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Clips from That '70s Show (1998) - The Acid Queen (S06E06)

"Guys,"
That '70s Show (1998)
"guess what I just heard in the ladies bathroom?"
That '70s Show (1998)
"- Fez, what were you doing in the ladies bathroom? - Oh, spying, eating lunch, y'know."
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"I heard two girls say they did not want to go to college as virgins."
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"Yeah, I caught that wave last year."
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"So I'm thinking if horny virgins are dying for sex, then hunting horny virgins I will go."
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"- I thought it was virgin? - No, no Hyde's right it's vir-GIN."
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"Oh now I will not sound stupid in front of the beautiful vir-GINS."
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"Oh my God. That's - that's the girl,"
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"- that's the one I made it with at the Molly Hatchet concert. - That's Brooke."
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"Man, no one sleeps with that Brooke."
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"When we were sophomores and she was a senior, she turned down her science teacher, and he drove a Corvette."
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"Yeah, she was like some sort of mythical creature, like a unicorn."
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"It's weird, it seems like she's moving too fast."
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"It's probably cause all my memories of her are in super jiggle sexy slo-mo."
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"Well all I know is that's her, and I did it with her, and I'll prove it."
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"Hey Brooke,"
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"now I know this is kinda awkward but could you tell my friends over there..."
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"about you and me at the Molly Hatchet concert?"
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"Do I know you?"
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"Hey I'm sorry to interrupt but uh..."
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"Burn!"
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"No, it's me Michael from the concert. Okay, I've been looking for you for weeks"
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"and I think you were so blissed out, and that does happen, that you gave me the wrong phone number."
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"But the good news is I wasn't a dream."
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"I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about."
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"No, Michael Kelso. 'Let's do it in the men's room, it's more romantic.'"
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"No, what...I kicked that kid out of the handicapped stall so we could have more room!"
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"What is Brooke's deal, man?"
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"I mean, most girls lie about doing it with me when they haven't."
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"This... the... everything is backwards."
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"Yeah, this is just like Freaky Friday, but unlike that charming little movie"
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".. your story has no basis in fact."
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"It does too, except it's just the girl is avoiding me."
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"- I mean, how do you get a girl to come to you when you repulse her? - Yeah, Eric?"
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"Well, I like to put a hot dog on the end of a stick, and hide in the bushes so..."
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"Donna, so how do you know Brooke anyway? Did you guys jump out of a cake together or something?"
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"Yeah!"
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"No moron. When she was a senior we worked on the school paper together."
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"I think you know Brooke cause there's a secret club in this town, made up of all the hot girls."
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"It's a secret hot girls club."
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"There's no secret hot girls club, believe me I'd know."
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"Uh huh, well I'm gonna take off. I have to get to my secret hot girls meeting..."
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"Why doesn't Brooke like me? I am a gentleman."
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"Oh yeah, you lied about doing it with a hot girl in the men's room: you're Cary Grant."
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"Steven, you've been quiet. Do you think Brooke's hot?"
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"Do you really want me to answer that question?"
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"Oh I think we all do."
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"Steven, it's no big deal. Do you think she's hot?"
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"Oh well, I guess since you're not setting a trap, I can answer honestly."
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"- Yeah, she's freakin hot. - Ah ha! See, I trapped ya."
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"Now take it back or I'll pinch you."
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"Jackie, if you pinch me, it's gonna cause a serious problem in this relationship."
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"Fine"
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"Oh hey Jackie. Are any of your college bound friends vir-GINS?"
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"It's pronounced virgins, Fez."
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"What? But no, but Hyde said..."
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"Oh you magnificent bastard."
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"Sorry buddy. By the way it's pronounced bas-TARD"
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"Fez, if you wanna find virgins, go where ugly girls pray to get pretty. The local House of Worship."
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"House of Worship?"
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"Are you sure you don't mean the House of Pies?"
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"No Fez, I mean the House of Worship."
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"I'm going to the House of Pies."
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"So, how's it going at Point Place Junior College?"
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"Well the education's not too great, but the upside is it's next to the Dairy Queen."
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"First day of class we all got free Peanut Buster Parfaits."
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"Hey guys."
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"- Kelso, what are you doing?! - I'm looking for Brooke's phone number."
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"I mean why won't she admit that we did it?"
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"Kelso, there are racehorses, and there are donkeys."
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"And you are a great donkey, you are like top donkey."
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"But she's a racehorse, and guess what?"
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"She don't want no donkey."
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"She might."
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"Look, we had a great time together, and not just cause of the sex part, but because we had a really great time."
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"Donna, please help me find her."
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"Okay, I'll give you a hint about where she works."
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"It's in a quiet building,"
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"you could try and check her out on a date, but she's probably booked for the future."
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"She's a travel agent?"
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"She translated her love of books into a career."
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"She's a translator."
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""Trabaja en la biblioteca", Kelso."
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"She's the translator, not me Donna."
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"Y'know, enough with these brain teasers."
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"You tell me where Brooke works, and I'll return your underpants to safety."
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"Kelso, aren't you a little old to be stealing Donna's undies?"
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"A collector never stops collecting, Eric."
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"The library, Kelso, she works in the library."
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"Now will you put my underwear back you perv?"
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"I lied."
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"Ooo wow, those male actors are gorgeous."
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"Y'know I think that Robert Redford is so hot. He's hotter than the sun."
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"He's extremely handsome."
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"You know who I think is sexy?"
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"James Caan in the Godfather."
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"Now, if he made me an offer, I sure couldn't refuse. Yowsa!"
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"Do you mind?"
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"Y'know what Steven, I actually think that every guy on TV, and in life is hotter than you."
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"Jackie, I know what you're doing, okay? I said Brooke was hot, and now you're totally insecure."
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"Oh I am not insecure, okay?"
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"This is a designer sweater, this is designer eye shadow, and those are designer shoes, and they make me feel incredibly secure."
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"You know who else I like?"
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"That little fella who plays Colombo."
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"I just wanna give him a bath."
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"Steven, why can't you just say that Brooke's not hot?"
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"It's common relationship courtesy."
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"If you can't do this, what will you do when I'm old, and ask you if I have crow's feet around my eyes?"
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"By the way, that's already starting."
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"You've never been in a relationship, have you son?"
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"What, when she asked if Brooke was hot, I should have lied and said no?"
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"Being honest and screwing yourself is clearly the better plan."
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"Sweetie, white lies help relationships."
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"Like, 'Kitty, even though your pot roast was overdone, I still loved it.'"
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"Oh for the love of God, I did love it."
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"You're a pot roast genius, okay?"
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"It was like eating gold."
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"- So you're saying lying is good? - Exactly."
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"Now go do the right thing, and lie to the woman you love!"
That '70s Show (1998)
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