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Clips from Weeds - Super Lucky Happy (S05E05)

"That gym for fat ladies?"
Weeds
"Medical marijuana actually."
Weeds
"Oh, no. No, no, no."
Weeds
"You sell pot in here, feds take away my building."
Weeds
"Yeah, well, you eat dogs."
Weeds
"Get the fuck out, ass whore."
Weeds
"Push the seat-back tube down until it snaps into place."
Weeds
"Snap. Snap. Snap. Plastic demon from hell."
Weeds
"Mommy needs to get drunk."
Weeds
"He look little, but he's heavier than a sea turtle."
Weeds
"-What was he doing out there? -Looking in the window."
Weeds
"Maybe waiting to come into the house for you."
Weeds
"-What was he gonna arrest me for? -No arrest."
Weeds
"That's very unsanitary."
Weeds
"No badge."
Weeds
"Today, he's no cop. Today, he's Rambo."
Weeds
"Wake up."
Weeds
"Remember me, angry little princesa?"
Weeds
"Help me get him into the bathroom."
Weeds
"-What are you gonna do? -Put him in the tub."
Weeds
"-Because he peed his pants? -Yes."
Weeds
"I'm going to burn his clothes, drain his blood, and melt his bones with acid."
Weeds
"-Oh, right. -Come on, help me."
Weeds
"Not in my tub."
Weeds
"-What's that thing supposed to be? -Domestic bliss."
Weeds
"Looks like someone shat a Tilt-A-Whirl."
Weeds
"You're the moral center of this family. Let me ask you something."
Weeds
"Is it okay to impersonate your dead brother..."
Weeds
"...and pseudo-steal some money..."
Weeds
"...if you're gonna use the cash for the family's greater good?"
Weeds
"His passport's upstairs in my sock drawer."
Weeds
"If I were you, I'd wear a hat or something."
Weeds
"Resemblance is sort of thin."
Weeds
"And that would be a thumbs up. Good stuff."
Weeds
"What you doing with all the smokable product there?"
Weeds
"Selling it to my English teacher."
Weeds
"For the family's greater good, of course, right?"
Weeds
"Family that tried to ship my ass to Oakland? Sure. Think that."
Weeds
"Despite the enormous hypocritical elephant in the room..."
Weeds
"...I feel compelled to express alarm."
Weeds
"And potentially dismay. And fear that Silas will kill you."
Weeds
"And regret that your true-north moral compass..."
Weeds
"...has gone on the fritz."
Weeds
"What can I say? I'm a Botwin."
Weeds
"We're not responsible for anything we do."
Weeds
"I order you to release me."
Weeds
"I am a federal agent and this man is wanted by the U.S. government."
Weeds
"You untie him, he'll kill me."
Weeds
"You have no badge, Roy. You're out here all on your own."
Weeds
"I'm undercover."
Weeds
"-What did you do to Sucio? -Who?"
Weeds
"-The dirty Mexican. Sorry. -No, it's true. He stinks like pig shit."
Weeds
"-He killed my partner. -Were you gonna hurt me too?"
Weeds
"He's going to kill you. He's going to kill me."
Weeds
"He's a killer. Not me. I'm nice."
Weeds
"Untie me, I kill him, we go watch Milo and Otis."
Weeds
"No one is killing anyone."
Weeds
"Stop kicking each other. I'm gonna make you pee your pants again."
Weeds
"-Whose side are you on? -She's on my side."
Weeds
"She making baby with the boss."
Weeds
"What's it like fucking a monster?"
Weeds
"Don't make fun of my child."
Weeds
"You can't keep us here like this for long. Who's it gonna be?"
Weeds
"Hello. Nancy? You home?"
Weeds
"Make a sound, I kill you both."
Weeds
"Hey, hey, hey. You got a boner."
Weeds
"It's a perfectly normal reaction to the adrenaline of combat."
Weeds
"No, no, no. That's not cool, man."
Weeds
"I don't-- No. I don't wanna fight no more with you."
Weeds
"Hi, Nancy."
Weeds
"Okay, well, the door was open so I just--"
Weeds
"Well, not exactly open, but ajar."
Weeds
"All right, mostly it was unlocked."
Weeds
"I've been thinking. I know you said I couldn't live here, per se..."
Weeds
"...in the house proper."
Weeds
"But it is Southern California."
Weeds
"And you do have that nice screen porch back there with a couch."
Weeds
"So-- Hey, that's fire."
Weeds
"Okay, you know, take it easy. Take it easy. Nancy, God."
Weeds
"Hang on a minute. Okay, Final Net extra hold. This is cotton."
Weeds
"I am highly flammable right now. You know what, you're crazy."
Weeds
"You are fucking crazy, and I hate you."
Weeds
"We'll just talk later."
Weeds
"A hundred and eighty-six thousand..."
Weeds
"...four hundred and thirty-seven ninety-six?"
Weeds
"-That's right, Mr. Botwin. -Judah. Call me Judah."
Weeds
"Well, I haven't seen one of these in a long time."
Weeds
"Yeah, well, that little collector's item there..."
Weeds
"...was given to my brother and me--"
Weeds
"We both got one. This one's mine, obviously."
Weeds
"--when my great uncle Yitzhak tripped..."
Weeds
"...and accidentally locked himself in a freezer chest."
Weeds
"Interesting note: It's still the only case of hypothermia in Woodland Hills."
Weeds
"Anyway, it was a lot of money for a young boy..."
Weeds
"...but I was smart enough to put it aside for a rainy day."
Weeds
"Unlike my stupid brother, who blew his on a '72 Ford Econoline..."
Weeds
"...when he needed a place to live one summer."
Weeds
"God, I bet he wishes he didn't do that."
Weeds
"Especially with the amazing growth on that account. What an asshole."
Weeds
"Well, actually, the growth's been average."
Weeds
"Your grandmother has been adding to it for almost 30 years."
Weeds
"That bitch!"
Weeds
"I mean, it saddens me..."
Weeds
"...that she would so blatantly favor one grandson over another."
Weeds
"Now, about the hold that you put on this account?"
Weeds
"Listen, I don't know what sort of bullshit he's trying to pull..."
Weeds
"...but you tell Judah he's gonna have to come in here and talk to me..."
Weeds
"...before he's gonna see dime one of this."
Weeds
"I have been waiting a very, very long time..."
Weeds
"...to say my peace to Judah Botwin, and by God, I'm gonna say it."
Weeds
"Now, get him in here."
Weeds
"Judah died."
Weeds
"He's-- He's dead."
Weeds
"Fast cars, rodent rape, summers off. Wow, to be you."
Weeds
"You think life is your own private little joke, don't you, Botwin?"
Weeds
"You know who else used to think that? Your parents."
Weeds
"Before you showed up and shit all over their dreams."
Weeds
"No, nothing shits on my mom's dreams."
Weeds
"Least of all me. And my dad's dead, but nice try."
Weeds
"Get in, we'll settle up and I'll give you a ride home."
Weeds
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