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Clips from Veep - Morning After (S05E05)

"My fellow Americans,"
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"I stand before you this morning in barefaced awe"
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"of the majesty of our democratic system."
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"What a night."
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"In a democracy such as ours,"
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"it falls to the people to choose their president,"
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"and that is what you attempted to do last night."
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"As it turned out, there's a virtually unprecedented tie"
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"in the electoral college,"
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"a somewhat arcane institution"
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"that many scholars believe we should do away with."
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"I wish to say on a personal note"
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"that although there is a tie,"
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"I am most privileged to have won the popular vote."
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"And though this tie may be frustrating,"
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"I want to assure the American people"
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"our country is not leaderless."
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"No matter who you voted for, I am your president."
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"Thank you all. God bless you."
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"And may God bless the United States of America."
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"We're clear."
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"Can we have the room? Fantastic speech, ma'am."
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"The three Ss... strength, stability and bullshit."
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"I forgot to thank the voters for making our country look like a high school Spanish club."
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"Didn't those founding fuckers ever hear of an odd number?"
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"Two great Greek contributions to society..."
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"democracy and getting fucked up the ass."
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"I've tried both and they're way overrated, like jazz."
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"My bowling coach used to say a tie was like kissing your sister."
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"Well, this feels like my sister took a shit on my chest."
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"God, I'll tell you something, too, okay?"
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"There is no world in which I am going to be vice president"
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"to that smug, Dick Van Dyke-looking motherfucker Tom James."
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"Who in the hell does he think..."
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"Catherine, what are you doing with that thing?"
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"- Is that on? - Remember when we got back last night?"
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"My thesis film about the tie."
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"She majored in film at Vassar College."
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"Oh, believe me, I know what she majored in."
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"65 grand a year to watch movies."
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"Mom, this is such a historic event."
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"Can you please just get off of me?"
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"And I never came up with a thesis my advisor liked"
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"because I had that thing last semester where I was tired all the time..."
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"Okay, we don't have time to hear the story of your syndrome."
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"What about your minor, dance?"
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"Why don't you make up a little kind of a dance about the election?"
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"You know, you can't decide should you dance or should you not dance?"
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"I want you to take this seriously. You promised me."
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"Please, Catherine, stop with the whining, all right?"
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"You're gonna shatter the bulletproof glass in here."
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"How is it that we did not win Delaware?"
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"Okay, is that a yes to my question?"
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"Okay, she can have full access, okay?"
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"Starting right after we address the situation in Yemen."
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"Honey, it's Yemen."
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"Life gives you Yemen, you got to make Yemenade."
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"Okay, well, I'll come back later."
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"You always do."
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"Ma'am."
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"No, there's not gonna be a film."
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"The only thing Catherine ever finished"
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"was an entire ice cream cake."
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"Quick thinking about Yemen, by the way."
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"Actually, four Christian missionaries burned to death."
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"Oh, even better."
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"Amy! Jesus."
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"This thing on the side of my face feels like a dog nipple."
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"It's hardly noticeable, ma'am,"
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"like our Hispanic voter turnout."
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"Maybe you just might want to see a doctor just in case."
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"No, she doesn't need a doctor. I got it under control."
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"- Amy! - Yeah?"
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"- So, what? - Nothing."
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"I've been on the phone all night with these clueless"
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"constitutional law experts of ours."
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"I don't know what's getting their dicks harder,"
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"an electoral college tie or talking to a girl."
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"- Are you back? - No, I'm not back. I'm just helping out."
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"- Ma'am. - What?"
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"Do you want to see a doctor about the..."
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"- It's a stress pimple. - No, it's..."
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"- I get them on my ass all the time. - It's not a stress pimple."
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"It's a pimple that erupted during a very stressful time."
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"- Gary's on it, okay? - Exactly, yes."
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"- I don't have a spoon. - Oh."
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"Have you tried cider vinegar?"
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"No, we're using hot compresses. That's all we need."
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"For the stress pimple? Ben gets those on his butt. She should see a doctor."
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"- Amy's back. - No, I'm not back."
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"- Ma'am, rave reviews on the speech. - Good."
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"- Oh, and big news. - Oh, God, O'Brien made a statement?"
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"I'm sorry, I should have said big personal news."
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"Wendy and I are adopting a baby from China."
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"Oh!"
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"We were keeping it a secret till after the election."
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"Actually, Wendy was keeping it a secret from me until today"
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"because I'm so bad with keeping secrets."
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"- But I'm gonna be a dad. - You're a nincompoop."
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"We are in the middle of a tied election."
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"There is no time for some Chinese baby."
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"Cancel it and see if you can get your money back."
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"Fortune cookie say you fuck up big-time, round eye."
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"It's not a big deal. I don't even know when to expect her."
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"And, starting today, I'm getting in dad shape."
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"Counting my steps."
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"Too bad you're not counting your missteps."
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"You'd be done by breakfast, right?"
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"I prefer to count my steps in my head."
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"4,383."
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"Get out of my sight, Kent, okay?"
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"I have not forgiven you for this tie."
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"Ma'am, I have the final House results."
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"- Lafontaine won? - Mm-hmm."
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"How many abortions does a pro-lifer"
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"have to pressure his mistress into before the people turn on him?"
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"- Three. - And how did Craig lose?"
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"Didn't she go to Indiana, like, five times?"
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"That may have been the problem."
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"All right, listen. From this moment forward,"
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