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Clips from Shameless - It's Time to Kill the Turtle (S01E01)

"What's the punishment? I'm at the University of Chicago."
Shameless
"Come to my office."
Shameless
"♪ But it's not like that anymore ♪"
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"♪ What is this feeling ♪"
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"♪ What is this feeling ♪"
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"I'm starting to chafe from the streamers."
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"Toothpaste."
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"Didn't I, buddy? Oh, it's okay."
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"Plus, I'm picking up that temp check later."
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"the Taser to play with."
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"Don't worry. It doesn't work."
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"It costs $27."
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"Thanks."
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"Steve got a text from Candace."
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""Sweetie, call me. It's important.""
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"Hey, you don't read other people's messages."
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"Go! You're gonna be late for school."
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"Mommy, I'm hungry, Mommy."
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"And it's gonna change our lives too much."
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"One?"
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"Or two? Oh, God, one!"
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"Uh-huh. Why is she texting you?"
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"I don't care if you screw someone else."
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"Just don't lie about it. Ever."
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"Mr. Gallagher?"
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"with a dude, never mind two."
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"Would you be able to abstain from alcohol for two weeks?"
Shameless
"What are you doing?"
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"They were my Aunt Elva's. Hey, check this out."
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"What if it's a girl?"
Shameless
"Say hello to your new foster family, Ethel."
Shameless
"Remote Alcohol Monitor. Designed it myself."
Shameless
"This green light is connected to your bracelet."
Shameless
"I'm sober as a seven-year-old. Haven't had a drink in two days."
Shameless
"how hard can it be to do when I'm awake?"
Shameless
"for the folks around here over the past couple of years,"
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"Who's ready to put down the booze with me"
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"Jackasses at McCormick Place handed in"
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"may need someone for this weekend."
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"He'll surface. Yeah."
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"What are you doing here?"
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"The SAT guy that popped me..."
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"you know, maybe steal some sweatshirts from the bookstore."
Shameless
"You want to go over to the park?"
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"Throw the old pigskin around?"
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"My chores. Don't you have any for me to do?"
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"There's a new kids' place where all the waiters"
Shameless
"dress like famous Chicago gangsters."
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"Although I have no idea what that has to do with kids"
Shameless
"All right, let's go find you some chores to do."
Shameless
"♪ Boom-boom ♪"
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"♪ Boom-boom ♪"
Shameless
"I can hear it."
Shameless
"So, when you're not busting SAT cheaters, you're a teacher?"
Shameless
"Professor. Oh."
Shameless
"I'll keep that in mind."
Shameless
"I don't know, sounds like a lot of trouble to me."
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"Well, it's better than the alternative."
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"And she'll say it happened accidentally."
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"because you'll know the truth."
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"Oh..."
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"Well, I guess you saved me the trouble."
Shameless
"Why don't you take a peek inside here"
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"Shit,"
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"No. Have mercy on me."
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"I can't handle anything up my ass without alcohol."
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"Sure we can't help, Ethel?"
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"The carpet is fine. I swiffered last week. I just feel icky about this."
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"Um, $7.56."
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"Okay."
Shameless
"Don't worry, honey, Mama's gonna change your diaper now."
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"There you go. Thanks."
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"Maybe you're not attracted to me anymore."
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"Sheils?"
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"Doing great, Frank. Doing great."
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"Pluto, Pluto... Pluto?"
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"Daddy?"
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"Want some Hawaiian Punch?"
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"Mmm... Mmm!"
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"This is nice, isn't it, Deb,"
Shameless
"the two of just hanging out,"
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"Why don't we do this more often?"
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"Seriously? From, uh, my vantage point,"
Shameless
"it looks like we're on the verge of fucking."
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"No, I mean, you and me. What are we?"
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"friends who like to do this."
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"Oh, fuck."
Shameless
"Did you wear a face guard?"
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"Nope."
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"Oh, my God, I am so wired."
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"Ready, set, go!"
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"♪ ♪"
Shameless
"♪ Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with good-bye? ♪"
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"♪ Did you think I'd crumble? ♪"
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"No, not when money's involved."
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"Dang, what's wrong with cranky pants tonight?"
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""Got caught up with something. Check in with you tomorrow.""
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"Yeah. He was acting weird"
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"Thanks for bringing dinner."
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"You supplied the spaghetti."
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"Or Sticks and Skates may be hiring."
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"You mean, Dicks and Dates?"
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"Done with who?"
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"from some bitch named Candace."
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"No! Please, that fool doesn't have enough game to cheat."
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"Who was that? Brian?"
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"You know, Fi, every guy you've been with,"
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"We got a football game starting out on the street."
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"Shirts against skins."
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"Uh, you two are skins."
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"I know you're gonna be great at it."
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"Mmm. Thanks!"
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"Yeah, I'll be right there."
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"Fucking killing me, Jimmy."
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"Welcome home."
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"First pub crawl I did was when I was 16."
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"Daddy made us Mickey Mouse pancakes."
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"Still not drinking till he gets his money."
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"Right."
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"Clear the table."
Shameless
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