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Clips from Avenue 5 - I'm a Hand Model (S01E01)

"To play real people."
Avenue 5
"Oh, but that would be very..."
Avenue 5
"-dishonest. -Mm."
Avenue 5
"-Unless it worked. -I'll hire the actors now."
Avenue 5
"They gotta be sad looking and non-union."
Avenue 5
"One thing usually means the other."
Avenue 5
"RYAN: (AMERICAN ACCENT) There she is."
Avenue 5
"(CHUCKLING) Oh, boy."
Avenue 5
"RYAN: I was expecting you about half a bottle ago."
Avenue 5
"This isn't a cabin, it's a basketball court."
Avenue 5
"Mind if I, uh..."
Avenue 5
"-No, you can help yourself. -KAREN: Wow."
Avenue 5
"Oh, this is how the other half lives."
Avenue 5
"And dies. This room belonged to dead Mary."
Avenue 5
"-Oh. -She's gonna be coming around"
Avenue 5
"in about 25 minutes."
Avenue 5
"Yeah, this is our, uh, Executive Stargazer Suite."
Avenue 5
"Beautiful."
Avenue 5
"Curious. This... This is just a little porny."
Avenue 5
"Well, we could get rid of that,"
Avenue 5
"you know, if you were to move in."
Avenue 5
"This is an accommodation fitting"
Avenue 5
"for the Passenger Liaison Officer."
Avenue 5
"Okay. I mean, that sounds a little like salty talk."
Avenue 5
"No, I just mean you speak passenger."
Avenue 5
"I mean, you solve their problems,"
Avenue 5
"whereas Matt just..."
Avenue 5
"turns them into balloon animals."
Avenue 5
"I think we should formalize that role."
Avenue 5
"Oh. Okay."
Avenue 5
"You would be Passenger Liaison Officer."
Avenue 5
"-KAREN: It's interesting. -RYAN: Fantastic."
Avenue 5
"KAREN: You want me to come over there?"
Avenue 5
"Yeah. This is a, uh, 2024 Pinot Meunier."
Avenue 5
"-Excellent year. -Hottest year on record."
Avenue 5
"The fish in our pond boiled to death."
Avenue 5
"Let's drink to the fish. Let's drink like fish."
Avenue 5
"Let's just drink."
Avenue 5
"Okay, look, I should make it clear"
Avenue 5
"that coitus is not on the menu."
Avenue 5
"That's a very odd menu, but sure, absolutely."
Avenue 5
"KAREN: Great."
Avenue 5
"(ENGLISH ACCENT) Tickle my ring piece,"
Avenue 5
"that is absolutely exquisite."
Avenue 5
"-(CHUCKLING) What is that? -What's what?"
Avenue 5
"Does drinking champagne turn you British?"
Avenue 5
"What you mean? You-- But you know."
Avenue 5
"I mean, you knew, didn't you?"
Avenue 5
"What? You are British?"
Avenue 5
"You're from actual Britland?"
Avenue 5
"Oh! No."
Avenue 5
"I get so confused. I'm sorry."
Avenue 5
"I just get-- I'm sorry. I really am sorry."
Avenue 5
"Whoa. That's three sorries. You really are British."
Avenue 5
"I'm pretending to be American to one lot of people."
Avenue 5
"I'm pretending to be a captain to another lot of people."
Avenue 5
"-I'm pretending to care-- -What? Sorry, what?"
Avenue 5
"Shit, I've done it again, haven't I?"
Avenue 5
"Done what-- what have you done? I don't really--"
Avenue 5
"-Nothing. -Okay."
Avenue 5
"You said pretending to be captain?"
Avenue 5
"Yeah."
Avenue 5
"Okay, where is the real captain?"
Avenue 5
"He's... out there."
Avenue 5
"-About ten minutes behind Mary. -No, no, no. No. No."
Avenue 5
"-I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. -Uh-uh. No."
Avenue 5
"That's not happening."
Avenue 5
"-Not funny. Not funny. -Karen. This is-- Listen."
Avenue 5
"You know what? You need to shut up!"
Avenue 5
"Okay. Shutting up."
Avenue 5
"Oh, no. This is so-- You--"
Avenue 5
"We're-- And you're a lying D-head!"
Avenue 5
"I was hired to be like a ceremonial captain. Okay?"
Avenue 5
"What? What does that mean? So you're an actor. Yeah?"
Avenue 5
"Oh, okay. Right, in the last ten seconds,"
Avenue 5
"you just changed continents and careers."
Avenue 5
"No, actually, my first career was in the wine trade."
Avenue 5
"So, we're just up here in this giant tin can"
Avenue 5
"with a boozehound driving!"
Avenue 5
"To be fair, most actors are boozehounds."
Avenue 5
"Oh, big fat Buddha."
Avenue 5
"I am hyper-effing-ventilating here."
Avenue 5
"-(SIGHS) -What are you doing now?"
Avenue 5
"I need to invert because I do not wanna pass out"
Avenue 5
"before I finish yelling at you, you mother-effing C-sucker!"
Avenue 5
"When other people find out about this..."
Avenue 5
"No, they're not going-- Oh, "cock." Got it."
Avenue 5
"They're not going to find out. That's the whole point."
Avenue 5
"-That's-- -Okay, yeah."
Avenue 5
"Because your head is gonna be on a spike in the Atrium."
Avenue 5
"Oh, wind your neck in, will you?"
Avenue 5
"Look, who do you think people want to see in charge?"
Avenue 5
"They wanna see a captain or a vintner?"
Avenue 5
"I think a captain, don't you?"
Avenue 5
"The point is, we are trapped here on a branded dildo"
Avenue 5
"hurtling through space, full of panicky animals"
Avenue 5
"who are gonna start painting the wall with their turds"
Avenue 5
"and eating each other's feet unless I show leadership,"
Avenue 5
"and I need you to help me do that."
Avenue 5
"Give me one of those."
Avenue 5
"Okay. I also get this cabin, right?"
Avenue 5
"The cab-- Oh, absolutely."
Avenue 5
"I was actually-- I was gonna give you a--"
Avenue 5
"an envelope with a mini bar key in it."
Avenue 5
"I was-- which is by the way, not so mini. (CHUCKLES)"
Avenue 5
"(SOBBING) I can't do this anymore."
Avenue 5
"MATT: Are you enjoying this, Rav?"
Avenue 5
"Two words. Worm holes."
Avenue 5
"If they exist, they can be created."
Avenue 5
"I miss drizzle. I miss dogs barking."
Avenue 5
"I miss toilet paper without a J on it."
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"Yeah, I can get myself adopted anytime!"
Avenue 5
"(SOBBING) I can't do this anymore!"
Avenue 5
"I can't do this anymo--"
Avenue 5
"KAREN: Okay, Captain."
Avenue 5
"Chief Passenger Liaison Officer on duty."
Avenue 5
"So. Screwing the stowaway now, huh?"
Avenue 5
"-No, I am not. Not-- What? -(PURRING)"
Avenue 5
"-What is that? I-- -(JUDD CHUCKLES)"
Avenue 5
"No, Karen is helping with passenger services."
Avenue 5
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