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Clips from The Change-Up

"No, I don't like that. It needs some coverage."
The Change-Up
"Yeah, I'll tell him to grow it out."
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"It was really great seeing you. You okay?"
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"I'm good. In fact, I'm much... Much better now."
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"Good. Yeah."
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"Okay. All right."
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"Okay, I'm awake."
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"Fuck it."
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"- Hello, I'm trying to find... - Oh, come on!"
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"Look, bring it to me in the office. I don't care."
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"Relax, I'll be there. Yes, sir."
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"Just look at... This is important. Taxi!"
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"Thank you."
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"Thank you, America."
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"Whoa!"
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"I've got my eye on you!"
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"Go for Lockwood."
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"Mitch, I'm panicking over here."
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"I haven't been on a date in 18 years."
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"I'm drowning in my own fear."
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"Relax and calm down."
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"Don't tell me to relax! You did this to me. I can't do it, okay?"
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"Don't move, I'll be right there."
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"Mitch?"
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"Hey."
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"How do I look?"
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"Just grow a mustache and lure a child into your van."
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"Where did you find that shit?"
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"The back of your closet."
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"Put it back!"
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"These are called jeans."
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"They've been popular with America's youth for over 60 years."
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"Jeans to a restaurant? Yeah, jeans to a restaurant."
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"Look who else can hit."
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"In order to feel confident, you got to look good, okay?"
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"This is a vest, put that on."
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"Okay, this is called gel or product."
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"Too little, you look like a pedophile,"
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"too much and you look Persian."
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"Mitch, I have done everything that you have asked of me."
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"I got the jeans on, I got the vest, the gel in my hair..."
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"You look great. ... but I am not going to do this."
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"Yes, you are going to do this. Why do I have to do this?"
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"Because it shows that you're considerate,"
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"that you're clean, that you're American."
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"Why do you even care? It's my body!"
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"It's my body right now!"
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"I'm scared!"
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"There, we have it."
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"Nobody ever needs to know that this happened, Mitch."
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"Boy, real tempting to kiss my own dick."
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"Ah, that tickles."
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"Shh, you're jiggling the sac."
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"Oh, you're going to go all the way back there, huh?"
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"We're going to dinner, not Rio."
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"AH right. You got any extra batteries?"
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"Hi."
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"Mitch. How are you?"
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"Okay."
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"So..."
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"What the weather?"
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"Listen, the only reason I'm here"
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"is because my boss told me to be."
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"This is not a date. This is not a "get to know you.""
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"This is just me trying to save my job."
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"I'm going to go."
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"Just sit the fuck back down."
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"I showered, I showed up, I'm starving and I could use a drink."
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"How long have you known Dave?"
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"My whole life, actually."
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"And have you ever seen him act like he did yesterday?"
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"Like a super-douche?"
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"Yeah."
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"Uh, I have, at times."
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"But I'm really hoping that he didn't say anything to offend you."
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"He totally did."
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"But I like being offended, just usually after work."
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"Wow."
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"Here's the bottle you ordered, sir. Excellent."
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"Mmm-mmm, send that shit back."
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"Bring us two Macallan 25s, neat."
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"Right away, ma'am. Right away."
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"So, let me ask you something."
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"It's a question."
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"How do you like working with Dave?"
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"How is he?"
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"I love it."
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"I mean, he's a brilliant lawyer."
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"He's the best."
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"Actually, if you must know,"
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"I used to kind of have a crush on Dave."
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"Oh, no, you didn't!"
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"You're funny."
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"I mean, obviously, he's married, so..."
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"Right, obviously, obviously, obviously."
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"Super-married. What do you do, Mitch?"
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"Me? For a living? Yeah."
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"You know, I am..."
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"I..."
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"When I'm not eating hummus and ferociously masturbating,"
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"I dabble in light porn."
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"I hear that's a growth industry. Yeah!"
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"I'm just going to get everything on the dessert menu."
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"I'm going to order, like, six desserts."
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"Oh, my God."
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"No, no, no!"
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"Do I have anything in my teeth?"
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"That's a lot of sugar."
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"Yeah. A lot of scotch!"
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"Yeah. That was a lot of fun, is what it really was."
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"Was? What, are we done?"
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"It's only 2:00!"
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"No! I'm just messing with you."
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"No, let's..."
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"We'll go to a rave or something. You want to get raving?"
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"People raving right now?"
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"Let's rave! Yeah."
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"I forgot about raves!"
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"Man, I'm messing with you."
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"Go and do that? No."
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