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Clips from Friends - The One with Phoebe's Husband (S02E02)

"Mom, I gotta go. I gotta go."
Friends
"...and he was from Canada, and he needed a Green Card."
Friends
"Come on. Like you tell me everything?"
Friends
"Ooh, I don't know. Um..."
Friends
"Joey was in a porno movie."
Friends
"Huh. Are, uh, any of these cultures, per chance, in the Tri-State area?"
Friends
"And the reason I'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice..."
Friends
"Hey, Chandler, will you fill me up here?"
Friends
"Is it because she's so cold in bed?"
Friends
"No, it's just..."
Friends
"- No kidding. - Oh, yeah. In fact, you know what I'd do?"
Friends
"I don't care how much she tells you she wants it, I don't care if she begs..."
Friends
"Hi."
Friends
"Do I? Thank you."
Friends
"- Olé. - What?"
Friends
"I wanted to thank you for, uh, our little talk before."
Friends
"And, well, his way, I get to have sex tonight, so..."
Friends
"What is this in my pocket?"
Friends
"Well, um, you know, these movies are offensive..."
Friends
"And then I say... Here's my line."
Friends
"All right."
Friends
"Yeah, I know."
Friends
"I know. That's what I kept telling myself."
Friends
"I guess on some level I always knew I was straight."
Friends
"...when I'd get really drunk and go to a straight bar..."
Friends
"- Me too. We should get going. No."
Friends
"Come on, look, it's only 11:30."
Friends
"Uh, Rach, ahem, I know her pretty well. Can I go?"
Friends
"So, um, have you told your parents?"
Friends
"I have done it before."
Friends
"I know."
Friends
"No, it's not your fault."
Friends
"- What? - I don't know, catch me off guard."
Friends
"...sort of, um, soft at first."
Friends
"...amazing is about to happen."
Friends
"Uh-huh."
Friends
"...sweaty..."
Friends
"Thanks, Rach. Good night."
Friends
"Mom, would you relax?"
Friends
"That was 10 blocks from here, and the woman was walking alone at night."
Friends
"I would never do that."
Friends
"Mom, come on, stop worrying."
Friends
"This is a safe street. This is a safe building. There's nothing..."
Friends
"Aah! Oh, my God! What are you doing in here?"
Friends
"Oh, my God."
Friends
"Okay."
Friends
"That's fine, you just read the paper."
Friends
"I'm gonna get a pot."
Friends
"It's not for you."
Friends
"Okay, that's fine."
Friends
"Read the Family Circus..."
Friends
"...enjoy the gentle comedy..."
Friends
"Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God."
Friends
"Ugh. Oh, God. Oh, God."
Friends
"It's open, you guys."
Friends
"- Hi. - Hi. Can I help you?"
Friends
"Uh, no, she doesn't. But I can get a message to her."
Friends
"Great. Uh, just tell her her husband stopped by."
Friends
"Her what? Aah!"
Friends
"Hey, how did you do that?"
Friends
"This is unbelievable, Pheebs. How can you be married?"
Friends
"I'm not "married" married, you know?"
Friends
"He was just a friend, and he's gay..."
Friends
"I can't believe you married Duncan."
Friends
"I mean, how could you not tell me?"
Friends
"We lived together, we told each other everything."
Friends
"...and would not approve."
Friends
"Of course I wouldn't approve."
Friends
"You were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay."
Friends
"I mean, what the hell were you thinking?"
Friends
"See? And you thought she'd be judgmental."
Friends
"Okay, I wasn't in love with him. I was just helping out a friend."
Friends
"Please. When he left town, you stayed in your pajamas for a month."
Friends
"And I saw you eat a cheeseburger."
Friends
"Well, didn't you?"
Friends
"I might have."
Friends
"I can't believe you didn't tell me."
Friends
"...how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours..."
Friends
"...from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby on the terrace."
Friends
"What? - Wait a minute. Who told you?"
Friends
"You are dead meat."
Friends
"I didn't know it was a big secret."
Friends
"Oh, it's not big. Not at all."
Friends
"You know, kind of on the same lines as, say, I don't know, having a third nipple."
Friends
"You have a third nipple?"
Friends
"You bitch."
Friends
"- Whip it out. Whip it out. Yeah, yeah."
Friends
"No, come on. There's nothing to see. It's just a tiny bump. It's totally useless."
Friends
"Oh, as opposed to your other multifunctional nipples?"
Friends
"I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin."
Friends
"Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?"
Friends
"I don't know. You see something, you hear a word, I thought that's what it was."
Friends
"- Let me see it again. Yeah, show us your nubbin."
Friends
"If I'm going down, I'm taking everybody with me."
Friends
"Oh, my God. You were in a porno?"
Friends
"All right, all right. I was young and I just wanted a job, okay?"
Friends
"But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it."
Friends
"So they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't..."
Friends
"...because there's people having sex on it."
Friends
"Wow."
Friends
"That is wild."
Friends
"- So, what's it shaped like? - Is there a hair on it?"
Friends
"What happens if you flick it?"
Friends
"So, uh, does it do anything, you know, special?"
Friends
"Why, yes, Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance..."
Friends
"...to the magical land of Narnia."
Friends
"You know, in some cultures, having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility."
Friends
"You get the best huts, and women dance naked around you."
Friends
"You know, you are so amazing. Is there anything you don't know?"
Friends
"Ooh, Julie's so smart. Julie's so special."
Friends
"Look, honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did."
Friends
"But he's with her now. You're just gonna have to get over it."
Friends
"Oh, I'm going to have to get over it."
Friends
"God, see, I didn't know that's what I had to do. I just have to get over it."
Friends
"Whoa."
Friends
"Sassy lady. Where are you going?"
Friends
"Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan. He's skating tonight at the Garden."
Friends
"He's in the Capades."
Friends
"- The Ice Capades? - No, no, the Gravel Capades."
Friends
"Yeah, the turns aren't as fast, but when Snoopy falls? Funny."
Friends
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