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Clips from Modern Family - En Garde (S01E01)

"Why? Because. Because why?"
Modern Family
"Because I won't sell anything I don't believe in."
Modern Family
"I could sell a fur coat to an Eskimo."
Modern Family
"Yeah, Phil, I'm sorry. It's a beautiful house."
Modern Family
"But I'm just not sure how kid-friendly it is, and we have two small children."
Modern Family
"I mean, these stairs alone- Dad, this place is awesome."
Modern Family
"Not now, Luke. Did you see the backyard? It's got room for 10 tree houses."
Modern Family
"And the bedroom's got a window on the ceiling. I wish we could live here."
Modern Family
"- I wish you'd go back out to the patio where- - Do you really?"
Modern Family
"Oh, yeah. Our house sucks compared to this one."
Modern Family
"- Hmm. - It really does."
Modern Family
"[Phil Chuckles] There you are."
Modern Family
"Dad doesn't want me to go. What? Why?"
Modern Family
"Remember when you were all worried that our son's a dud?"
Modern Family
"Turns out he's a natural."
Modern Family
"At what? At selling."
Modern Family
"Hey, titans of residential real estate."
Modern Family
"That's right, I'm talking to you, Sandy Brewster, Skip Woosnum, J.J. McCubbin."
Modern Family
"Hear those footsteps? That's Luke Dunphy, and he's gonna drink your milk shake."
Modern Family
"That's amazing."
Modern Family
"Right? Incredible."
Modern Family
"So, the buyer's coming back in an hour with her husband, and I need him."
Modern Family
"There's the rainmaker."
Modern Family
"- Why is your iPod in your mouth? - I'm charging it."
Modern Family
"Alex. Alex!"
Modern Family
"So, there's no part of you that wants to clear the air with your sister?"
Modern Family
"Nope. Okay, fine. That's your family's way. I'll respect that."
Modern Family
"But you should know, it's hard on the people who love you."
Modern Family
"Cam- We feel the tension. We hear the words that cut like knives."
Modern Family
"Hey, guys! I brought orange slices."
Modern Family
"Okay, you know what? I can't bear this."
Modern Family
"Claire, Mitchell still resents you for quitting the figure skating team when you were kids."
Modern Family
"Ladies, come inside with me, please. Work it out. Come on."
Modern Family
"Thanks, Cam. Is he serious?"
Modern Family
"Is that what your little jab was about this morning? Okay. No. Yes. Okay, yes. Yes."
Modern Family
"I guess I'm still a little angry. But, you know, you stole my moment, Claire."
Modern Family
"because you had your own moments."
Modern Family
"You shouldn't have quit. It was selfish. You wanna know why I quit?"
Modern Family
"I quit to protect you. From what?"
Modern Family
"Glory? Fame? Press conferences? What? Come on. I was bigger than you."
Modern Family
"I was bigger than you, and I was afraid you wouldn't be able to lift me."
Modern Family
"You were dropping me in practice- I dropped you twice."
Modern Family
"Three times. You dropped me all the time. [Sighs]"
Modern Family
"Come on. Could you just forgive me and move on? [Exhales]"
Modern Family
"Of course. Yes, yes. Yes, of- I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Modern Family
"Oh. This must seem so petty, huh?"
Modern Family
"Well, it's a little silly, but we all have our thing, don't we?"
Modern Family
"Are you trying to lift me? You are. You're trying to lift me. Oh!"
Modern Family
"Who's the bravest? I am."
Modern Family
"Who's the baddest?"
Modern Family
"Go. Go get 'em!"
Modern Family
"There we go. You all set? Yeah."
Modern Family
"Excuse me. Is this seat taken? No. Sit."
Modern Family
"Oh, thank you."
Modern Family
"Oh, is Manny yours? Yes."
Modern Family
"Oh, he's quite good. I saw him earlier."
Modern Family
"Thank you. Yeah."
Modern Family
"Is she your little girl? Oh, Caroline? No. No."
Modern Family
"Sadly, her parents passed away."
Modern Family
"I'm her nurse down at the children's hospital."
Modern Family
"[Laughing] [Man] Well, our boys are enjoying themselves."
Modern Family
"Yeah. I can talk about crown moldings and recessed lighting until the cows come home,"
Modern Family
"but nothing compares with that sound right there. [Footsteps Approaching]"
Modern Family
"[Thud] Ow! Ow!"
Modern Family
"Oh. Hey, buddy. Oh, he's fine. Ow."
Modern Family
"It's not backwards. [Man] Wh-What happened?"
Modern Family
"[Luke] It's the stupid floors! They're too slippery."
Modern Family
"It's like ice. Now, let's not start blaming the floors."
Modern Family
"You shouldn't have been running. I saw a ghost."
Modern Family
"Ghosts. Hey, Phil Dunphy. Okay, that's me."
Modern Family
"Okay. Probably better all take our shoes off for this part of the tour. Follow me."
Modern Family
"She's our little miracle."
Modern Family
"Oh. I only wish her father had made it back from Afghanistan to see this."
Modern Family
"[Clattering] Oh, there's our cheering section."
Modern Family
"Over here, you guys. Hi."
Modern Family
"Oh, my God. We have to stop him."
Modern Family
"[Mouthing Words]"
Modern Family
"Maybe I can pull the fire alarm."
Modern Family
"[Whistle Blows] Expect no mercy."
Modern Family
"Bring it on, big boy."
Modern Family
"- [Whistle Blows] - I'm-I'm glad Dad's proud of Manny. I am."
Modern Family
"By us, I mean me. [Scoffs]"
Modern Family
"And you sincerely thought that the path to Dad's approval..."
Modern Family
"was going to be through figure skating?"
Modern Family
"Mitchell, I am fairly confident that Dad's proudest moment..."
Modern Family
"was when you finally took off the flame-red unitard."
Modern Family
"I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a pill, okay?"
Modern Family
"Um, actually, I always felt very guilty for quitting."
Modern Family
"I know how much you loved figure skating."
Modern Family
"I never really loved skating."
Modern Family
"Uh, what?"
Modern Family
"Um, all right, this is gonna sound a little gay."
Modern Family
"But, um, when-when you and I skated together,"
Modern Family
"you weren't the mean older sister and I wasn't the clingy little brother."
Modern Family
"And with Mom and Dad's divorce, we were on opposing sides."
Modern Family
"And I- I just- I miss being on your team."
Modern Family
"a little gay. There we go."
Modern Family
"Claire, where are you going?"
Modern Family
"Claire?"
Modern Family
"No way."
Modern Family
"Get up."
Modern Family
"[Exhales]"
Modern Family
"Don't drop me."
Modern Family
"[Whistle Blows]"
Modern Family
"[Whistle Blows]"
Modern Family
"[Buzzer Sounds] Put it away or lose it."
Modern Family
"[Whistle Blows]"
Modern Family
"[Buzzer Sounds] [Spectators Groan]"
Modern Family
"That's it, Mitchell."
Modern Family
"[Whistle Blows]"
Modern Family
"[Buzzer Sounds] [People Groan]"
Modern Family
"So, can we take you and Caroline out for ice cream?"
Modern Family
"We can't. She's diabetic."
Modern Family
"Let's get out of here. Get this thing in the trunk."
Modern Family
"I can't decide if I'm feeling more proud or mortified."
Modern Family
"How about now?"
Modern Family
"but let's be honest."
Modern Family
"Winning feels pretty great."
Modern Family
"And maybe a little bit for ourselves too."
Modern Family
"[Laughing] Sometimes we push too hard."
Modern Family
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