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Clips from Veep - Joint Session (S04E04)

"- Bye. - Amy: Well done, guys."
Veep
"I don't like to swear, guys,"
Veep
"but I think the S is about to hit the F."
Veep
"The shit is gonna hit the fuck?"
Veep
"No, F is for fan, Mike, not fuck."
Veep
"Why would shit hit fuck? Shit doesn't hit fuck."
Veep
"Well, I've read the speech. So have my friends here."
Veep
"Oh, sorry. Guys, this is the military industrial complex."
Veep
"Military industrial complex,"
Veep
"these are the president's flying monkeys."
Veep
"Is this about the submarine jobs?"
Veep
"10 fucking points to Elsa the ice queen."
Veep
"Shall we recalibrate our language, Roger?"
Veep
"It's Congressman Furlong to you, gray Elvis."
Veep
"And, yes, this is about specifically"
Veep
"1,900 submarine jobs in my district"
Veep
"that this announcement will torpedo."
Veep
"The N620s are for a threat that doesn't exist."
Veep
"We may as well have an anti-unicorn strategy."
Veep
"And they cost $50 billion. 50 billion."
Veep
"And I'm gonna say dollars again. Dollars."
Veep
"You think the whole sub is made in one place?"
Veep
"Because the fin, or whatever the fuck,"
Veep
"it comes from one factory in one state."
Veep
"And then this little round fucking window comes from another place."
Veep
"All right? And the fuel rods are from Cheesedick, Wisconsin."
Veep
"We are going to lose votes and seats everywhere."
Veep
"So take the periscope out of your asses"
Veep
"and look at the warhead of shit that's coming at you."
Veep
"Hey, Dobby the house elf, we've had enough."
Veep
"- Just get out. - Okay."
Veep
"You can wave bye-bye to the Families First bill"
Veep
"because the lawmakers in these districts"
Veep
"are going to Vulcan death grip you to fuck."
Veep
"Live long and fuck off."
Veep
"Speech is already in the teleprompter."
Veep
"She's on her way down. I'm gonna have a fucking heart attack."
Veep
"Popped your cardiac cherry, huh, Mike?"
Veep
"I'm gonna go talk to the president."
Veep
"- Hey, Mr. Speaker. - Thrilled for you, ma'am."
Veep
"Oh, see, you're being sarcastic, Jim."
Veep
"Absolutely thrilled, really."
Veep
"- Oh, no, see, that's sarcasm. - Couldn't be more thrilled."
Veep
"- That is sarcasm. - No, it's not."
Veep
"- It is, I see it. Yeah, and... oh. - Ma'am."
Veep
"Hi, Ben."
Veep
"What's with that Deputy Dawg face you got going?"
Veep
"Well, there's a lot of districts that won't support the submarine cuts."
Veep
"So if you go ahead, they're gonna kill..."
Veep
"They're gonna kill my Families First, then?"
Veep
"That's the long and shit of it."
Veep
"Okay. We're gonna have to find the money somewhere else."
Veep
"Okay? Just end high school in ninth grade or something."
Veep
"Just take the submarine cuts out of the speech."
Veep
"Okay."
Veep
"- Change it. Hurry up. - Yeah."
Veep
"Man: Mr. Speaker,"
Veep
"the President of the United States."
Veep
"(Cheering)"
Veep
"She's onstage. (overlapping chatter)"
Veep
"Okay, okay, one of us needs to write some new text"
Veep
"and I really need to stop shallow breathing."
Veep
"POTUS has spoken. We cut the cuts."
Veep
"Okay, Sue, we need to go to that section of the speech."
Veep
"I don't think I can edit that section"
Veep
"and still have Selina see the top of the speech."
Veep
"- Let me see what happens if I... - That's what happens."
Veep
"We're the first woman president."
Veep
"Right? Well, I am. You're not, Michael."
Veep
"- Congratulations, ma'am. - I'm looking at you,"
Veep
"but I'm shaking somebody else's hand."
Veep
"It's the strangest feeling."
Veep
"Oh, it's you. That is you, right?"
Veep
"It's him. (laughing)"
Veep
"Hurry up! How come you type with only two fingers?"
Veep
"- You're not a sloth. - No, wait, she's got the hard copy, right?"
Veep
"I mean, that's her backup chute right there."
Veep
"Great, she reads that while we edit this."
Veep
"- Okay. Okay. - Gary: I have her glasses."
Veep
"- What? - I've got her glasses."
Veep
"You should not have those."
Veep
"Why have you blinded the president, Gary?"
Veep
"They were ruining the line of her dress and..."
Veep
"- Mr. Walsh. - No one hates me more than I hate myself."
Veep
"You're wrong there. You run into the chamber and you give her the glasses"
Veep
"and you keep running until you hit the ocean."
Veep
"Go, Gary. Chamber, now."
Veep
"Dan: Too late, she's already at the podium."
Veep
"Well, I've killed her. I've killed her, okay?"
Veep
"Selina: Thank you, Mr. Speaker..."
Veep
"- God, God, God. - Mr. Vice President,"
Veep
"members of Congress, my fellow Americans."
Veep
"I'd like to begin today..."
Veep
"by saying a few words."
Veep
"(Clears throat)"
Veep
"I'd like to ask for some time to think"
Veep
"about President Hughes"
Veep
"and the former First Lady."
Veep
"So let's... let's take a moment to bow our heads"
Veep
"and remember their contribution to this great nation."
Veep
"They're not dead."
Veep
"Ha ha ha! I've done it! I rule so hard."
Veep
"Don't stop. Give me the USB."
Veep
"Oh, shit. I always get it wrong."
Veep
"It's a 50-50 chance. I never get the right side up."
Veep
"God bless them. What people, what people."
Veep
"There are literally no words."
Veep
"Come on, come on. Hurry up."
Veep
"People want to know who I am"
Veep
"and I want to tell them so much."
Veep
"It is up and the eagle has noticed."
Veep
"(laughs) Whoo! (laughs)"
Veep
"My entire career just flashed before my eyes."
Veep
"It was incredibly impressive."
Veep
"That its government was in safe hands."
Veep
"No, that's... that's the wrong phrase."
Veep
"- Huh? What? - Hmm?"
Veep
"I think I put the new stuff"
Veep
"in Mike11A1, not Mike11A1A."
Veep
"But that could be the other way around."
Veep
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