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Clips from Avenue 5 - I'm a Hand Model (S01E01)

"Right. "Karen.""
Avenue 5
"I bet you're feeling pretty pleased with yourself."
Avenue 5
"-No. I'm not. -Well, you shouldn't."
Avenue 5
"'Cause I've never seen that woman happy."
Avenue 5
"Well, that has nothing to do with me."
Avenue 5
"(CHUCKLING) Yeah, I believe you, Mr. Bad in Bed."
Avenue 5
"Well, I really enjoyed this little talk,"
Avenue 5
"but I'm off to the bridge now."
Avenue 5
"Ooh, when the bridge comes a-rockin',"
Avenue 5
"don't come a-knockin'."
Avenue 5
"See you and the little fuckatee later. (CHUCKLING)"
Avenue 5
"RYAN: (AMERICAN ACCENT) Hey, Cyrus."
Avenue 5
"My knight in shining shorts. What do you got?"
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"You're gonna love this. Uh, slight snag."
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"I didn't factor in the ship's extra weight."
Avenue 5
"Those 500 extra lottery winners."
Avenue 5
"You're gonna number-fuck us, aren't you?"
Avenue 5
"RYAN: You didn't factor..."
Avenue 5
"meaning you didn't count. Just to be clear."
Avenue 5
"Right. Yeah. So, my numbers are actually adding six months."
Avenue 5
"Six months more than the six months"
Avenue 5
"that you estimate."
Avenue 5
"Six months in addition to the three years."
Avenue 5
"Um, you're saying the voyage is now gonna take"
Avenue 5
"three and a half years, just so we're appallingly clear."
Avenue 5
"-Yep. -RYAN: "Yep"?"
Avenue 5
"You can't say "yep." This isn't a time for "yep.""
Avenue 5
"Uh, "yes." Affirmative."
Avenue 5
"Cyrus, you're like Santa Claus with a sack full of shit."
Avenue 5
"Do you have any options that you can suggest?"
Avenue 5
"Well, there's the one."
Avenue 5
"You know what I'm talking about."
Avenue 5
"I know you know what I'm talking about."
Avenue 5
"No. I don't-- I'm not fluent in facial expressions."
Avenue 5
"-You should try words. -Okay, okay."
Avenue 5
"It could be shorter..."
Avenue 5
"if we lose those extra 500 people."
Avenue 5
"Lose?"
Avenue 5
"They're not a set of keys, you fucking psychopath."
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"Oh, Captain, we have a laundry issue."
Avenue 5
"(ENGLISH ACCENT) Oh, do we?"
Avenue 5
"KAREN: For a man with such epaulettes,"
Avenue 5
"you look remarkably rattled."
Avenue 5
"Well, now, Karen. Today may be the day"
Avenue 5
"you justify your title. We have a new journey time."
Avenue 5
"Okay. Oh, no. I don't like the way"
Avenue 5
"your mouth is shaping up. Is it a big number?"
Avenue 5
"-Three and a half. -Mm-mm."
Avenue 5
"No. F me. F me with a... CB. No! (SIGHS)"
Avenue 5
"-Years? -No, hours."
Avenue 5
"Are we gonna do this every time?"
Avenue 5
"-Yes! Three and a half years! -Okay."
Avenue 5
"When are you gonna tell them?"
Avenue 5
"I'm not. That's the point, Karen. You're gonna tell them."
Avenue 5
"You're gonna do the telling and the selling."
Avenue 5
"And what the fuck is a CB?"
Avenue 5
"Oh, um, uh, cheese baguette."
Avenue 5
"Okay. Well, this is classic passenger liaison, Karen."
Avenue 5
"You've gotta go out there, and you've gotta liaise them"
Avenue 5
"up the A with a very cheesy baguette."
Avenue 5
"Okay."
Avenue 5
"IRIS: I've got some actors' faces"
Avenue 5
"for you for the vigil."
Avenue 5
"-Oh, she's got a great look. -Yeah."
Avenue 5
"She screams "donate some money.""
Avenue 5
"I'd give them tens of thousands of dollars. I mean, I wouldn't."
Avenue 5
"I don't believe in charity. But someone could."
Avenue 5
"He looks like a cat."
Avenue 5
"-(CHUCKLES) -Oh."
Avenue 5
"Oh, she keeps her mom in the basement."
Avenue 5
"Twins. That's a great idea, actually."
Avenue 5
"Let's book 'em for two 12-hour shifts."
Avenue 5
"-The, uh, media are here. -(CLEARS THROAT) Right, good."
Avenue 5
"I love press conferences. Let's do this!"
Avenue 5
"Yes!"
Avenue 5
"-Are you okay to do this? -Yeah, no problem."
Avenue 5
"Uh, one thing, the delay has been recalculated"
Avenue 5
"-to three years and six months. -No!"
Avenue 5
"(REPORTERS CLAMORING)"
Avenue 5
"One question at a time. Yes."
Avenue 5
"What's the new debris?"
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"The most tragic form of debris, the remains of people,"
Avenue 5
"um, orbiting the ship and our hearts."
Avenue 5
"(AMERICAN ACCENT) Okay, bridge crew. Listen up."
Avenue 5
"I need a new course back to Earth. Anybody."
Avenue 5
"(LAUGHS) None of these people are gonna be able to help you."
Avenue 5
"-What do you mean? -(WHISPERS) Cyrus..."
Avenue 5
"Billie? You didn't tell him about the crew?"
Avenue 5
"Tell me what?"
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"Not yet, okay?"
Avenue 5
"Um... back to work."
Avenue 5
"Do you notice anything"
Avenue 5
"about this oddly good looking group of people?"
Avenue 5
"-They're attractive. -They're very attractive."
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"Almost like they're actors. They're actors."
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"(CHUCKLES) Billie."
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"-Are you okay? -I'm fine."
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"Billie, this is the greatest crew in the galaxy."
Avenue 5
"-Well... -You're saying the crew's not real?"
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"-That's exactly what I'm saying. -Uh, Nadia."
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"-Systems update. -All systems are nominal, sir."
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"That's a scripted response. (CHUCKLES)"
Avenue 5
"Nadia, how's the flitter emitter doing?"
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"The flitter emitter?"
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"It's, uh, completely nominal. Hundred percent nominal, sir."
Avenue 5
"-One hundred percent nominal. -Yes, it is."
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"No, it's not. It's not a real th-- I made that up."
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"You-- You're an imposter?"
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"-Actor. -CYRUS: They all are."
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"-They're all actors. -No, no, no, no."
Avenue 5
"-BILLIE: Yes, yes, yes, yes. -No, no. No way. Mads."
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"What is the quickest course back to Earth?"
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"Uh. (CLEARS THROAT) We head downwards, uh, through, um..."
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"Event Horizon."
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"Oh, you are shitting me."
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"You're shitting me. Mads!"
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"-REPORTERS: (CLAMORING) Rav! -Okay, uh, yes. One of-- Yes."
Avenue 5
"You, little lady."
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"How much will the whole operation cost?"
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"-Uh, yes, sir? You at the back? -ALL: Rav! Rav!"
Avenue 5
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