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Clips from King of the Hill - Luanne Virgin 2.0 (S05E05)

"No, no. Let me get it."
King of the Hill
"Oh!"
King of the Hill
"Oh, God. No!"
King of the Hill
"Oh, honey, please don't feel bad. It makes your uncle uncomfortable."
King of the Hill
"I would have never slept with him."
King of the Hill
"Oh, no."
King of the Hill
"But if young people like Luanne didn't sin, I'd be out of a job."
King of the Hill
"She's listening."
King of the Hill
"How do you pull that one off?"
King of the Hill
"I'm willing to try anything once."
King of the Hill
"Mr. and Mrs. Hill, are you willing to be Luanne's virginity sponsors?"
King of the Hill
"Sponsor? You mean like what the drunks have?"
King of the Hill
"Mr. Hill, a celibacy sponsor is like..."
King of the Hill
"The other team is gonna be coming on strong."
King of the Hill
"So Luanne needs you to get out there and block."
King of the Hill
"Well, that's not in the Bible, but it should be. I'll do it."
King of the Hill
"Now let's break into male and female discussion groups..."
King of the Hill
"So close to five."
King of the Hill
"What? No, thank you. I'm just here as a sponsor."
King of the Hill
"your insights could make the difference between going all the way..."
King of the Hill
"but coach always told me to save it for football."
King of the Hill
"And things got kind of heavy."
King of the Hill
"And I thank her every day for that."
King of the Hill
"But we weren't married. I hate myself."
King of the Hill
"No, sir. I wasn't at a massage parlor."
King of the Hill
"And then she brushed against me. And she smelled so good."
King of the Hill
"Oh, that's not losing your virginity."
King of the Hill
"But when you're sitting there with 19 Hershey's Kisses in front of you..."
King of the Hill
"that's a lot of chocolate."
King of the Hill
"- Barba ra? - Six."
King of the Hill
"You have a forgiving God and a tough but fair aunt."
King of the Hill
"Luanne?"
King of the Hill
"You are an inspiration, a holy beacon."
King of the Hill
"Two."
King of the Hill
"He sat me down in a wicker chair and took my hand."
King of the Hill
"He had beautiful hands."
King of the Hill
"And he said to me, "Peggy, I think I might be gay.""
King of the Hill
"And this was back when being gay in Texas was not as fun as it is today."
King of the Hill
"and then... Oh, yeah."
King of the Hill
"He?' YOU guys got chocolate?"
King of the Hill
"your next breath will be as if it were your first."
King of the Hill
"[Shrieking]"
King of the Hill
"Oh, Bobby."
King of the Hill
"I need to talk to you and..."
King of the Hill
"Not until our sophomore year at Harvard."
King of the Hill
"Keep talking."
King of the Hill
"With each other, of course."
King of the Hill
"That's quite a hook you got there, Rhett."
King of the Hill
"She loves bowling and self-control."
King of the Hill
"You wanna bowl? it's totally not a sin."
King of the Hill
"- Okay. - Yeah."
King of the Hill
"but it's dangerous."
King of the Hill
"My sources tell me that that bully no longer works there."
King of the Hill
"[Upbeat instrumental music playing]"
King of the Hill
"[Slow romantic music playing]"
King of the Hill
"everything we did always seemed to lead to sex."
King of the Hill
"God, Luanne. Sounds terrible."
King of the Hill
"to hold up one person, but not two?"
King of the Hill
"I thought people only had sex in bed."
King of the Hill
"[Gasps]"
King of the Hill
"Rhett asked me to marry him and I said yes."
King of the Hill
"You what?"
King of the Hill
"And each day has been better than the one before."
King of the Hill
""And who are you?""
King of the Hill
"When we meet the right guy for you, we'll know."
King of the Hill
"I know that this is difficult for you, Aunt Peggy..."
King of the Hill
"but you should be proud of me."
King of the Hill
"I'm going to be the first Platter woman to walk down the aisle a virgin."
King of the Hill
"You watch it, young lady! Your aunt and I never--"
King of the Hill
"[Peggy gasps]"
King of the Hill
"Peqqv?"
King of the Hill
"Well, it's easy to wait on dinner when you've already had a little snack..."
King of the Hill
"and pretended I was tiny."
King of the Hill
"I was very up front about it."
King of the Hill
"I'm going to Luanne's."
King of the Hill
"Oh!"
King of the Hill
"[Luanne humming traditional wedding song]"
King of the Hill
"Sweet merciful Jesus, that is the dress."
King of the Hill
"are still married."
King of the Hill
"I was going to ask Aunt Peggy to sing the I Believe I Can Fly song..."
King of the Hill
"at the wedding."
King of the Hill
"But now I'm not so sure."
King of the Hill
"Luanne, as your guardian, I cannot let you do this."
King of the Hill
"Nothing you could say can stop me from becoming Mrs. Rhett Platter."
King of the Hill
"I'm going to be Mrs. Rhett Vandergraff."
King of the Hill
"The Vandergraffs."
King of the Hill
"What is it you want from me? An apology? Fine. I am sorry."
King of the Hill
"How much longer are you gonna punish me?"
King of the Hill
"What do you think you're doing?"
King of the Hill
"You're 22?"
King of the Hill
"All right. That's it. The wedding is tomorrow."
King of the Hill
"Oh. yes!"
King of the Hill
"I never would have gone sock-skating with Hank..."
King of the Hill
"The pride I felt the first time he used one of my shirts as a rag."
King of the Hill
"Come home, Hank."
King of the Hill
"Peggy, you coming to the wedding or not?"
King of the Hill
"Well, Reverend Stroup thinks so, too."
King of the Hill
"Hank, I'm a virgin!"
King of the Hill
"Peggy, I can see your whatnots."
King of the Hill
"Let's start over again, Hank. This time, no secrets."
King of the Hill
"Not me. No, no."
King of the Hill
"HANK: Boy, those pictures from our trip to the new hardware store..."
King of the Hill
"sure came out great."
King of the Hill
"Okay, keep flipping."
King of the Hill
"I'm Zack. Thank you for choosing Foto Phast."
King of the Hill
"So we can't blame the red eyes on the flash."
King of the Hill
"- What do we owe you? - $12.50."
King of the Hill
"Since Zack and I are dating, I get his employee discount."
King of the Hill
"How much do I owe you?"
King of the Hill
"- No hard feelings, but it's over, Linda. - Linda?"
King of the Hill
"If Zack had told me he was gonna act like such a butt..."
King of the Hill
"You what?"
King of the Hill
"Uncle Hank, I quit being a virgin the first time I had sex."
King of the Hill
"Nobody likes a quitter, Luanne."
King of the Hill
"Zack liked me. And so did Buckley, and Brad..."
King of the Hill
"Well, I think they liked me."
King of the Hill
"Why don't we swing by his bachelor pad?"
King of the Hill
"STROUP: Well, you are right. She has sinned."
King of the Hill
"Seriously, Luanne, there is a way to restore your purity."
King of the Hill
"She can become a born-again virgin."
King of the Hill
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