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Clips from MacGruber - Havencroft (S01E01)

- Smells like betrayal in here.

"- Smells like betrayal in here."

MacGruber

[tense music]

"[tense music]"

MacGruber

- Okay, let me backtrack for a second here.

"- Okay, let me backtrack for a second here."

MacGruber

So we now think your father is the Architect,

"So we now think your father is the Architect,"

MacGruber

and we're basing that on information

"and we're basing that on information"

MacGruber

we got from one of your farts?

"we got from one of your farts?"

MacGruber

- Looks like someone's finally playing chess.

"- Looks like someone's finally playing chess."

MacGruber

Think about it. Whoever smelt it, dealt it.

"Think about it. Whoever smelt it, dealt it."

MacGruber

From birth, that simple axiom is drilled into our heads,

"From birth, that simple axiom is drilled into our heads,"

MacGruber

and for good reason.

"and for good reason."

MacGruber

It's never wrong.

"It's never wrong."

MacGruber

See, when one farts,

"See, when one farts,"

MacGruber

they always blame it on someone else,

"they always blame it on someone else,"

MacGruber

but studies show that in 100% of the cases,

"but studies show that in 100% of the cases,"

MacGruber

that fart actually came from inside of them,

"that fart actually came from inside of them,"

MacGruber

the initial fart detector.

"the initial fart detector."

MacGruber

It's the most classic con in the book,

"It's the most classic con in the book,"

MacGruber

but if you somehow figure out who smelt it,

"but if you somehow figure out who smelt it,"

MacGruber

then you will, without fail...

"then you will, without fail..."

MacGruber

Find the dealer.

"Find the dealer."

MacGruber

- Right.

"- Right."

MacGruber

- No entry my ass.

"- No entry my ass."

MacGruber

Shit. - Are you sure about this?

"Shit. - Are you sure about this?"

MacGruber

- Vicki, people lie. Buttholes don't.

"- Vicki, people lie. Buttholes don't."

MacGruber

[yells]

"[yells]"

MacGruber

- See, the Architect had to be someone with access to Queeth,

"- See, the Architect had to be someone with access to Queeth,"

MacGruber

ties to the military, and a score to settle.

"ties to the military, and a score to settle."

MacGruber

So when my father farted Kernst's name at me,

"So when my father farted Kernst's name at me,"

MacGruber

it made sense.

"it made sense."

MacGruber

I mean, Kernst ticked all the right boxes,

"I mean, Kernst ticked all the right boxes,"

MacGruber

but my father overplayed his hand.

"but my father overplayed his hand."

MacGruber

He smelled it too hard,

"He smelled it too hard,"

MacGruber

and that's how I knew he dealt it.

"and that's how I knew he dealt it."

MacGruber

- Science.

"- Science."

MacGruber

[hollow thud]

"[hollow thud]"

MacGruber

- Cowabunga.

"- Cowabunga."

MacGruber

Six, nine, six, nine, six, nine.

"Six, nine, six, nine, six, nine."

MacGruber

[keypad beeps]

"[keypad beeps]"

MacGruber

Like father, like son of father.

"Like father, like son of father."

MacGruber

[suspenseful music]

"[suspenseful music]"

MacGruber

* *

"* *"

MacGruber

Good God.

"Good God."

MacGruber

This whole time, it was right under my fucking schnozz.

"This whole time, it was right under my fucking schnozz."

MacGruber

- I'm gonna hop on your dad's computer

"- I'm gonna hop on your dad's computer"

MacGruber

and see if I can find anything on this flash drive.

"and see if I can find anything on this flash drive."

MacGruber

- Heavens to Henry.

"- Heavens to Henry."

MacGruber

He has counterfeit passports and currency

"He has counterfeit passports and currency"

MacGruber

for, like, every country in the world.

"for, like, every country in the world."

MacGruber

- Oh, my God.

"- Oh, my God."

MacGruber

Ecuador was just the beginning.

"Ecuador was just the beginning."

MacGruber

- Haven't seen these many pins

"- Haven't seen these many pins"

MacGruber

since I read that book about ATM machines.

"since I read that book about ATM machines."

MacGruber

He's gonna hit, like, everywhere.

"He's gonna hit, like, everywhere."

MacGruber

Why? Why is he doing this?

"Why? Why is he doing this?"

MacGruber

- I don't know, Vick, but we have to stop him.

"- I don't know, Vick, but we have to stop him."

MacGruber

- Guys, I think I got something.

"- Guys, I think I got something."

MacGruber

His computer's automatically decrypting the files.

"His computer's automatically decrypting the files."

MacGruber

Any of this mean anything to you?

"Any of this mean anything to you?"

MacGruber

- There, there.

"- There, there."

MacGruber

- Havencroft?

"- Havencroft?"

MacGruber

- We need to move.

"- We need to move."

MacGruber

- Where the hell are we going?

"- Where the hell are we going?"

MacGruber

- MacGruber Country.

"- MacGruber Country."

MacGruber

* *

"* *"

MacGruber

[dramatic music]

"[dramatic music]"

MacGruber

* *

"* *"

MacGruber

- * MacGruber *

"- * MacGruber *"

MacGruber

[fire crackles]

"[fire crackles]"

MacGruber

[suspenseful music]

"[suspenseful music]"

MacGruber

* *

"* *"

MacGruber

- Black River Valley.

"- Black River Valley."

MacGruber

My father's down there. I can feel it.

"My father's down there. I can feel it."

MacGruber

- Gruber, are you sure you want to do this?

"- Gruber, are you sure you want to do this?"

MacGruber

- You mean, am I sure I want to confront

"- You mean, am I sure I want to confront"

MacGruber

the man I've worshipped my entire life

"the man I've worshipped my entire life"

MacGruber

and battle him to the death?

"and battle him to the death?"

MacGruber

Most likely, my death?

"Most likely, my death?"

MacGruber

Am I sure I want the love of my life to watch me die

"Am I sure I want the love of my life to watch me die"

MacGruber

and void my bowels into my Wrangler denim jeans?

"and void my bowels into my Wrangler denim jeans?"

MacGruber

No, Vicki, I'm not sure,

"No, Vicki, I'm not sure,"

MacGruber

but I don't really have a choice now, do I?

"but I don't really have a choice now, do I?"

MacGruber

But you do.

"But you do."

MacGruber

- What? What do you mean?

"- What? What do you mean?"

MacGruber

- I can't let you do this. This is my fight.

"- I can't let you do this. This is my fight."

MacGruber

- Oh, MacGruber, we're in this together.

"- Oh, MacGruber, we're in this together."

MacGruber

- No, I can't let you two risk your lives

"- No, I can't let you two risk your lives"

MacGruber

because of my fucked up dad.

"because of my fucked up dad."

MacGruber

This is a family affair.

"This is a family affair."

MacGruber

- MacGruber, I can't believe I'm saying this,

"- MacGruber, I can't believe I'm saying this,"

MacGruber

but the three of us are kind of like a family.

"but the three of us are kind of like a family."

MacGruber

[heartfelt music]

"[heartfelt music]"

MacGruber

- Checkers is right.

"- Checkers is right."

MacGruber

- I never really thought about it like that.

"- I never really thought about it like that."

MacGruber

That's really nice.

"That's really nice."

MacGruber

Hell, my family's been broken so long,

"Hell, my family's been broken so long,"

MacGruber

I almost forgot what it's like to have a real family.

"I almost forgot what it's like to have a real family."

MacGruber

But because of you two, I remember again.

"But because of you two, I remember again."

MacGruber

So thanks.

"So thanks."

MacGruber

- You're welcome.

"- You're welcome."

MacGruber

- Here's another thing I can't believe I'm saying.

"- Here's another thing I can't believe I'm saying."

MacGruber

Bring it in.

"Bring it in."

MacGruber

- Are you pranking me?

"- Are you pranking me?"

MacGruber

Are you gonna pull your arms back?

"Are you gonna pull your arms back?"

MacGruber

Checkers?

"Checkers?"

MacGruber

* *

"* *"

MacGruber

- Fucking family. There's nothing like it.

"- Fucking family. There's nothing like it."

MacGruber

Now let's go kill my father.

"Now let's go kill my father."

MacGruber

- Welcome to Havencroft.

"- Welcome to Havencroft."

MacGruber

Our fucking summer home.

"Our fucking summer home."

MacGruber

- Wait, so you were a rich kid? - Nice try.

"- Wait, so you were a rich kid? - Nice try."

MacGruber

I assure you this place is very modest.

"I assure you this place is very modest."

MacGruber

Okay, now, let's split up.

"Okay, now, let's split up."

MacGruber

Vicki, you check out the vineyard.

"Vicki, you check out the vineyard."

MacGruber

Checkers, you start in the antiquities hall,

"Checkers, you start in the antiquities hall,"

MacGruber

and I'll take the servants' ballroom.

"and I'll take the servants' ballroom."

MacGruber

[Sophie Tucker's "He Hadn't Up Till Yesterday" playing]

"[Sophie Tucker's "He Hadn't Up Till Yesterday" playing]"

MacGruber

[soft jazz music]

"[soft jazz music]"

MacGruber

* *

"* *"

MacGruber

- * There's a boy I'm crazy about *

"- * There's a boy I'm crazy about *"

MacGruber

* And I know he's wild about me *

"* And I know he's wild about me *"

MacGruber

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