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Clips from Archer - Cold Fusion (S11E11)

"Archer: Antarctica‐‐ icy graveyard of hubris,"
Archer
"not hostile to humanity,"
Archer
"but worse‐‐ utterly indifferent,"
Archer
"a blank wall at the edge of the universe,"
Archer
"defying us to find meaning in it."
Archer
"So you can see why I'm not going."
Archer
"‐ For God's‐‐the antenna at McMurdo Station is down."
Archer
"All we've heard is a garbled transmission"
Archer
"about a murder, and two days ago,"
Archer
"we detected an unidentified‐‐"
Archer
"‐ [gulping] ‐ Really?"
Archer
"You need a pickleback? ‐ Do you?"
Archer
"‐ I‐‐ ‐ We're as concerned"
Archer
"about McMurdo as the average citizen is,"
Archer
"but we run a business."
Archer
"‐ Obviously, we're extremely concerned"
Archer
"about the consequences. ‐ Are you?"
Archer
"The death of everyone on Antarctica,"
Archer
"the loss of research that may save the planet,"
Archer
"and a flaw in the ice cap"
Archer
"that could doom us in the short‐term?"
Archer
"‐ Sure, those, but does this look like a nonprofit?"
Archer
"‐ Yeah, one that distributes liquor to needy child‐men."
Archer
"‐ Hey! It happens to be man‐child!"
Archer
"And now I'm craving a pickleback,"
Archer
"so thanks for that. ‐ For the last few years,"
Archer
"this organization had a newfound reputation"
Archer
"for effectiveness and ethical conduct."
Archer
"What happened?"
Archer
"‐ Uh, I woke up, and we got awesome again."
Archer
"‐ Jesus, Lana, how far you've fallen."
Archer
"‐ Uh, I'm sorry? ‐ Some history here?"
Archer
"‐ I honestly have no idea what's happening right now."
Archer
"‐ Oh, please. It's Sandra."
Archer
"You were the star"
Archer
"of the environmental science department,"
Archer
"sucking up all the grants and funding"
Archer
"like a selfish vampire, then skipping out,"
Archer
"leaving our department blacklisted for grants"
Archer
"for the next five years."
Archer
"‐ Oh. Grad school Sandra."
Archer
"Yeah, I still don't know who you are."
Archer
"‐ Oof. Nothing worse than a nemesis"
Archer
"who doesn't know you exist‐‐"
Archer
"like playing air guitar with your entire life."
Archer
"‐ Why don't you all take a deep breath?"
Archer
"[helicopter approaching]"
Archer
"There's wonderful oxygen right outside my office."
Archer
"‐ Guys! Guys!"
Archer
"It's landing on the building!"
Archer
"‐ Wait, but we don't have a‐‐"
Archer
"[crashes, rumbles]"
Archer
""Helipad" is what I was gonna say."
Archer
"Trip: Uh‐huh. ‐ Oh, hey, Trip."
Archer
"I didn't know that you were coming."
Archer
"‐ As the major private donor to McMurdo,"
Archer
"I am determined to solve this crisis at all costs."
Archer
"‐ Funny, that's exactly the number of costs we charge."
Archer
"‐ I'm taking your full team to McMurdo."
Archer
"Severe winds there right now, so we'll have to take my sub."
Archer
"‐ You have a submarine? ‐ Hey, bud."
Archer
"I love humanity, but in a warming world"
Archer
"on the brink of anarchy,"
Archer
"an exit strategy is only sensible."
Archer
"‐ We, of course, are very familiar"
Archer
"with your technology ventures."
Archer
"‐ Including those floating mini‐cities."
Archer
"Didn't you blow a ton of money designing those?"
Archer
"‐ In a warming world‐‐ Archer: We get it."
Archer
"‐ Yes, we get it."
Archer
"Why are you so concerned with McMurdo?"
Archer
"‐ I've spent time with the people of McMurdo,"
Archer
"and they truly are my family."
Archer
"My guess is one of those freaks went eco‐terrorist,"
Archer
"and I need to protect my investment."
Archer
"‐ Really? Any evidence for that?"
Archer
"‐ Don't need it, because I have"
Archer
"something better: vision."
Archer
"‐ Though, not quite enough vision to see"
Archer
"that we don't have a helipad."
Archer
"‐ When you're innovative enough,"
Archer
"everything's a helipad."
Archer
"[rumbling, thudding]"
Archer
"‐ Hard to argue with that. [laughs]"
Archer
"[main title theme]"
Archer
"♪ ♪"
Archer
"Archer: Place your bet, folks."
Archer
"Thawed alien monstrosity? Uh, flesh‐eating virus?"
Archer
"‐ [gasps] Demon possession."
Archer
"‐ Sex worms! ‐ Look."
Archer
"All we've got to do is make sure everyone is okay."
Archer
"‐ Other than the murder victim. ‐ So we solve the murder,"
Archer
"we fix the antenna, and then we get out of here"
Archer
"before our nipples rip through our clothing."
Archer
"‐ Ooh, multi‐dimensional hell‐beast that confronts us"
Archer
"with the horror of our own existence?"
Archer
"‐ No, Mother's still on the sub."
Archer
"Trip: But why? ‐ I'll go when they train"
Archer
"penguins to mix a decent French 75"
Archer
"and not a moment before."
Archer
"I'll be in the bar. ‐ And I just don't like"
Archer
"being places, you know."
Archer
"‐ Okay, but how can you help from the sub?"
Archer
"‐ Help what? Lana: Oh, I don't know,"
Archer
"maybe putting our stuff on the sledge."
Archer
"‐ I'm dealing with my own supplies, Lana."
Archer
"‐ Is that just booze in there? ‐ No!"
Archer
"For your information,"
Archer
"there's also a huge amount of pickle juice."
Archer
"Seriously, you got me fiending."
Archer
"‐ Welcome to the most beautiful place on Earth."
Archer
"‐ Yep, just narrowly edged out the walk‐in freezer at IHOP."
Archer
"‐ [clears throat] This is Rex, chief of station."
Archer
"‐ And this is baby Lamont."
Archer
"‐ I am not saying hello to a flightless bird."
Archer
"‐ Your loss and also Lamont's. [Lamont cooing]"
Archer
"He's sensitive. You just bought me an hour"
Archer
"of tummy rubs tonight."
Archer
"‐ Hey there, sailor, you giving those out for free?"
Archer
"‐ Yes, penguins don't use currency."
Archer
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