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Clips from Veep - Morning After (S05E05)

"people, I am all about the House vote."
Veep
"We are recommending direct engagement with individual congressmen."
Veep
"- That's got to happen. - That's right."
Veep
"And every day you have to do the one thing O'Brien can't do."
Veep
"- Yeah, drive sober. - Take a shit without getting a hernia."
Veep
"Be the president. It is imperative"
Veep
"that you look presidential right now."
Veep
"I'm going to visit troops,"
Veep
"go on and off of Air Force One as much as possible."
Veep
"- We don't even have to leave the ground. - Right."
Veep
"Ma'am, you may want to consider"
Veep
"- moving up that symposium on race. - Uh..."
Veep
"I don't think that we're symposium on race desperate yet."
Veep
"- All right? - Hi."
Veep
"Sorry I'm late."
Veep
"Strangely, I agree with everything Amy just said."
Veep
"And if I may also suggest"
Veep
"repurposing the election Twitter account"
Veep
"to a new POTUS account to talk directly to the American people."
Veep
"Great idea, Bill. Could you..."
Veep
"could you step outside for a moment, please?"
Veep
"Sure."
Veep
"Now."
Veep
"There's only one person"
Veep
"I'd be more surprised to see today in the Roosevelt Room"
Veep
"and that's Teddy fucking Roosevelt."
Veep
"- I'm just trying to help the president. - And she appreciates that."
Veep
"But the US Attorney for the District of Columbia is prepared to indict you."
Veep
"You're as welcome here as a swastika-shaped shit in a synagogue."
Veep
"- Of course. - I spoke with the president"
Veep
"and she's willing to reconsider a full pardon"
Veep
"if you surrender quietly. No media."
Veep
"Just don't want to dominate the news cycle."
Veep
"- Can I just say one thing? - Yes, good-bye."
Veep
"So, how'd it go?"
Veep
"He took it like a man."
Veep
"Oh, well, he better get used to that. Pfft."
Veep
"Isn't she adorable?"
Veep
"- Oh, they all look alike to me. - What?"
Veep
"Not Chinese people, but pictures of children. How old?"
Veep
"The agency says she's either 16 months or three years old."
Veep
"- Do you like your Fitbit? - Oh, yeah."
Veep
"I am just over 12,000 steps today."
Veep
"I'm at 3,000. Did you run to work today?"
Veep
"No, the job keeps me active."
Veep
"Office of the president."
Veep
"Hold, please."
Veep
"When we come back, the pollster postmortem."
Veep
"Why were the exit polls so off?"
Veep
"- Oh, Greg. Greg. - Dan."
Veep
"- Great job last night. - Thank you."
Veep
"I saw Matty Curtis crying in the parking garage."
Veep
"That's fantastic. Hey, listen."
Veep
"I was really hoping to get back on, but they got me waiting"
Veep
"- in the greenroom for, like, two hours. - Spauldy showed up."
Veep
"He's here. He's getting his hair done. Just go home, I guess."
Veep
"But I killed it last night, right?"
Veep
"Dan, look, I think you could have a future in this,"
Veep
"but you got to get out there and make a name for yourself."
Veep
"You ran one campaign for two weeks and had a nervous breakdown."
Veep
"That is medically inaccurate."
Veep
"Go out, win a race with a Jesus-loving"
Veep
"homophobic homosexual or a racist billionaire."
Veep
"Then we can talk about a career in TV."
Veep
"- How's Zitzilla looking? - Angry. You been picking at it?"
Veep
"No."
Veep
"Ahem, well, maybe a little bit, but..."
Veep
"- Ow! Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. What? What?"
Veep
"- Oh, that is so hot. - It's supposed to be hot."
Veep
"And the tea is cold."
Veep
"Madam President, Chinese hackers"
Veep
"breached an NSA firewall earlier this morning."
Veep
"- Any chance they fixed the Wi-Fi? - I'll check."
Veep
"And the director of the Secret Service is waiting to see you."
Veep
"Then send him in. If he's been waiting to see me, I mean..."
Veep
"- hi, Keith. - Sorry to bother you, ma'am."
Veep
"No, it's okay. It's no bother."
Veep
"Since you became president, we have been looking for a new lead agent for your detail."
Veep
"Gosh, I like Bob. I mean, apart from the discolored tooth."
Veep
"But that's obviously not a reason to replace him."
Veep
"- Can they replace the tooth? - No, no."
Veep
"Ma'am, this is Special Agent Marjorie Palmiotti."
Veep
"- Oh, hello. - Hello, ma'am."
Veep
"- Agent? - Palmiotti."
Veep
"- Palmiotti, okay. Welcome aboard. - Thank you."
Veep
"Ma'am, a key requirement for being lead agent"
Veep
"is someone who looks like the president, especially from behind,"
Veep
"to provide an additional decoy target for any would-be assailants."
Veep
"I'm a perfect match from behind."
Veep
"Um, okay, I'll tell you something."
Veep
"I am not quite seeing it,"
Veep
"um, only because I'm..."
Veep
"well, you are..."
Veep
"Ma'am?"
Veep
"It's just... would you mind just giving us a second,"
Veep
"Agent Palmi... thank you."
Veep
"Keith, are you really not seeing what it is I'm seeing?"
Veep
"- No, ma'am. - Gary, can you help me out here?"
Veep
"She smells completely different, so, you know..."
Veep
"That is not what... it's not..."
Veep
"Excuse me, ma'am, if you... I'm sorry."
Veep
"- What? - You've got to see this, ma'am."
Veep
"- Pleasure to meet you. - Pleasure to meet you, ma'am."
Veep
"Oh, shit."
Veep
"The big story at this moment... Nevada."
Veep
"With all the votes now tallied,"
Veep
"Senator Bill O'Brien's lead over President Selina Meyer"
Veep
"is now less than half a percent, which by Nevada state law"
Veep
"would allow for a possible recount."
Veep
"If President Meyer were to win a recount,"
Veep
"she wins Nevada's six electoral votes"
Veep
"- and therefore the presidency. - Oh!"
Veep
"- All the networks have it. - New York Times as well."
Veep
"Oh, my God! Oh, wait."
Veep
"Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Is this really happening?"
Veep
"I mean, do we actually have a chance at Nevada?"
Veep
"- Nev-add-a. - Oh, my God."
Veep
"I get to be president. I don't have to move. What do we do?"
Veep
"Ma'am, we need to be sure that when we get on..."
Veep
"No, shut up, Kent. You already lost Nevada for me once."
Veep
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