
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"I mean, the woman is dying. What could she possibly want from you?"
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"My kidney."
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"My kidney."
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"- Why would she need a kidney? - To feed the cat, Rose!"
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"She's going into renal failure, so a transplant is her best hope."
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"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry."
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"What happens if she doesn't get your kidney?"
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"She'll die."
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"You hold her life in your hands?"
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"I'm glad you're not my sister."
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"Oh, I couldn't eat. I was just too stunned."
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"- What are you gonna do, Blanche? - I don't know."
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"I mean, it's not as if she were my daughter. She's my sister. My sister that I hate."
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"I wish I could give her my kidneys, let her get up all night."
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"and then the one good kidney I have left stops working?"
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"- What'll I do then, ask for my kidney back? - You'd be an Indian giver."
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"Blanche, that does not happen. You can live just fine with one kidney."
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"I can't eat this food. I'm going to bed. I'll just think about it tomorrow."
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"All I know is, girls, I'm in a no-win situation here."
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"Either way, no matter what I do, I'm gonna lose something."
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"What would you do?"
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"For my children, I wouldn't even have to think."
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"I mean, I'd give them both of my kidneys. I'd cut 'em out myself."
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"Me too. I'd give them my heart."
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"I'd give to all my children, except Phil."
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"- Why not Phil? - Because he never calls, he never writes."
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"I only hear from him at Christmas when he sends me a cheddar cheese nativity scene."
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"I'm Catholic. I can't spread a wise man on a Ritz cracker."
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"If I still had my dog Fluffy, I'd give to him."
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"- You'd give what to Fluffy? - My kidney."
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"Oh, come on, Rose. You'd give a kidney to a dog?"
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"- Absolutely. - So he could whiz on your rug?"
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"I would give to him because of everything he gave to me."
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"He was loving, he was loyal, he was fun. He never left my side."
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"I wish my ex had been like Fluffy."
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"Would've solved a lot of problems."
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"Oh, poor Blanche."
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"You're damn right I do. We're talking about a vital organ in my body here."
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"I know."
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