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Clips from Veep - Joint Session (S04E04)

"Or she doesn't have a clue."
Veep
"We cannot afford to fall behind."
Veep
"We're neck and neck with Chung."
Veep
"And have you heard the Thornhill rumor?"
Veep
"Of course I have, Amy."
Veep
"I'm the White House Press Secretary."
Veep
"But imagine I haven't."
Veep
"He might quit."
Veep
"Stop running against Selina for the nomination."
Veep
"And my assistant tells me via cue card"
Veep
"that Ericsson wants a meeting."
Veep
"Mike: Thornhill quitting is good."
Veep
"No, wait, you're... no, no, it's good."
Veep
"No. If he folds, Chung gets his votes."
Veep
"Candidate poker."
Veep
"Well, don't blame me for this, Amy."
Veep
"Don't shoot the messenger."
Veep
"I just gave you the message."
Veep
"You're being shot by the messenger."
Veep
"Mike: Well, it's still not good."
Veep
"There's still no content in this speech."
Veep
"- It's like a diet soufflee. - I know, I know."
Veep
"Sue, does the president have any spare time"
Veep
"this afternoon for an extra speechwriting meeting?"
Veep
"Can mice levitate, Mike?"
Veep
"Can they levitate and fire lasers out of their mouse eyes?"
Veep
"No."
Veep
"Well, then we've just asked each other equally ridiculous questions."
Veep
"Hey, this bag was not returned to me in the condition I expected."
Veep
"There was a lot of loose lids. Do you know..."
Veep
"A lot of changes, huh, buddy?"
Veep
"Yeah. (chuckles)"
Veep
"All right, so look, in terms of actual words..."
Veep
"I mean, most meetings I don't even have security clearance for."
Veep
"Navy stewards bring her drinks in."
Veep
"I barely see her."
Veep
"You can just use the FLOTUS window."
Veep
"Looks right down onto the Oval Office."
Veep
"- You can? - Sure."
Veep
"A lot of anxious First Ladies use it."
Veep
"Okay, that's ignored, but thank you for your concern."
Veep
"Mike, you can barely cope."
Veep
"How are you finding the new setup?"
Veep
"I'm actually kind of famous now."
Veep
"Really? You sure about that?"
Veep
"Yeah, I got recognized on the street today."
Veep
"Guy had already met me and then forgot that he met me"
Veep
"and then recognized me from TV"
Veep
"and then remembered me again."
Veep
"That's a great story, Mike."
Veep
"Oh, hey, if any of you new bitch puppies need help"
Veep
"finding the mommy teats around here, you can just ask a West Wing vet, 'kay?"
Veep
"Oh, how's the new veep's office?"
Veep
"- What? - The new veep's office."
Veep
"It's great. Why are you even asking?"
Veep
"I mean, it's so good. It's fucking... it's great."
Veep
"Me, Doyle."
Veep
"I mean, come on, Teddy. Of course, Teddy."
Veep
"So good over there, guys. So good."
Veep
"Richard: It's my pleasure to meet you, Mr. Ericsson."
Veep
"Good."
Veep
"It's a nice room."
Veep
"For a lonely suicide or an affair with your secretary."
Veep
"It's discreet. There's no DC people here."
Veep
"I booked it using the name Lazlo Whittaker."
Veep
"Was Vladimir Draw-Attention-To-Myself already taken?"
Veep
"A coffee?"
Veep
"- Skinny latte. - Americano triple shot."
Veep
"How about any sides? Maybe a sandwich?"
Veep
"I'll take a protein bar. I'm allergic to macadamia nuts."
Veep
"Got it... no deadly macadamias for Mr. Ericsson."
Veep
"- Almond croissant, sparkling water. - I'll take a water, too."
Veep
"You know what? Just gonna grab a pen and paper."
Veep
"Let me write this down."
Veep
"Or I will remember it using my brain."
Veep
"I've got a pretty good one."
Veep
"Illinois Institute of Technology. (door opens)"
Veep
"I'll cut right to the chase."
Veep
"Good, 'cause that last minute was a very long minute."
Veep
"- Is Joe... - Joe Thornhill quitting?"
Veep
"Nice question. I was just asking it."
Veep
"Joe's not quitting, but the rumor's half right."
Veep
"I've just quit as his campaign manager."
Veep
"Why would you do that the fuck for?"
Veep
"Joltin' Joe has hit the top of his bounce."
Veep
"Does he realize that or is he gonna find out on ESPN?"
Veep
"No, he's very, very stupid."
Veep
"I thought he'd be an interesting challenge, but he's a boring chore."
Veep
"Your job is very interesting."
Veep
"- Well... - Challenging."
Veep
"Very exciting job."
Veep
"My job, yes, it is."
Veep
"The job I have is a very good job."
Veep
"- Gary. - Hey, Sue, how's it going?"
Veep
"- I was just in here. - I get it, Gary."
Veep
"- You look pretty. - You don't need to pretend."
Veep
"All I need to know is has the black binder from her desk been moved?"
Veep
"- The black binder? Yeah, yeah, it has. - Okay."
Veep
"Do you know what? I have never looked at her from this angle."
Veep
"And she still just radiates... okay."
Veep
"Do you think Selina will win?"
Veep
"Tough fight, but she can win."
Veep
"You said she can win. I asked if she will win."
Veep
"I'm sorry, was that sparkling or still water?"
Veep
"And what kind of croissant? I definitely remember the rest."
Veep
"Okay, I'm leaving this hotel room."
Veep
"Good-bye, Amy. Good-bye, Lazlo."
Veep
"(Door closes)"
Veep
"He just quit being Thornhill's campaign manager."
Veep
"Wonder what he'll do next. He's the best campaign manager in America."
Veep
"- One of them. - I mean, he could have any job he wants."
Veep
"- Yeah. - He could have your job."
Veep
"You know, I'm saying all this out loud and I probably shouldn't be."
Veep
"Thanks, ma'am. Would you like me to take away"
Veep
"the signed letters in the black binder?"
Veep
"How'd you know I signed those?"
Veep
"Oh, I have a sixth sense."
Veep
"And a seventh for when I need it."
Veep
"- Gary. - Yeah, yeah, yeah."
Veep
"- Do you have my hand cream? - Oh, yeah."
Veep
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