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Clips from Garth Marenghi's Darkplace - The Apes of Wrath (S01E01)

""The gnarled parapets jagged upwards like a bony hand of icy indifference."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
""Who knew how long the place had stood there?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
""Tempus immemoria - ie always?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Greetings, traveller. Who am I?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Perhap you have met me twixt sleep and wake -"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"You know, my books are all essentially about "what ifs"."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"When I wrote, directed and starred in tonight's Garth Marenghi's Darkplace,"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I won't tell you which "what if" it is"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I've included interviews with myself,"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Darkplace, Darkplace"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Sanch! Copping zees?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"[BUBBLING]"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Sanch!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"We knew at the time it was raw"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'Although still a competent surgeon, he does now smell like an ape."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Hey there, little guy!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Yes, buddy?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"That means a lot."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Cry, cry, cry..."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Jim?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Morning, Dag. Morning, Thornton Reed."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Drat! It's run out. Have mine."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"One coffee coming up!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Here you go."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"ALL SIGH"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"We've got a situation."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I figure Sanchez is regressing to Homo neanderthalenus."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Yeah. Yeah, I do, big guy."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'I led Liz, by now a sick parody of womanhood, down the corridor."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"No!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"This make-up was done years ago for the monkeys."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"that it would look ridiculous and old-fashioned and quite naff."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Would you like a drink of something?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Tea, coffee... juice?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'It worsens. The padre, my friend and colleague, is now an ape."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'Who was next? Would it get me?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'And what was "it" anyway?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'everyone was acting like monkeys.'"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I've been drunk with him for 15 years! So... it was home from home."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Excuse me... And I said "You're not a man, Dean, you're an ape.""
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I went to the padre to confess... but washed my arse in the font!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"You hang on in there, bud. Hang on in there for Rick."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'Then back."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"TICKING AND BUZZING"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"SCREECHES LIKE APE"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"BUBBLING"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Why's Liz here?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"No-one takes days off, everyone grooms each other."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"We can build that children's wing."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Think about it, Rick. The Darkplace Dagless Kiddy Wing."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"- What we've always dreamed about. - Not this way, Reed. It's barbaric."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'I still haven't had a glass of water."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"< Don't drink it! It's green!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Thank God I only took a tiny sip."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I've a hunch whoever or whatever he or she or it is will be there."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"The reason..."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Reed survives is I only take a tiny sip."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"No-one's asked that before."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"FUNKY ACTION MUSIC"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Water, water, everywhere and not a drop to drink."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"(Sanch) Argh!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Yaven! Yaven!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"ENGINE REVS"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"You know me, Dag. I'm too busy just stayin' alive!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I'm sweating now."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"If you clog up your pores you sweat elsewhere,"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"That's just... fact, scientific fact."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"If you block up everything you'll sweat inside and get cancer."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"That which died in my arms should never have walked on God's earth."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"hellbent on dragging us back into the Stone Age."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'He was once a scientist who specialised in human evolution."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'atavistic tendencies, use them for malevolent schemes."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'He contaminated our water."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"She's going bananas!"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"MEN LAUGH"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'Each man must acknowledge his beast,"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'whether through sport or violent films."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I was typing and I had this block"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"And she was right."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Through the years"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"And I am so glad I stayed"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Right here with you..."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"< You think she's still alive, then?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'in association with Dean Learner.'"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
""The moonlight shone down on the place, unhindered."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
""In the background, there was a pigeon."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
""40 years? 50 years?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
""A very bad place indeed.""
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Or perhaps you've met me at a book signing."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I'm Garth Marenghi, horror author."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"In Black Fang I asked - what if a rat could drive a bus?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"And what if it and its rat brethren took over and ate Parliament?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I was asking another "what if""
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Without giving too much away, think Planet Of The Apes."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"so we can tell you what it means."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Here it be - a future shock that'll shit you up."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I dedicate tonight's episode to my wife Pam"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'I'm Garth Marenghi - author, dream weaver, visionary, plus actor."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'You are about to enter the world of my imagination."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'You are entering my Darkplace."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Darkplace, Darkplace, Darkplace"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Darkplacel"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Hey, bud. Just give me two ticks."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"My mouth feels like somebody parked a car in it."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"What?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"but didn't realise it could get rawer with time."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'But was he the only one?"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'Hence "Darkplace"."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"'We parked the wheels and hauled ass to Reed's office,"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Good news. You're gonna be all right."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Thanks to you."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Here's the drugs you couldn't afford. I bought them. Don't thank me."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"BEEPING"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I punched a child actor because they were rude about Garth's writing."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"More of a back of the hand than a punch."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"But they came up in a big red bruise,"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"I don't see it as a problem."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"Right away."
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"BUBBLING"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
"SIGHS"
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
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